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The Things You Learn From Local News
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Geno Smith To Jeering Jets Fan: "Fuck You"
Not only did Geno Smith lose today, but the Jets crowd booed the quarterback and chanted "We want Vick" as the Lions won. Smith, who completed 17 of 33 passes with a touchdown and two turnovers, wasn't happy after the game, and chose to respond to a Jets fan with a "fuck you." A nearby camera from...

Derek Jeter Hits RBI Infield Single In Final At-Bat Of Career
Derek Jeter took his final at-bat in the third inning at Fenway Park today. He hit an RBI infield single before being subbed out for Brian McCann. Never again will Jeter have to play one of those 10-hour Yankees-Red Sox games....

Red Sox Hire Fake Aretha Franklin To Serenade Jeter With "Respect"
What better gift to give a departing Derek Jeter than a cheap Aretha knockoff? Observers are unimpressed:...

Report: Joe Girardi Called Out Yankees Before Jeter's Final Home Game
The Derek Jeter farewell tour is nice, but it's also serving as a distraction for a large concern in the Bronx: The Yankees have now missed the postseason for a second straight season. Excluding the 1994 season, which had no playoffs due to a strike, that hasn't happened since 1992-1993. Manager Joe...

Local TV Tries To Cover Shellshock Bug, Fails Miserably
With news breaking yesterday of a potentially catastrophic bug in the Bash shell since dubbed "Shellshock," media outlets rushed to breathlessly tell viewers about their newly hackable Apple computers. In that rush, they almost universally got the facts wrong....

CBS Radio Producer Gets All Emotional About Derek Jeter
Before Derek Jeter's emotional last game at Yankee Stadium, CBS Sports radio host Damon Amendolara brought his Yankees-fan producer, Shaun Morash, on the air to talk about Jeter's impending retirement. The tears came pretty quickly....

That Derek Jeter Screencap, With Every Number Being Two, Is Fake
You might have seen this Derek Jeter photo somewhere on the internet today. Wow, look at all those twos! The baseball gods made it so, #R2p2ct, etc. Unfortunately, it's fake, and the guy who made it feels bad for fooling you....

Derek Jeter Went Out The Way He Deserved
I want you to just listen to the crowd as it watches the outcome of Derek Jeter's final at-bat at Yankee Stadium. It rises to pure white noise as the ball gets through the right side, sounding about as loud as a ballpark could possibly get. And then Antoan Richardson scores, and it gets louder....

Derek Jeter Hits Walk-Off In Final At-Bat At Yankee Stadium
Well, that happened. Here's a version without Bob Costas, using just the crowd audio track:...

Mets Writer Notes Team Hasn't Balked All Year; Mets Immediately Balk
This is just beautiful:...

So Normal It Hurts: The Triumph And Tragedy Of Phil Hartman
There were few thrills in preadolescent life as dependable as the voice of Troy McClure. That first resoundingly confident "Hi!" triggered a Pavlovian response like no other single syllable: Here, without a doubt, comes a belly laugh....

ESPN Suspends Bill Simmons Three Weeks Over Goodell Criticism
Bill Simmons practically begged ESPN to suspend him, and the oafish and epically tight-assed media behemoth did just that Wednesday night, giving him three weeks for coming to the same conclusion about NFL commissioner Roger Goodell that just about everyone in the thinking public has....

Phil Jackson Says Melo Will Move The Ball. So Did These Guys.
"The ball can't stop," is definitionally just some flatulence squeezing out of a hundred basketball coaches at any given moment. But this week, it happens that Phil Jackson, the new Knicks boss messiah, said this while referring to Carmelo, the basketball player whom Jackson signed this offseason. ...

Keith Olbermann Takes A Big Ol' Poo On Derek Jeter
For anyone who is fed up with Derek Jeter's season-long victory parade and all of the muck that it has produced, this nearly seven-minute monologue from Keith Olbermann will feel downright pornographic. ...

How A GOP Strategist Tells The Panthers To Market Their Stars
Top political strategist Frank Luntz is the man setting Roger Goodell's message, but he's also working with individual teams, including in Washington, Chicago, and Carolina, to market their star players. Below you'll find LuntzGlobal's notes on three Carolina Panthers players and how best to se...

Never High Five A Guy Who Can Only Make A Fist
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Mighty Mite Football Players Thwarted By Banner
The parents of players of the Wallkill (NY) Mighty Mites tried to do something nice for the first home game of the season, but alas, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. It seems that they thought their 50 pound sons would be strong enough to break through a vinyl banner while emulating t...

"Fuck It": TV Reporter Quits On-Air To Fight For Marijuana Legalization
KTVA Anchorage reporter Charlo Greene profanely quit her job at the station in the middle of last night's newscast. Greene made the announcement immediately following a story on a medical marijuana business, and the revelation that she is the business's owner....

All Of The Points In The Raiders-Patriots Game Were Scored By "-Kowskis"
It was a big game for fans of Polish NFL players....