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I Mean, He Does Carry The Ball

The Warriors And Kings Set A Whole Bunch Of Three-Point Records

The Warriors may possibly be all fucked up—in fact a good sign of that is that they made 21 threes against the Kings and nearly lost—but they can still put on a show. Last night’s game featured at least four shooting records:...

Dirk Nowitzki Couldn't Get The Two Measly Points The Celtics Kind Of Wanted To Give Him

“Most career points in the arena by a visiting Western Conference player” is the type of mark that’s closer to a tough trivia answer than a cherished record, and Dirk Nowitzki only needed a single field goal to pass Kobe Bryant for it in Boston last night. Everyone involved wanted the vile Kobe to l...

It's Fucking Coffee

We thought stories about mundane things “taking over” locker rooms couldn’t have survived beyond Bleacher Report’s breathless story about how NBA players were obsessed with drinking water, but a contender for worst entry into the genre has emerged, courtesy of food-related schlongformer extraordinai...

Derrick Rose’s Bullshit Redemption Story Might Make Him An All-Star

Every year, the NBA releases the first round of All-Star Game fan voting as a way to drum up excitement for its yearly showcase of the best players in the league. This season’s first batch of voting holds few surprises; among the top vote-getters are LeBron James, Kyrie Irving, Steph Curry, and... ...

Pancakes Are Bullshit

It is a matter of public record where Drew Magary, the beloved honking prince of this website, lands on the question of pancakes. The big dog is pro-flapjack without apology, and our boy likes them large. But while Drew is recovering well from his post-Deadspin Awards injury, he was not in the studi...

Zion Williamson Laughs And Hides His Face After Being Asked About Maybe Someday Joining The Knicks

The insanely overpowered Duke Blue Devils gave Texas Tech their first loss of the season Thursday night, at Madison Square Garden, in a refreshingly competitive 69–58 game. Among other things, this was humanoid megafauna Zion Williamson’s first career game at the home of the Knicks, and so of course...

Sweet, The NBA Season Is About To Start

Every sports league is too long, but each is too long in its own specific way. The NFL’s mirrors the sport’s true nature as a weekly television show; Major League Baseball can make a half-convincing case for those multiple months of deeply meaningless games in its middle as part of its broader summe...

ESPN Eats Its Own Tail Over The Faint Idea Of LeBron James And Anthony Davis Together

It’s easy to see why you—basketball reporter or blogger or TV analyst or general enthusiast not hailing from New Orleans—might salivate at the prospect at Anthony Davis and LeBron James on the same roster. I’m right there with you. It’s an enticing prospect, because it would provide a flesh-and-bloo...

Devin Booker Joins Rich Tradition Of Humiliating Enes Kanter

Way back in January of last season, Devin Booker was ejected from a game after gently shoving Enes Kanter in the Suns’ 107-85 loss to the Knicks. Kanter, being as exhaustingly online as he is, made an insipid meme depicting Booker holding a large “L” right after the game....

Dan Hooker Took Just So Much Punishment From Edson Barboza

The worst way to fight Edson Barboza is to let the lanky Brazilian have the necessary space to get his terrifying kicks off. Kiwi action fighter Dan Hooker very occasionally (so, like, twice) ruffled Barboza with spurts of pressure in the second round of their fight last weekend on the UFC’s final c...

Dave Joerger Wildly Overshoots The Mark While Clarifying Excessively Pro-Luka Dončić Comments

The good young Kings beat the good young Mavericks on Sunday, in Luka Dončić’s first career regular season game against the team that unexpectedly passed on drafting him with the second overall pick back in June. Dončić had 28 points on 15 shots and was excellent; Marvin Bagley III, whom the Kings s...

Audacious Clown Tries To Win Back $100 In Daily Fantasy Losses, By Going To Court Twice

On April 1, 2016, Colin Dew-Becker joined degenerates nationwide in a nightly ritual: blowing money on daily fantasy sports. He lost $100 on a wager, plus $9 in fees, in an NBA head-to-head contest on FanDuel. In point of fact, Dew-Becker was positively smoked, losing by a score of 221.1 points to 9...

LeBron And Lonzo Post A Rare Double Triple-Double 

LeBron James posted 24 points, 12 rebounds and 11 assists, his second triple-double of the season, and then sat out the whole fourth quarter as the Lakers lashed the Hornets Saturday. As LeBron headed off the court to rest his bones, he took Lonzo Ball aside and told him to look up: the 21-year-old...

Warriors Accuse Athletic Writer Of Fabricating Steph Curry “Tranny Sex Tape” Joke [Update]

In a profile of Steph Curry published earlier this week, Marcus Thompson II, a writer for The Athletic, described a scene between Curry and rapper Mistah F.A.B. in which the two were “laughing [...] about a certain tranny sex tape.” After facing backlash over the use of the slur, The Athletic change...

Former NBPA Union President And New Sparks Head Coach Derek Fisher Joins Up With A Shady Luxury Lending Outfit

Longtime NBA guard, controversial Players Association president, and failed Knicks coach Derek Fisher has reportedly joined up with a shady alternative lender that targets professional athletes and other “high-net-worth individuals and families” who find themselves challenged by the “burdensome and ...

Steph Curry Pulls Up From 238,900 Miles, Denies Moon Landing

Over the weekend, the Chang’e-4 spacecraft took flight from Sichaun province in China. It is bound for the far side of the Moon. The craft is expected to touch down early next month, becoming the first ever to “soft-land” on the far side. Where does Steph Curry think the craft is headed?...

Frank Ntilikina Gave The Knicks A "Please Don't Trade Me" Game

Frank Ntilikina racked up three straight DNPs, even on this tanking team with no immediate ambitions. The Knicks are a buffalo carcass out in the plains, and trade whispers flitted around like flies. It was uncomfortably easy to envision the Knicks’ 2017 lottery pick, who is still a basketball inf...

Some Basketball Stuff The Chicago Bulls Did While The Boston Celtics Were Beating The Stuffing Out Of Them

So, ah, it didn’t go real great for the Bulls last night, as they played their second game in as many days, at home against the hot and better-rested Boston Celtics. It took the Bulls more than six minutes to score their first point, a free-throw; they were down 18 before they made an actual field g...

Packers' Joe Philbin Runs Out Of Challenges 83 Seconds Into The Game

Joe Philbin clearly wanted to make a statement in his first game as the Packers’ interim head coach by going aggressive against the Falcons. Unfortunately, that aggression came in the form of indiscriminately throwing his red challenge flag whenever he saw fit....