mb Page 401 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Michael Vick Delivered A Graduation Speech, But No One Paid Attention
Remember Dwight Eisenhower's famous farewell address, where he warned us of the military-industrial complex, but we didn't listen to him and wound up in lots of unnecessary (and unnecessarily costly) wars? Maybe this is the lowbrow version of that address....
Hungover Rock Climber Poops Hisself
Here, watch this. It's old. But it's good! It also has poop. Whatever, it's a summer Friday....
Joba Will Be Neithuh Startuh Nor Relievuh Fuh A While
Everybody's favorite so-so Yankee swingman, Joba Chamberlain, was diagnosed today with a torn elbow ligament that will likely require Tommy John surgery....
The Tropicana Casino In Atlantic City Is Being Devoured By Sharks
The Tropicana Casino and Resort in Atlantic City was bankrupt in 2009 when billionaire corporate raider Carl Icahn sidled up with $200 million to buy the joint. After New Jersey approved Icahn's bid in 2010, the Tropicana embraced a new strategy: high stakes table games. (You can now bet $50,000 on ...
Now Detroit Also Wants To Hire Isiah Thomas
Yes, the story's from Chris Broussard, so we should take it with a Dead Sea's worth of salt, but it looks like things might get a whole lot worse for the poor folks of Detroit....
Pop Cultural Oddsmaker: What Will Be The First Column On Grantland?
The countdown clock says we're mere minutes away from launch of the most heralded website subsection named for a long-dead hagiographer since Salon's ill-fated ÆlfricOfEynsham.com. We couldn't be more excited, because they've gathered a lot of talented people, many of whom haven't yet had the proper...
John Buccigross Just Mistakenly And Fittingly Called Wilt Chamberlain The "Big Dick" On Air
John Buccigross, Fire Joe Morgan's most ardent fan, bequeathed his own gift to the site on SportsCenter this afternoon. He quickly corrected himself for the factual error....
Cubs Pitcher Can't Break A Bat Over His Leg Unless Given Two Attempts
After watching his pitcher lose his shit after a Houston Astro struck him out, Cubs manager Mike Quade compared Carlos Zambrano to Cosmo Kramer....
Watch This Heroic Linesman Valiantly Try To Keep The Portland Timbers Undefeated At Home
Despite the best efforts of its alcoholic fans and a possibly drunk linesman, the Portland Timbers finally lost at home this past weekend. For a while, though, it looked like Portland might steal a victory from visiting DC United. That was because the refereeing crew seemed determined to give the ...
An Edmonton Oiler Picked Up A Hitchhiking Bono In Vancouver
As a young driver, they used to tell me: Always pick up hitchhikers. You never know when one of them will be the guy who scored Spider-Man: the Musical....
This Story About Rigged Italian Soccer Astoundingly Has Nothing To Do With Sepp Blatter
Sixteen people—including current Serie B/C and former Serie A players, including ex-Lazio captain Giuseppe Signori—were arrested today related to fishy results throughout Italy's leagues. We suppose this thing is a bit more common in Europe than it is here, but wow. This is the biggest match-fixing ...
Hungover Portlanders Rise From Their Organic Granola To Respond To Us
Here's Stumptown Footy's full post. To which we say: dude....
Portland Fans Are Too Hung Over To Cheer Properly
The surest sign that it was a good idea to give Portland an MLS franchise: their fans already have a collective drinking problem. The supporters group is turning teetotaler to keep from embarrassing itself again....
Jimmie Johnson's Crew Chief: "You Gotta Be Fucking Kidding Me," To National Fox Audience
In all fairness, the car Chad Knaus was watching did appear to, you know, blow up at tonight's Coca-Cola 600. Johnson finished 28th. Kevin Harvick won, after Dale Earnhardt, Jr., who was leading, ran out of gas on the last lap. I'm told it's quite expensive these days....
Chone Figgins's Low Batting Average Helps People Get Drunker, Cheaper
Seattle Mariners third baseman Chone Figgins is currently batting .202 on the season. Hitting a notable .087 this past week, manager Eric Wedge sat Chone on the bench for last night's game against the Yankees. There's chatter of moving him down in the lineup; like No. 9 down....
Only A Jets Fan Keeps Vince Lombardi's Grave From Being A Neglected Embarrassment
Vince Lombardi was buried with his wife and parents in a little cemetery in Northern New Jersey. Almost immediately, it was abandoned to the elements....
Meet The Blackjack Superhero Who Took Atlantic City For $15 Million
Two weeks ago, we learned about the gambling ace who saddled the Tropicana Casino and Resort with a record $5.8 million loss at the blackjack tables in April. There was much speculation about his identity. Now, there is an answer. The Press of Atlantic City scored an interview with the gambler, an O...
Sometimes, Tom Brady Makes It Too Easy To Have A Tom Brady Caption Contest
Torn from the Just Jared "Gisele Bundchen: Bikini Pooltime with Tom Brady!" headlines comes this wonderful shot of the New England Patriots quarterback totally enjoying the pool slide at a Mexican resort....
This Video Suggests That David Kahn Was Just Trying To Make A Funny
Yes, last night David Kahn broke the funny rule that jokes that are even vaguely about kids with terrible diseases and/or widows are never really funny, but the actual tone of the remarks he made last night — which have since given rise to conspiracy theories, a load of criticism, a Twitter trend,...
David Kahn Sort Of Accuses Stern Of Fixing Lottery So Gilbert's Sick Kid Would Win
So we told you about Dan Gilbert's son, who won the draft lottery tonight, but was born with neurofibromatosis, a disease that means tumors can grow throughout his body without warning....