kentuckyderby Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dee Mirich Cranks Out The Classic Of All Classics
Many of us have wondered why prolific message board poet Dee Mirich has remained silent on the tragic Eight Belles Kentucky Derby accident. After all, when Barbaro fell, you couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting one of her offerings. But now all is clear: Ms. Mirich had been working feverishly o...
Introducing The Booze Sandwich
So, young Americans, what's your preferred technique for sneaking booze into sporting events? In this day of increased security, one must expand one's horizons and think, as they say, outside the cardboard parallelogram. Witness these enterprising gentlemen and their successful attempt to booze up t...
It's PETA's World, We Just Live In It
When future generations study the first decade of the 21st Century, the debate of course will turn to the Great Racehorse Protests of 2008. In the wake of the Eight Belles tragedy at the Kentucky Derby, PETA is bringing all guns to bear on the remaining Triple Crown events; planning protests at the ...
Culprit Found In Eight Belles Tragedy. It's Hillary, Of Course
Backing the wrong horse is always deadly in politics, especially when it's an actual horse. Poor Hillary Clinton. How can someone get into trouble just betting on the Kentucky Derby? By making a huge deal about placing a bet on a horse that had to be destroyed right on the track, that's how. Now PET...
It's Getting Crowded In Horse Valhalla
Eight Belles is probably in Heaven by now, galloping in fields of clover on four sturdy legs and eating tasty apples. No, I'm not sure which friends she's romping about with up there (a safe bet; one of them is not Christopher Reeve). Down here on earth, though, things are quite unsettled. Who is to...
War Emblem Isn't Interested In Breeding; Not That There's Anything Wrong With That
You've probably seen this by now, but, alas, it's still great. War Emblem is tired of the dating scene. Take this farm, for instance; everyone here is such a phony. He'd rather stay in his stall and curl up with a nice Dee Mirich poem, if you want to know the truth. The race horse, who won the Kentu...
Your One-Stop Kentucky Derby Guide
The Kentucky Derby is this weekend. That's fun! Horses! We don't know a lick about it, so we asked Angelo Grasso, of The Gowanus Rotisserie Baseball Gazette, to preview the race for us. Maybe you can even make yourself some money....
Steve Spurrier Enjoys Oats, Hay, Mounting Mares
For years, SEC opponents have been referring to South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier as a horse's ass. Now, once and for all, he is a horse. And he might just make the Kentucky Derby....
Today In Poor Gambling Decisions
Among grand, innovative ideas in the annals of gambling on horse racing, this is not one of the better ones....
Live From Churchill Downs...
I was under the impression that this thing would be run at around 5 p.m. Not the case, as it turns out ... NBC's coverage starts at 5, but they don't start actually beating the horses until around 6. Somehow, I had forgotten that that a 2-minute requires 6 hours of pregame preparation....
None Of These Boys Look Particularly Big Or Bossy
About 45 minutes from now, the Kentucky Derby will get underway, and Barbaro will attempt to defend his crown ... wait, what? Dammit. Oh well....
Grow, Hooves, Grow!
As we approach the biggest horse racing event of the year, the question hangs in the air: Which horse will suffer a fatal injury on the track, inspiring new innovations in interpretive dance? We're going with "Tiago."...