ing Page 1690 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Very Few Of Those 1.3 Billion Are Good Basketball Players
Team USA got back to their ass-romping ways this morning, beating China by a score of 121-90. Despite the presence of Yao Ming, China's not that good of a team. Really, they're probably the most poorly-equipped team to play the United States; they prefer (an unathletic) man defense, and their guar...
Urine Taints Marion Jones' EPO Sample
The Washington Post is reporting that Marion Jones failed a drug test at the U.S. nationals earlier this year. The test turned up a little erythropoietin, or EPO, as the cool kids call it. If her 'B' sample turns up the same thing, she's looking at a two-year ban. I'll give you a few minutes to reco...
Evander Holyfield Beats Up Insurance Salesman, Will Insist On Fighting Again
Bad news for Evander Holyfield. He won last night, which means his comeback is going to continue. After beating the hell out of Jeremy Bates last night, Holyfield says he wants a Top 10 fighter next....
When Babelfish Goes Bad
The country is Wales. The subject is bicycle safety; something we can all agree, probably, is very important. The sign is meant to warn riders that there is construction ahead, and they should walk their bikes. Problem is, the sign is also translated into Welsh. And the Welsh words, translated to En...
Watch An Old Man Cheat Death ... LIVE On Fox!
Slow, public meltdowns are no fun to watch, not even for the notoriously nasty and morbid voyeurs of the Internets. Which is why we await tonight's Evander Holyfield fight with a sense approaching dread. The fight, in Dallas and broadcast live on Fox Sports Net, pits the 43-year-old former champ (...
Ron Artest Talks With Kids: Can World Peace Be Far Behind?
From the looks of things, it's only a matter of time before Ron Artest is asked to appear on Sesame Street. We're a wee bit late on this, but fortunately TrueHoop was paying close attention to Artest's first day of mandatory community service yesterday, which was part of his punishment for the 2004 ...
We're Only 99 44/100ths Percent Pure, Ourselves
The woman on the left in this photo is Danika Schroeter. She finished second in the Canadian downhill mountain biking championships last week, finishing just one second behind Michelle Dumaresq. Dumaresq is the woman in the middle. The lady on the right ... we don't know who the lady on the right is...
Koren Robinson's Expensive Night Out
You might remember, during "Monday Night Football" a couple of nights ago, broadcasters Joe Theismann, Mike Tirico and Tony Kornheiser were praising oft-troubled Vikings wide receiver Koren Robinson for his triumphant return after years of alcohol abuse. Theismann, in particular, talked about Robins...
Somebody Please Stop Jim Terry. Soon.
You might think this (CURRENTLY ON SALE!) T-shirt would be the work of a prankster on CafePress, the type of guy who does stupid knockoff T-shirts any one's whim....
Chris Cooley's Pyrrhic Victory
The good news for Redskins TE Chris Cooley in last years game against Dallas is that he busted loose for three touchdowns in a 35-7 victory. The bad news was that in one of Cooley's four fantasy leagues, as noted here in the Washington Post, his fantasy opponent started Cooley against him. Cooley's ...
Hasim Rahman, Great American Hero
There's a big fight tonight on pay-per-view. Hasim Rahman, the only American boxer that still holds a heavyweight title, fights for American pride against Oleg Maskaev....
Four Tiny Tidbits On: The Independents
We must confess that we can't wait each year for the crunch of shoulder pads; for cleats churning up chunks of turf, and red-faced coaches screaming from the sidelines. But enough about lacrosse. College football season is upon us, and to celebrate, we're going to get back into tiny tidbit mode an...
Yes, As A Matter Of Fact I Do Own The Damn Road
What if one encountered Martin Luther King Jr., on Martin Luther King Jr. Parkway? What if you were driving through Lincoln Tunnel, and Lincoln showed up? Would you move over and let him pass? After all, it's his tunnel ... the darned thing was named after him. (Might get tedious waiting for that ho...
It's A General Manager Blood Feud!
We don't mean to imply that when you're screwed over by Washington Nationals GM Jim Bowden, it might be time to re-evaluate one's career choices, but ......
"Interests: Redskins, Clubs And GETTIN' DRUNK"
It just wouldn't be the NFL without some truly obsessed, frightening fans, and we've got some pretty worthy ones in the Dead Tree Crew, backers of the Washington Redskins and almost certainly the type of guys who beat up Daniel Snyder in high school....
The Contest Results Are In
It's something the sight of which caused Mrs. Costanza to stumble and throw out her back, and truthfully, if she had seen this, it would have killed her. The 2006 Masturbate-a-thon is now in the record books, as approximately 50 participants — mostly men, and not including Mike Cooper — "dragged t...
You Got Neil Rackers, Yo
All right, so we know this isn't real, and we know it's just an NFL promotional video (for a product we don't use; we prefer Yahoo for our all fantasy games, to be honest with you), but we still could not resist....
The B Sample Cannot Save Floyd
Floyd Landis's fall from grace appears to be complete. They finally got around to testing his B sample this morning, and - surprise, surprise - it was as tainted as a Paris Hilton pap smear. It's a little sad, but to be honest, it's probably more fun for American sports fans to have another doper to...
Gentlemen, Start Your Wanking
Right now Carl Monday is snapping down the protective visor on his riot helmet, scrambling into the back of the WKYC Action News van and yelling "Let's roll!" Yes, the big Masturbate-A-Thon is tomorrow,* which, if you live in Europe, still leaves you plenty of time to get to Drop Studios in London...
Finally Making Some Money Off Southeast Jerome
Fully capitalizing on something it stumbled across last season, the official Redskins site Redskins.com is now selling T-shirts adorned with every Clinton Portis character from his press conferences last year. Those who were with us last season will remember our schoolgirl crush on Portis, particu...