ing Page 1677 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Gilbert Arenas Is Playing Russian Roulette With His ACL
As always, the greatest moments of All-Star Weekend happen when the "game" isn't actually on, and The 700 Level found perhaps the best one. During a commercial break, Gilbert Arenas — of course — decided to satisfy a lifelong curiosity and, playing along with the "entertainment," dunked off a trampo...
Champaign's Long National Nightmare Is Over
As an old lifer at the Daily Illini, no story was less fun to talk about than Chief Illiniwek. We once had our own personal take on the embattled "symbol" of the University of Illinois, but we don't even remember what it was anymore: It was talked about every day, in the most banal and "emotional" t...
Who's Sorry Now? Naked Hi-Jinx Edition
Simply put, we can think of no more embarrassing yet hilarious opening line to a letter than this:...
Trying To Understand The Illini Car Crash
Now that Illini center Brian Carlwell's condition after Monday's accident in a car driven by teammate Jamar Smith has been upgraded to "fair," we think it's probably OK to look at some of the more bizarre aspects to the crash....
Hey, How Come All We Got Was A Team Ghana Keychain?
German hospitals are reporting a huge upsurge in maternity reservations for the month of April, which happens to be nine months after the 2006 World Cup was hosted in that country. Give us a minute while we figure out what's going on....
Charlie Weis Hates Internal Bleeding Much More Than He Hates Donuts
In case you've fallen behind on your coverage of failed gastric bypass surgery involving major college football coaches, Notre Dame head whale Charlie Weis is in Day One of his negligence trial in which doctors ignored internal bleeding warning signs. Weis underwent the surgery in 2002 because he wa...
Eli Manning Has A Hard Time Meeting Girls
We don't listen to the radio much — we're too busy with Meat Loaf and REO Speedwagon on an endless iPod loop — so we missed this little tidbit from the Opie and Anthony "show." Some guy named Jason Itzler, who used to run the NY Confidential "escort" service, was a guest on the show, and the hosts a...
Inside The Awful Illini Car Accident
As most of you have heard by now, two Illinois basketball players — center Brian Carlwell and shooting guard Jamar Smith — were injured in a car accident last night in Champaign. Smith suffered a concussion, but Carlwell is currently listed in critical condition at Carle Foundation Hospital, a hospi...
The Eye Of The Tiger Will Save A Serbian Village
Zitiste is a small Serbian town with a population just over 3,000. I guess the village is only mentioned in the news when they're hit with floods, and they're getting tired of it. To counteract this, they're spending money on not some sort of drainage or irrigation system, but... a big Rocky statue....
Agent Zero Fails To Back It Up
Gilbert Arenas had vowed to get 50 points against the Blazers today, in his continuing revenge tour against the coaching staff of the US Olympic basketball team. Blazers head man Nate McMillan was one of those coaches. Gilbert even implored ESPN to pick up the game to witness his spiteful heroics. H...
You Must Limber Up Before Cheering On The Flying Dutchmen
If this were happening at a powerhouse Division 1 school, it would be annoying. Since it's the Flying Dutchmen (and that might not be a misnomer, they might all actually be Dutch) of Division III Hope College, however ... I find it adorable....
Brendan Haywood and Etan Thomas Need a Timeout
Someday, the Washington Wizards are going to bring in a decent center, and he's going to kick both of their asses. Brendan Haywood and Etan Thomas reportedly got into a fight at practice, which would make their third fight over the last two years....
Baseball Players Hitting Each Other With Chairs
For those of you who pay attention to such matters, TNA wrestling is having some sort of pay-per-view event this weekend that will feature "Team Pierzynski" vs. "Team Eckstein." That's A.J. Pierzynski and David Eckstein, two people who have never been in our kitchen. In this "promo" clip, Pierzynski...
This Looks Like A Job For Jack Bauer
OK, Grandma ... put your hands in the air ... slowly ... step away from the bingo machine ... put down the knitting needles ... we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. It's your choice....
Motorized Vehicles And Elastics: A Match Made In Heaven
Of things we would never agree to do, this almost tops the list (Venezuelan drug mule still reigns at No. 1). But this adventurous lass is all on board. You rock, Amber!...
Your New 2006 Tour de France champion? Not Quite Yet, Oscar
Wait, just hold everything here. The Nation of France, postponing a major confrontation? That's odd. The air was thick with nervous anticipation (and, of course, fermented cheese) today as that country's national doping agency was expected to rule on Floyd Landis and the Urine Sample of Mystery. Bla...
When Will The Media Elite Stop Tearing Down Our White Heroes?
Every debate needs comic relief, and God bless him, Rush Limbaugh is always good for that. The former director of promotions for the Kansas City Royals in the early 1980s, and at one time the word's fifth-leading importer of OxyContin (behind Brazil), Limbaugh has become in recent years obsessed wit...
It Appears That Mike Tyson Might Need Some Help Or Something
This is going to come as a shock to most of you — it certainly came as a shock to us — but former heavyweight champion and all-around beacon of stability Mike Tyson has never been in rehab before. Seriously: With all the madness that has gone on with Tyson throughout his life, he's never been to reh...
Behold The Power Of Cheese
As if you didn't know, the New Zealand Cheese-Rolling Championship was Tuesday, with Gore's Tom Mackay claiming the title. For those not "with cheese," the object of the event is to hurtle down a steep incline with 10 or 15 other participants in pursuit of a large wheel of one of the town's finest c...
Ron Zook Will Turn Your Conventional Wisdom Upside Down
Our beloved alma mater, the University of Illinois, is having a mediocre year in basketball and has won, like, four games in two years, even forcing us to sit through a 33-0 loss to Rutgers last year that mostly resembled a cock fight between a rabid rooster and an egg. But worry not, fellow alums: ...