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WWE Invaded By Yet Another Idiot On The Field [UPDATE]
Dumbasses trying to make scripted grappling “real to them” have increased their attempts to invade the pro wrestling ring, and one such Idiot made it in as a pretend secret guest on tonight’s WWE pay-per-view (the real secret: Chris Jericho). His reward? The usual: getting sacked by WWE security....

Please Do Better, Vikings Fans
One of the most hardest hitting babies in the league was spotted at TCF Bank Stadium today. I mean, if you can afford to take the whole family to an NFL game, you can probably afford to get the kid a new shirsey to go with the Bosworth ‘do. ...

Notre Dame Defensive Back Tears His ACL While Celebrating
Yesterday, Sophomore safety Drue Tranquill injured himself celebrating a broken up pass during Notre Dame’s win over Georgia Tech. Turns out he tore his ACL, which he also tore last year. Poor guy. ...

A Step In The Right Direction? Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL
The NFL’s disciplinary process for on-field behavior made the news this week after Pacman Jones was fined but not suspended for what sure looked like criminal assault on Sunday. Everyone predicted a suspension—this is, after all, the NFL, where evidently 90 percent (or more) of the league’s PR strat...

Kliff Kingsbury Clowns Bret Bielema After Texas Tech Beats Arkansas
It has not been a good year for Arkansas football and Bret Bielema. The Razorbacks came into the season ranked #18, but have since wilted. Bielema made fun of Ohio State for having an easy schedule, then his team went and lost to Toledo, the type of opponent he had just dismissed....

Texas Linebacker Stricken With Sudden, Timely Bout Of Wefuckedupitis
When in doubt, pretend you’re injured. That’s how Edwin Freeman avoided being caught offside by Cal after the Longhorns linebacker started to head toward the sidelines with the Bears lined up to snap the ball on second-and-goal. Per NCAA rules, Texas burned a timeout for the injury anyway; with the ...

Notre Dame Defensive Back Knocked Out With Severe Knee Injury Suffered While Celebrating
Sophomore Fighting Irish defensive back Drue Tranquill left today’s game against Georgia Tech in the first half after suffering what appears (and, from NBC’s microphones, sounds like) a terrible knee injury amidst celebrating breaking up a pass in the Notre Dame end zone. ...

Cops Arrest Four From 49ers Stadium Parking Lot Fight
Yesterday, the Santa Clara Police Department announced that they had arrested four people, three men and one woman, for felony assault for Monday’s parking lot beating at Levi’s Stadium, where a handful of 49ers fans kicked around a Vikings fan in an Antoine Winfield jersey. ...

A Hot-Pepper IPA For Tasteful Tough Guys
Earlier this week, it was announced that Anheuser-Busch InBev, the Belgo-Brazilian conglomerate that owns Budweiser, Stella Artois, and a great many other beers you hate, is trying to acquire SABMiller, the British and South African concern responsible for all the Miller, Coors, Leinenkugel (it’s tr...

Alex Ovechkin's Birthday Gift Was A Ship–No, Wait, A <i>Sheep</i>
Alex Ovechkin turned 30 yesterday. While that fact jolts you into realizing your own age, let’s check out what gifts the Capitals captain received:...

ESPN's Matthew Berry Sells Credibility To DraftKings
You know how it’s barely Week 2 of the NFL season and you’re already sick and fucking tired of DraftKings commercials? Well, good luck, because ESPN fantasy writing is now just one long DraftKings commercial too....

Tell Us About A Time You Pissed Yourself
You may have a story about that one time you peed all over yourself. If you don’t, you likely have a story about that one time your buddy peed all over himself. We want to hear those stories. ...

Dabo Swinney Needs To Work On His Whip, And Also His Nae Nae
Clemson had a close call last night, escaping with a 20-17 victory over unranked Louisville. A win on national TV naturally calls for some locker-room dancing, and head coach Dabo Swinney was happy to get in on the action....


How To Eat At A Fancy Restaurant
At some point in your life, you’ll have to eat at a dining establishment where there are more forks on your table then there are ties in your closet. It’s a daunting prospect, but just roll with it. You’ll be fine. We made this video to be your guide. ...

How To Clean An Extra-Foul Bathroom
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....

Tyrod Taylor's Coin-Eating Skills Are Unimpressive
Bills quarterback Tyrod Taylor had a chat with Lindsay Czarniak on ESPN Wednesday night, and as he rattled off fun facts about himself, we all learned that he accidentally ate a quarter when he was a kid. Big deal, I say....

Ducks' Clayton Stoner Charged For Killing And Beheading Cheeky The Bear
NHL player Clayton Stoner, then with the Minnesota Wild, traveled to British Columbia in May of 2013, killed a grizzly bear, cut off his head, and posed for a photo. That September, we declared him an enemy of Deadspin. Today, Stoner’s facing five charges related to the death of Cheeky the bear....

Slava Voynov, In Immigration Custody, Says He Will Voluntarily Return To Russia
Two weeks ago Los Angeles Kings defenseman Slava Voynov completed a 90-day sentence (though he ultimately served just under 60 days) after pleading no contest to domestic violence charges. Upon his release from jail, Voynov was immediately scooped into custody by the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enf...

Peyton Manning Dropped Some Dad Burns On The Denver Media
Peyton Manning made a surprise appearance on the Denver Broncos’ injury report. The injury, apparently in his back, isn’t anything major, but it was still something Manning anticipated the media would want to question him about. He decided to head off these concerns with some jokes that your dad wil...