im Page 813 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Run For Your Life At The Baltimore Marathon!
Today's Baltimore Marathon route passed with one block of 13 different crime scenes where city residents were murdered in 2009. Alphonce Yatich from Kenya and Iulia Arkhipova from Kyrgyzstan were the only survivors. [Baltimore Sun via Bob's Blitz]...

South Carolina Golfer Loses Arm To Angry Alligator
A 70-year-old tries to retrieve his ball from the drink, but a 10-foot alligator decided he'd rather pull the guy into the water and chew on him awhile. They should make a hilarious movie about that! [Fanhouse/ESPN/OurKitchenSink]...

Will Black Players Refuse To Play For Rush Limbaugh's Rams?
From a purely political standpoint, letting Rush Limbaugh buy into your football team is already an iffy proposition, but there's a more practical football issue to consider as well. Will some top players refuse to work for him?...

Good Guys Wear Briefs
Here's a video of a sad White Sox vendor in his underwear horsewhipping a bench. This is apparently some grand tradition that dates back to those days when the Sox were managed by the Marquis de Sade. [Sun-Times]...

White Trash Rebels Fans Would Like To See This Man Dead Over White Trash Comments
The SEC is littered with pugnacious rivalries, and one Bama'-banged Zabka named Taylor Fortenberry created his usual trash-talk video before this week's Ole Miss clash. Unfortunately, now Ole Miss fans want to kill him. Dead. For real....

The Nationals Should Give This Guy Season Tickets For Life
Great story from Captain Steinberg, still exiled in Bogville, about a Nationals fan who saw 19 home games for D.C.'s awful baseball team this year — and they managed to lose every single one of them....

Gun-Toting Soccer Mom Shot By Gun-Toting Husband
Tragic outcome to this story which made national news last year ago. Melanie Hain, a soccer mother who showed up at her daughter's soccer game packing heat, was shot to death by her husband in an apparent murder-suicide. [PennLive]...

George Lopez Is This Year's Frank Caliendo
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Alabama Father Pleased Daughter's Domestic Dispute Won't Interfere With Football Season
Alabama linebacker Courtney Upshaw and his girlfriend both agreed to dismiss charges filed against the other after a lover's spat this summer. No one is more excited about this than the girl's father who exited the courthouse shouting, "Roll Tide!"...

Potential Owner Of St. Louis Rams Offers Fun Stereotype About Midnight Basketball Players
Much like softball is the favorite sport of lesbians and soccer the preferred choice for illegal immigrants, radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh declares basketball "the favorite sport of gangs." I thought it was dominoes? [MediaMatters]...

Teenage Football Players: This Woman Will "Catch You" And "Have Sex With You"
"Police say [Venus]Lewis, who appeared to be drunk, then walked to a set of picnic tables, pulled down her pants, and inserted a tampon before beginning to masturbate in front of the children." [Zimbio]...

Ball The Pretty Horses: High Schoolers Show School Spirit With Equine Double-Team T-Shirts (UPDATE)
It seems a few hairy-palmed scamps at Houston's Memorial High School recently sold the t-shirt you see here to commemorate their Mustangs' football game against archrival Stratford. Think this is the only bit of Memorial-related horsefucking? Nay!...

MLB Postseason Preview: Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim
For those refined gentlepeople who prefer the cerebral grace of baseball to the plebian savagery of football, October is the greatest of months. Will Leitch looks at each of the eight playoff combatants. Now up: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim....

Raiders-Texans Game Is An Excellent Place To Take A Nap
A bored Raiders fan gets sleepy at Reliant Stadium and Houstonians take surprisingly good care of him. If this had happened at the Coliseum his homemade face tattoos would still be healing. [Photo via Texans Bull Pen, via FanHouse]...

Horrible Person Wants To Buy Horrible Team
Professional blowhard Rush Limbaugh is aiming to become a part-owner of the St. Louis Rams. I guess the team won't be drafting any black quarterbacks from now on. (But at least they'll play pain-free!) [KMOX/RiverfrontTimes/MediaMatters/SportsBiz]...

Derek Mason Stands On His Head In New England
Mason held on for the game's first touchdown despite landing on his head. However fellow Raven Jared Gaither was not as fortunate. The tackle was carted off the field after suffering an apparent neck injury....

Eli Manning Signed His Work In Dallas
That's Eli Manning's signature on a column in the Cowboys Stadium's visitors locker room according to an NBCDFW user....

Mike Francesa Continues Bitter Assault Against Sports Fella And ESPN
Irked by ESPN's "30 for 30" docu film fest, Mad Dog-less Mike Francesa went on another rant about the WWL's monopolizing of sports and called out Bill Simmons for being a "stooge" for the network. History repeating. [Fantasy555]...

Somehow, The Chilled Afterlife Of Ted Williams Manages To Get Weirder
Workers at Alcor, the cryonics lab where the frozen leftovers of Ted Williams are being preserved in liquid nitrogen, allegedly decapitated the Splendid Splinter and mutilated his head with a monkey wrench. There goes the greatest sentence ever written....

Apparently "Season-Long" Suspension Means Only The Nonconference Season
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....