in Page 3433 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lance Armstrong Stepped To Tyler Hamilton Outside A Boys Room In Aspen On Saturday
For a man with one testicle, Lance Armstrong has enormous balls. This past weekend, Armstrong all but challenged his former teammate and current nemesis, Tyler Hamilton, to a duel outside the bathroom of a swank Aspen restaurant. Hamilton was in town to lead bike rides for Outside magazine and dine ...
LeBron James Is STILL A Cocksucker
If you missed last night's schaudenfreudegasm with LeBron and the Heat getting lane-raped by J.J. Barea for 48 minutes, oh how you missed out. There hasn't been a more gratifying moment for sports haters since the Saints beat Favre and Manning back-to-back in the NFC title game and Super Bowl. It w...
If A Canadian Team Wins A Title, Will They Visit The White House?
Should the Canucks win one of the next two games, they'll partake in one of the greatest traditions in pro sports: spending time with the Stanley Cup. But will they, or the Cup, receive the White House invite that's standard for championship teams? More to the point, would an American President hono...
104-Year-Old Woman Celebrates Birthday At Tigers Game, Wastes Her Life
Her birthday was actually last month, but that game was naturally rained out. So yesterday Mary Johnson braved the 50-degree temperatures to take in her first Tigers game since 1936. The Tigers lost, of course....
What It's Like To Fall In Front Of A Speeding Formula One Car — Twice
It's scary, mainly. This steward (marshal?) at yesterday's waterlogged Canadian Grand Prix was trying to clear debris from the track when he went down on the rain-slicked road, and had trouble regaining his feet. It's like Steamboat Bill Jr. wandered into Tom Pryce's final race....
At Least One Newspaper Thinks The Heat Won
They're looking to punch every one of you in the gut with a Macy's ad congratulating the Heat on their title, and offering championship gear for sale. Which...still doesn't really make a lot of sense, considering that if Miami had won last night, the series would still be going on. Oh well. Instead ...
Here's Finals MVP Dirk Nowitzki Das Booting An $80K Bottle Of Champagne
Your morning roundup for June 13, the day some variation of "flippin'" made Sarah Palin's email word cloud. Dirk drinking photo via @skindoeshoops....
May <i>SI's</i> Creepy Jason Kidd Photo Forever Invade Your Nightmares
Tipster Neil alerts us to SI.com's album of "Rare Jason Kidd Photos" (note to self: assemble album of rare Jason Kapono photos, don't tell anyone, profit), and one photo in particular....
There Is A New World's Shortest Man; Say Hi To 23.6-Inch Junrey, Everybody
This is an 18 year-old. We have to admit that we're a little baffled. He's from the Philippines, too, so you know it's only a matter of time before he fights Manny Pacquiao on national television while literally everyone in the nation watches....
This Is How Panama Thanks Us For The Canal
Your morning roundup for June 12, the day we made out with Mary-Kate....
Tired Of Horse Racing? Consider Cow Cycling
This comes to us from France's Critérium du Dauphiné, one of this month's warm-ups for the Tour de France. There are a lot of climbs in the course, and, well, these cows saw one that looked like fun and figured they'd join in. Could they beat the horses that ran in the Belmont? Shittier horses? Wh...
Canadian Press Is Really, Really In The Tank For Canucks
This ain't a hometown columnist, folks. Although it would be frivolous even in that case. Rather, this is wire copy (from Canada's leading newswire, the Canadian Press), an ostensibly evenhanded piece about the series between Vancouver and Boston, supposedly fit for all journalistic outlets in Canad...
Colin Cowherd, Economist: Unemployed Midwesterners Have Brought It On Themselves
Awful Announcing brings us this video of Cowherd being a pompous prick in the way only he can....
Bad Beats, Briefly: A Surefire Way To Lose Money In The Belmont Stakes
Hello, folks. Welcome back to Bad Beats, the column you visit for betting advice and sad tales of gambling woe. Read past Bad Beats here. Got any stories for us? Email us at [email protected]. Subject: Bad Beats....
John McEnroe: Not All Of You Journalists Are Assholes
The classic 1980 Wimbledon Final between John McEnroe and Björn Borg has been dissected more than any match in tennis history. But the friendship that developed between the two, before and since, hasn't been as picked over, in part because Borg, who abruptly left the sport at age 26, has been genera...
The People Of Vancouver May Not Realize The Canucks Need To Win Another Game
Your morning roundup for June 11, the day we realized, to paraphrase David Foster Wallace, that J.J. Abrams, director of Super 8 must surely have been ignorant of the meaning of "suppurate." Video via @ctvbc....
In Wrestlemania VI Rematch, Ultimate Warrior To Yell At Hulk Hogan A Lot
The Ultimate Warrior (legal name: "Warrior") is pissed at Hulk Hogan for something or other. That includes a handful of YouTube videos, recorded on his desktop camera in his den like so many American teenagers. I'm not sure exactly what he's mad about, because I'll be damned if I'm going to watch ...
Nate Robinson Is A Wee Man In More Ways Than One
Via lohud.com: "The 5-foot-9 member of the Oklahoma City Thunder, who has also played for the New York Knicks and Boston Celtics, was arrested shortly before 2 a.m. after cops said he was seen doing his business outside the Barnes & Noble store at 230 Main St." I think that means he was pissing on t...
Hungover Rock Climber Poops Hisself
Here, watch this. It's old. But it's good! It also has poop. Whatever, it's a summer Friday....
And This Is Why We Need Grantland
If you haven't yet read Charlie Pierce's Grantland essay about his time at The National, you should, and not just because it's Pierce hanging out in Bill Simmons's house, and not just because it's the best appreciation of the much-appreciated National you'll find. You should read it because it's ess...