in Page 3474 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Let's Watch Some Guy Named Vinny D. Dispense Love Advice
To quote Vinny D. of FloodTheClub.com party promotions on Strong Island (and tha boroughs), "Stay single. Have a good time. There's no parole officer. There's no cop. There's nobody to answer to at the end of the night. I mean, your mother stops being your mother when you turn 18. You don't need a...

White Basketball Players Are Funny Because They're White
Make no mistake about it: "Scooch & Josepi" ain't nobody's kind of people. Per their site: "Their work covers all facets of satiracle comedy, including cultural diversity, and other controversial topics. If you don't like it…WHATEVER BRO."...

Ultimate Wrestling Slams Between Staten Island School Deans And Autistic Kids Aren't Cool
Brian Shane is a 15-year-old "highly functioning autistic" boy. The tale-of-the-tape lists him at 5-foot-10, 175 pounds. He gets picked on a lot at South Richmond High in Tottenville, Staten Island. In the last five instances of bullying turned physical, he's 0-5. The sanctioning body School Distri...

We Are All Dave McKenna XLIX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit has formaldehyde in its veins....

Your Omnipresent Sweet Sixteen Starter Open Thread
Tourney games is comin', yo. UConn/San Diego State at 7:15 p.m. BYU/Florida a dozen minutes later. Arizona/Duke at 9:45 p.m.-ish. Finally, Butler and Wisconsin close out the Sweet Sixteen's first night starting at three minutes before 10 or thereabouts....

Pedro Martinez To Hang In The Smithsonian, Thanks To Peter Gammons
This 57 x 21 oil painting of Pedro Martinez, completed in 2000, will be installed in the Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery tomorrow. If they've got aesthetic, they'll put it across from the Carlton Fisk portrait already in their collection....

Mike Tyson: "I Didn't Even Deserve A Prostitute With AIDS"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: a characteristically candid Tyson on his low points, and his second and third careers....

Watch Old Zinedine Zidane Abuse A Young Goalie
The Magician will be doing this until he's 80. Class. Pure class. I like how after Zidane finishes toying with this poor lad at some recent Adidas event, he goes over to see if the kid will ever recover....

Calculating The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air's Usage Rate, And What It Can Tell Us About Ball Hogs
This is Regressing, a numbers-minded column by our clever friends at the Harvard College Sports Analysis Collective. Over the next few days, they'll be applying rigorous statistical analysis to some of the finest basketball movies in the history of cinema (and also Hoosiers). Today we have some b...

Watch The 2010 NFL Season In Six Minutes, Since It's All We Really Have Right Now
NFL Films produced an incredible six-minute cut of the 2010 season that includes Tebow telling his sideline, "Only one person who carries the ball right here!" and then running it into the end zone. It's a great breakup movie. [NFL]...

UFC Fighter Joe Benavidez Is the Champion Of Pedophile Jokes
A mildly amusing Twitter fracas is underway at #sowonderful, a hashtag that has sprung up around the burgeoning legend of Phil "Mr. Wonderful" Davis, who will one day make a good opponent for new light heavyweight champ Jon Jones. It's in the Yo Momma/Chuck Norris/Dos Equis vein of humor. As of yest...

The Florida Basketball Team Has No Comment On Premarital Sex
A reporter for the Orlando Sentinel attended the Florida Gators' press conference yesterday to ask Billy Donovan and Chandler Parsons about premarital sex, and then he wrote nearly 800 words about how the BYU honor code "lifted college athletics up." Donovan passed on the question — "How hard woul...

Identity Of The Lady Who Bared Her Rump For All To See In The Seventies Is Finally Exposed
Your morning roundup for March 24, the day an 8.5-point underdog taps into its inner Jersey Shore, all Socs-versus-Greasers style....

One Girl Lost A Weave While Another Parted With A Fake Arm During An H&M Brawl In Philly
While the fight itself is nowhere near the caliber of the I(ride the ride)Hop, Oakland B.K. or Chuck E. Cheese's brawls, there's something to be said for a headless mannequin wearing a "Knot Violence" T-shirt....

Horny 92-Year-Old Woman Couldn't Get A Kiss, So She Got Her Gun
When 92-year-old Helen Staudinger's boytoy neighbor Dwight Bettner refused to kiss her on Monday, she turned her .380 semi-automatic pistol on 'im. She missed, but it's the thought that counts....

Soccer Match On Field Surrounded By Barbed Wire Unpredictably Marred By "Absurd Violence"
To some, this may look like referee Augusto Vego getting attacked by unhappy Río Segundo players in their lower-tier Argentine match with Sportivo Club....

Yao Ming Resurfaces To Preview A Sad, Sad Video Shoot
Jesus. What is this? There's Yao in a leg brace, perhaps never to emerge. There's a barren set with a dirty floor. A sinister-looking man dressed in black sits beside Yao in a high chair. Is this a shoot for an evil podiatry ad? Yao has yet to explain himself. But Nan from China is thrilled:...

We Are All Dave McKenna XLVIII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit behaves like foot fungus doused with tough actin' Tinactin....

What The Furious Ninth Round Of Gatti-Ward 1 Tells Us About Life
If you like boxing or have even a passing interest in what it means to be human, please go read novelist Sergio De La Pava's wonderful essay "A Day's Sail" in the latest Triple Canopy magazine. De La Pava looks at two of the best rounds in boxing history — the one mentioned in the title of this po...

<em>Around The Horn</em> Takes On The March Madness Selection Process
This is a clip from an Around The Horn episode about a week ago, in which the four journalists du jour took on the March Madness selection process — a topic that seemed to be on everybody's mind. "How much difference between the innies and the outies?" wondered show host Tony Reali. "What do you t...