ing Page 1694 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Altitude Sickness
Hey, for the last time, if you're climbing Mount Everest and you get into trouble, could you do the other climbers the courtesy of dying off the trail? Just crawl over to the side so that you're out of the way. Thanks. We wrote about this a while back, and it's happened again: A man who reached th...
Barbaro Finally Responds To Fans
As we have widely documented extensively and in excruciating detail, all kinds of gentle-hearted simps have been sending letters to the injured Barbaro over the last few months....
Sport We Don't Understand No. 86: Mountaineering
Whenever someone asks us why we have never climbed Mount Everest, we always reply: too crowded. Seems these days as if the last mile to the summit is like a noontime line at Starbucks. But at least we figured that if we ever encountered trouble, there would be plenty of people around to help us ou...
Sean Taylor Free To Visit All Kinds Of DJs Now
One of our favorite, quietly sublime stories of the last couple months involved Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor and his battle with a prosecutor who worked as a DJ in his spare time. (His MySpace page included the immortal self-description as a bulging-biceps, headphones-wearing prosecutor ...
Spell F-A-I-L-U-R-E, Kid
We'll confess: We love the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee. We watch every minute we can, and apparently we're not alone, considering ABC is broadcasting the finals live tomorrow night in primetime. (To the network's eternal credit, Robin Roberts will be hosting, not Stuart Scott. Whew.)...
The King Is Dead, Long Live The King
Zack Hample has insulted us once too often. You remember Hample, the Dead End Kid who claims to have collected more than 2,000 baseballs at major league parks. In a recent post over at his blog, The Baseball Collector, Hample mocks Deadspin in a most egregious and insulting manner concerning Barry...
So, How Is That Horse Anyway?
For those of you who were wondering how everyone's favorite non-sentient being was going in his quest to survive long enough to have sex with any horse in sight, the Associated Press has a full report on jockey Edgar Prado visiting the horse in the hospital today....
Carson Palmer's Charitable Contributions
From what we understand from various Cincinnati residents, the act of "cornholing" is quite big in the area....
I Will Joust You With My Finger, Bitch.
It's very sadly missing from the Sunday TV sports lineup, but there is a hot new sport on the horizon. It's called Finger Jousting, and it's sweeping the... okay, it's not sweeping the nation or anything else. But they do have a website. So that's step one. Here's how the sport works:...
Mmmmm... Milk.
Sam Hornish Jr., who pulled out too soon a little earlier in the race, is now free to pop off anytime he would like. He's your Indy 500 Champion, and for some reason, poured a bottle of milk all over himself immediately afterwards. I understand that it's a tradition, but I think it's one that's a ...
"Sam Hornish Pulled Out Too Soon"
Our pals at Jalopnik are in the corporate hospitality suite, watching the race, and... instant messenging each other. That's not a sentence I thought I'd ever be typing. Here's a snippet:...
NASCAR Gets An Asterisk Of Its Own
When the Coca-Cola 600 kicks off later today, Michael Waltrip will make his 262nd consecutive start, which ranks sixth on the all-time list. But I'm favor of adding a big fat asterisk to Waltrip's spot on the list, because he didn't earn his spot, he bought it....
More From Deep Inside Indy
The Jalopnik fellas continue to penetrate the Indy 500 scene like Fred Smooth with a broomstick. They've already wormed their way into the official Indy 500 parade, ripped the lid off of an apparent child-slavery ring in the Indianapolis area, and taken a lap around the track in the official pace ...
...And The Sex Boat Sails Out Of Our Lives
It looks like we may be officially closing the cabin door on the Minnesota sex boat incident. Both Bryant McKinnie and Fred Smoot pleaded guilty yesterday to disorderly conduct and being a public nuisance on a watercraft. They'll both get fines and community service. And here's a nice quote from t...
Jalopnik Is All Over Indy
It's Indy 500 weekend, as I'm sure you're aware. This is a huge event, and I know that because Cold Pizza sent Woody Paige and Skip Bayless there to do the show this week. Not to be outdone, though, our pals at Jalopnik are also live at the speedway. We're going to be leaning heavily on them for cov...
Just Another Manic Monday
Before the week runs its course and we head into our pleasant weekend of barbecues and hangovers, we just wanted to once again salute the genius of CLEVELAND'S INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER Carl Monday, who continues to blow the lid of the cottage "jerking off in a library to get away from one's terrifyi...
What Being "Put Out To Stud" Can Really Mean
As recovering horse Barbaro continues to rake in the get-well cards and well-wishes from somewhat bewildering "fans," we take a moment to look at what being "put out to stud" really means. If Barbaro does survive all this, we all have an image of Barbaro spending his golden years humping around, b...
The Most Brilliant Thing You'll See All Day
So a local television station in Cleveland decided to put together an "investigative report" on the dangers of allowing your children to go to the public library....
Letters To Barbaro
As BarbaroMania sweeps the nation like a crazy horse tsunami, we pause to pay tribute to our army of commenters, who were in top form on Wednesday. Your messages to Barbaro were, um, at once inspiring and disturbing: "Get up. WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. — Jack Bauer, 35; Los Angeles, CA, USA, soon ...