in Page 4008 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Some More Mustard On That 100-Meter Gold Medal, Mr. Bolt?
So, what if Michael Phelps had a huge lead in the 200 meter freestyle, and as he approached the finish he flipped over and started doing a lazy backstroke, spitting water up like a fountain? Or the U.S. women's basketball team, ahead by 30 in the gold medal game, running around making Harlem Globetr...
Phelps' Facebook Page, Brett The Jet And Reggie Bush Hurdling Grown Men
Each weekday morning Awful Announcing, video slash and grab extraordinaire of the sports blogosphere, gives us a visual rundown of everything you missed from the night before. If there's something sports-related you'd like to see with your coffee, shoot him an e-mail and let him know....
Who's You Haddadi? Iranian Basketballer Banned From NBA
If any of you pro basketball fans were watching Iran play in the Olympics and thought to yourself that Hamed Haddadi might be a good addition to your team, you can put those dreams to bed. Haddadi, who has averaged 16 points in four games in Beijing, has been advised that the NBA office has forbidde...
The Communists And Trendy AIDS Campaigns Might Be Onto Something
Amid all the allegations of scoring bias that seem to come out of these (and every other) Olympic Games, there may be an even simpler controversy involving the colors on an athlete's uniform. A study from a German university is indicating that teams and athletes that wear red are actually the benefa...
Down Goes Chestnut! Down Goes Chestnut!
I speak for many when I say that my faith in the order of the universe was restored on July 4, 2007 when Joey Chestnut, the heralded eater from San Jose State, traveled into the lion's den that is Coney Island and dethroned the Japanese powers that had created a gastro-intestinal stronghold there. B...
Beijing Does Not Lend Itself To Getting Stinky On One's Hangdown
Numbers are in from Beijing that paint this Olympiad's cadre of athletes as a prudish lot. I suppose it's one thing to compete in that communist land without taking any sort of stance on human rights, Darfur, or the environment. But that's clearly their prerogative, and one that we can generally und...
A Dream Start For Chelsea, A Draw For Manchester
Big Phil Scolari's first Premier League match at the helm of Chelsea was pretty much perfect. The Blues began their campaign to reclaim the the league title with a 4-0 thrashing of Portsmouth at Stamford Bridge. Harry Redknapp's side was under constant pressure from Chelsea's reworked midfield, and...
Suggestions For Your One-Day Olympic Detox
Listed in order of start time: 12 PM Little League World Series: Pool play. I want this entire pool scrubbed, sterilized and disinfected! ESPN Classic, noon; ESPN2, 1 p.m., 6 p.m. and 8 p.m.; ABC, 3:30 p.m. 1 PM MLB: Chicago Cubs at Florida. Quick, what rhymes with Florida? WGN. 2 PM Golf: Nationwid...
This Could Be It For Tom Glavine
Tom Glavine is out for the season. Dude tore up some ligaments in his elbow and says he won't come back if he has to get that ligament completely replaced. The 42-year-old went back to the Braves, turning down more money from the Mets to play where he had kept his offseason home. But he hasn't play...
May-Treanor And Walsh Are Like A Shark Riding On An Elephant's Back, Trampling And Eating Everything They See
Beach volleyball speaks to me about the innovative nature of America. Here we have a spinoff sport, where two people are doing the same work originally done by six, and doing it on arguably the slowest surface one could find in any sport. And the juggernaut that is Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh ...
Phelps Achieves Perfection With a Little Help From His Friends
Michael Phelps has just made history by eclipsing Mark Spitz's record of seven gold medals in a single Olympics with a win in the 4x100 medley relay in Beijing. Phelps maintained a small lead swimming the butterfly in the race's third leg and once again it was Jason Lezak holding off the opposition ...
Apparently We Can't Have Football Camp Without Broomstick Rape
I hate to be the guy that laughs every time some poor high school kid gets violated by some other kid or group of kids that think, "Hey, if I could stick something in this kid's ass, why, that would just be fantastic!" Where's the logic? It's not that these things are suddenly happening out of nowhe...
PED Testing In London Will Scare The Crap Out Of Everyone...Or So They Hope
Looking for some cutting-edge ways to improve athletic performance without failing a drug test? Aren't we all! With failed PED tests expected to be at a record high for these Beijing Games, testers aren't exactly resting on their laurels. They're trying to find ways to test for the next generation o...
Those Chinese Certainly Know How To Conduct A Job Search
It's been both enjoyable and sad to see some of the stories coming out of Beijing. It's been seemingly one unpleasant discovery after another, between the poor girl who was deemed unpretty enough to sing the Chinese national anthem and the faux ethnic kids around the flag during opening ceremonies. ...
Peyton Manning Finds One More Thing To Endorse
You'd think Peyton Manning would be happy with his Super Bowl ring, numerous lavish endorsement deals, and the adulation of Hindi children everywhere. Not so. Now he wants to win a gold medal, and has prepared a pitch for the unwashed masses. We're unwashed because he's never endorsed soap, you see....
Margarito Questions De La Hoya's Machismo
By the grace of God it doesn't appear that Oscar de la Hoya and Manny Pacquiao will be able to settle on financial terms for a proposed fight. This means that the door has re-opened (albeit by a crack) for the possibility of a real farewell fight against Antonio Margartio. Of course it should come ...
USA Basketball Beat Spain By 37 With Perimeter Shooting, Superior Apparel
The United States' And 1 Mix Tape Tour quest for their first gold medal in basketball in eight years claimed another victim this morning. America shot 12-of-25 from behind the freaking arc as Spain was blown out, 119-82. Eight Americans scored in double-digits as Spain was held to just 39 percent sh...
Little League World Series, Presented By Boston Market, Or So We Wish
Listed in order of start time...Little League World Series: Pool play. Players will not be permitted on the field within one hour of their last meal. ESPN, 11 a.m., 1 p.m., 6 p.m. and 8 p.m.; ABC, 3:30 p.m. Tennis: ATP Tour, Legg Mason Classic, semifinals. They still play tennis while the Olympics a...
Gay Can't Come Up With Burst In Heat, Denied Shot At Gold
By now you've almost certainly realized that American sprinter and butt-end of sophomoric humor (hehe, butt) Tyson Gay didn't even qualify for the final in the 100-meter (328 feet) dash, which was won in record-breaking fashion by Jamaica's Usain Bolt. Two great last names, each respectively illustr...