im Page 902 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Waiting Patiently For Art Modell To Die
I know this is perverse, but I can't quite decide just how perverse. Actually, I probably know, but choose not to acknowledge it, because I also find it amusing....
Chargers LB Steve Foley Shot Multiple Times
From KUSI in San Diego, via the Chargers page at the NFL Fanhouse, comes the news that Chargers linebacker Steve Foley was shot multiple times by an off-duty police officer....
Reality Intrudes For A Second
I hate to throw a bucket of cold water on everyone right before the big college football orgy, but I feel like I should probably mention that Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester was diagnosed with cancer yesterday....
We Saw Chris Simms Make A Spinach Dip In A Loaf Of Sourdough Bread Once
Now. We don't want to cast aspersions. We know how life in an NFL locker room goes. You're with each other for half the year, sweating, bleeding, killing yourself out there for the sake of a common goal. You develop a kinship that cannot be quantified by any conventional standards....
Things That PETA Is Better Off Not Knowing About, No. 112
If you're like us, you frequently ask yourselves, "where can I find top, reliable donkeys for my donkey sporting event?" Fortunately we found Donkey Sports, Inc., and our troubles are over. For the finest in Donkey Softball and Donkey Basketball events, we highly recommend this company....
Planning For That Sad Time When Barbaro Leaves Us
If there's one thing we know, it's that life is short. But thanks to our new friends at Heavenly Images.com, no loved one ever has to leave us entirely. For a small fee, Heavenly Images will keep them with you forever, in a custom painting, hanging out with Jesus in the clouds. We couldn't really th...
TJ Simers Hates ESPN, Along With You And Everything Else
The list of regular newspaper columnists we like is small — Joe Posnanski, a couple other guys — but one person who's definitely on it is T.J. Simers of The Los Angeles Times. He's enough of a hilarious grump to make us keep coming back, and he always does everything in his power to piss off pretty ...
OJ Simpson And Mike Ditka Play Sega
Just to get you adequately prepared for a season of the NFL being back on NBC (and all that comes with it, up to and including Bob Costas), here's an old clip from Super Bowl XXVII in which Costas introduces a "Computer Bowl" matchup between analyst Mike Ditka and non other than O.J. Simpson. This w...
Dwight Smith Has Seen 'Unfaithful'
And he's evidently a big fan of the scene that takes place in the stairwell, because police cited him for something that may have been quite similar on Saturday morning. The Vikings safety was cited for "indecent conduct," and so was the young lady who was with him, for something that was going on i...
Sometimes, Newer Really Is Better
I guess if we can ask that Wiffle Ball be put on television, that we have to go along with the Vintage Base Ball Federation. Jim Bouton, former major league pitcher and author of Ball Four, is starting up a league that simulates the way baseball was played in the 1800s, from the uniforms to the equi...
New Mexico State Basketball Player May Have D'd Up A Pizza Guy
It seems like the only time that pizza guys get any attention are in plot attempts in porno (did you order the extra sausage?) and criminal activity. File this one into the latter category....
Drew Henson, Man Of Many Ugly Hats
Has there ever been an athlete more consistently overconsidered, for such an extended period of time, as Drew Henson? The guy has been all potential, zero performance; he's Ryan Leaf, except he did it in two sports ... and he wasn't very good in college either....
The Closer: Markakis For President
Notes from a day in baseball:...
Football, Women, Old Guys ... Instant Reality Show!
You know, if you get enough middle-aged white men in a room in Los Angeles, there's really no telling what they'll eventually come up with....
A Warning To The Women Of San Antonio
This comes our way from Media Take Out, and there's probably no real reason to believe that it's true, but it's a hell of a story nonetheless. A woman claims that she met former New York Knick and current San Antonio Spur Jackie Butler at the 40/40 Club in New York a few months ago....
Google Video, Jose Canseco And You
We're not sure how we'd react if attacked by a leopard; probably curl up like an armadillo and roll toward the nearest large body of water. But we would hope that it would be a manly, dignified roll. We wouldn't want to go out squealing like a Girl Scout, as you can hear in this video. The reason we...
Stolen Car Clip A Fake, Subsequent Beatdown Not So Much
By now, many of us have seen the video of the fan who ran on the track at Altamont Motorsports Park last week and stole the winning car, driving it away. The above video was all over the place, from CNN to "SportsCenter" to "Today."...
We're Only 99 44/100ths Percent Pure, Ourselves
The woman on the left in this photo is Danika Schroeter. She finished second in the Canadian downhill mountain biking championships last week, finishing just one second behind Michelle Dumaresq. Dumaresq is the woman in the middle. The lady on the right ... we don't know who the lady on the right is...
Somebody Please Stop Jim Terry. Soon.
You might think this (CURRENTLY ON SALE!) T-shirt would be the work of a prankster on CafePress, the type of guy who does stupid knockoff T-shirts any one's whim....