im Page 490 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dog At Marlins Park: "Grrrr"
The dogs were all over Marlins Park Sunday for the team’s Bark in the Park event. A couple of pooches were even interviewed. One dog named Lemon, who belonged to Fox Sports Florida reporter Jessica Blaylock, was not thrilled about Craig Minervini’s microphone in her face....
Somebody Fucked With The Spurs Jesus
When Spurs Jesus got burglarized last month, he didn’t turn the other cheek, and he didn’t forgive his (literal) trespassor. Because he’s not actually Jesus, he’s just a weird San Antonio fan who pretends to be Christ. ...
The First <i>Mission: Impossible </i>Movie Is Very '90s And Very Necessary
There has never been a bad Mission: Impossible movie. They’ve all been ridiculous. They’ve all strained credulity. They’ve all had dense, convoluted plots that don’t really stand up to any scrutiny. They’ve all functionally served as Tom Cruise stunt reels, the plots reduced to incoherent connective...
Tim Beckman, My Man, What Are You Even Saying?
Illinois head football coach Tim Beckman took the podium at Big 10 media days today, and the beginning of his speech was amazing. It was like watching one of Bill Brasky’s friends try to explain a complicated math problem....
The New <i>Mission: Impossible </i>Is Almost Better Than The New <i>Mad Max</i>
1. I think if the Mission: Impossible franchise starred anyone other than Tom Cruise, we’d regard all these movies as classics. All five have been excellent in their own ways, but unlike any other franchise I can think of, each sequel is better than its predecessor. Each has a different director, an...
Awesome Old Dude Andre Miller Should Play In The NBA Forever
As you may have heard, cagey-ass old man Andre Miller has signed with the Minnesota Timberwolves for the 2015-16 NBA season. The Wolves have oft-injured, offensively challenged Ricky Rubio at the point, and down the roster they’ve got scrawny rookie Tyus Jones, and right there between the two of the...
The Marlins Played Fart Noises During The Nationals' Batting Practice
Some weird stuff happened at the Marlins’ stadium while the visiting Nationals were taking batting practice last night. Some weird fart stuff, to be specific:...
Taste Roger Goodell's Wrath With Our NFL Punishment Generator
NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is a ruddy incompetent who draws out decisions on punishing league employees in order to soak up the most positive attention he can. Until now, fans have only been to take part in this experience as third parties. Thanks to the NFL Punishment Generator, though, you too...
New York City Parks Worker Confronts Shit, Mortality
The video above—which comes to us from A Walk In The Park—is narrated by NYC parks worker Daniel Roca. When Roca arrived at his job at Sara D. Roosevelt Park yesterday, he found the basement of his building flooded with poop. And then the poop almost killed him....
Someone At MLB Network Wants Someone Else To Fuck Himself
At the tail end of an MLB Network interview with newly inducted Hall-of-Famer John Smoltz, someone behind the scenes forgot that hot mics can pick up whispers:...
Man, Soccer Dudes (Zlatan Excluded) Really Suck At Basketball
I’d understand the sheer ineptitude on display here and the failure to even appear to know what that silly American sport is supposed to look like if we were talking football, but PSG’s players can’t even mimic basketball right? These dudes are out here celebrating lay ups as if they were windmill d...
Vladimir Putin Says His Homeboy Sepp Blatter Deserves A Nobel Prize
Since FIFA president Sepp Blatter won his first election in 1998, he has (allegedly! [lol]) both bribed and received bribes in order to stay in power and award desperate countries international tournaments. Along the way, he has actually and truly ravaged local economies by siphoning public money fo...
23 Things A Nicki Minaj Concert Taught Me About Taking Selfies
Nicki Minaj’s Pinkprint tour hit Brooklyn’s Barclays Center last night, and it was an excellent show! Her dancers are incredible, her vocal range is astounding, her costumes ruled, and holy shit, she brought out Lil Wayne! But aside from all that, the show was also prime selfie-taking ground. I lear...
Minor League Baseball Promotion Turns Into Slapstick Routine
Sometimes minor league baseball promotions are weird and bad, but sometimes they are weird and good. I say this one, from a recent West Michigan Whitecaps game, falls into the latter category. I say this because I enjoy watching children fall....
Here's A Bartolo Colon GIF To Brighten Up Your Friday
Clayton Kershaw rolled into Queens last night and took a katana to the Mets’ lineup, striking out 11 and allowing just three hits in nine shutout innings. But whatever, the real star of the show (as usual) was Bartolo Colon....
Despite being available in less than half as many homes as ESPN, Univision Deportes Network destroyed the Worldwide Leader and every other sports net last night, drawing 1.6 million viewers for its simulcast of the Mexico-Panama Gold Cup match. That’s more than twice as many people as were watching ...
Russia Suspends Black Player For Flipping Off Fans Making Monkey Chants
One of Russia’s many problems is racism. And not just the quiet, personal racism you find everywhere in Europe; also the kind of blatant, in-your-face sort that ... you also find most everywhere in Europe. Take, for instance, the upheld suspension of Ghanaian-born midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong, who w...
The Diamondbacks Are Still Jerks
Former GM Kevin Towers and Kirk “Grit Lord” Gibson aren’t around to urge players to throw baseballs at people in meaningless acts of revenge, but that doesn’t mean the Diamondbacks have totally done away with the Hard Baseball Man ethos. See last night’s game against the Marlins....
Does Jimmer Fredette Have A Chance In Hell In San Antonio?
Every so often, as the last dregs of NBA free agency congeal into place, a name floats across the ticker that gives a little shock of Oh, what ever happened to ... ? pause. Last night, it was Jimmer Fredette signing on, with minimal guarantees, to be a San Antonio Spur. And, begging your pardon, con...