neworleans Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
No One Notices The Spurs Because No One Notices San Antonio
Here's a working barstool-grade theory as to why, during its dynastic run to four (perhaps soon five) titles since 1999, America still embraces the San Antonio Spurs with a yawn and a why are you still here? squint. This phenomenon has flustered if not baffled sports cognoscenti for years. But they ...
Local News Anchor Has No Idea Who Mo Farah Is, Asks Him If He's Ever Run Before
You remember Mo Farah, right? He's the Somali-born runner who became the darling of the 2012 Summer Olympics after winning gold in the 10,000 meter and 5,000 meter races. How could you forget the man who gave us this image?...
Louisiana Hates Snow, Is A Buzzkill
Remember Patriots-Raiders in 2001? The Snowplow Game? Dolphins-Cowboys on Thanksgiving 1993? A bunch of games from the 1940s and 50s that most of us weren't alive for? Snow games might be low scoring, but they are awesome, and people want more of them....
Why Did The Superdome Power Go Out?
The lights went out, and they stayed out for 34 minutes. Colin Kaepernick had just been sacked, and the 49ers were down 22, and if momentum is a real thing, the blackout swung it firmly to San Francisco. Had the Niners come back to win, the power outage would've gone down in sports history as one o...
Man Interrupts NFL Network Live Shot, Rips Seam In Fabric Of Space And Time
The ramifications may not be felt immediately, but what this man has done cannot be undone. Aimlessly wandering around Bourbon Street, this man—a Ravens fan, way to go Baltimore—stumbled across the NFL Network's camera crew filming a light hearted live segment with Michelle Beisner....
This Flaccid <i>Times-Picayune</i> Write-Up Of The Playboy Super Bowl Party Confirms The Death Of The Printed Word
While the most odious piece of Super Bowl journalism was achieved, flagrantly, when Rick Reilly decided it was his place to tell Colin Kaepernick how to run his complicated family life, the silver-medal podium had remained fallow until today. We can all thank the scorched shell of the Times-Picayune...
Drunk 49ers Fan Crashes Broadcast. Reporter Asks Her, "How Long Have You Had An STD?"
Jessica Sanchez, of WKMG in Orlando, is our new local news hero. While doing a stand-up in the French Quarter on New Orleans's preparations for the Super Bowl, Sanchez had an uninvited guest crash the party. Since the woman wanted to talk on camera so badly, Sanchez improvised the perfect line of ...
New Orleans Welcomes The Super Bowl With A "Roger Goodell Being Eaten By A Giant Vagina" Float
The Krewe du Vieux is one of the first parades on the Carnival calendar, and surely the most explicit. The Times-Picayune says it "aims for eyebrow-raising, low-brow amusement and often hits the mark with its rude designs and naughty details." But topicality is important, and with Roger Goodell comi...
Drew Brees Is Now Being Used To Sell Bath Salts (The Kind You Smoke)
This should be obvious, but if you want to sell narcotic bath salts masquerading as aromatherapy powder, there's no better packaging than Drew Brees, photoshopped to make it look like he's wearing Heath Ledger's Joker makeup (we think). It's basic marketing. Unfortunately, Blue Brees, the hot new d...
The Weather Channel's Jim Cantore Brings Back Tebowing As A Wind-Avoidance Strategy
Harbinger of sorrow Jim Cantore took to the New Orleans streets this morning to demonstrate to viewers the blistering wind gusts of Hurricane Isaac as it pounds its wet fists across the face of New Orleans, but at one point found himself unable to remain upright....
The Pro Bowl May Survive For Another Year Of Uselessness By Moving To New Orleans
Just when it looked like the NFL was ready to do right by the Pro Bowl by putting it down, at least for next year, the league has decided to reconsider its attachment to pointless all-star football....
Alleged Alabama Teabagger Arraigned, Pleads Not Guilty
Brian Downing pled not guilty to charges he committed a sex crime in the hours after the Crimson Tide's BCS Championship win over LSU in New Orleans when he allegedly teabagged a Tigers fan at the Bourbon Street Krystal restaurant....
New Orleans Gets The NBA All-Star Game, Again
Now that the Hornets finally have an owner who isn't every other NBA owner, it's time for the association to pay up. The 2014 All-Star Game will be held in New Orleans, which hasn't hosted it since all the way back in 2008....
An Inside Look At How Jeremy Shockey Will Beat This "Snitching" Rap
Self-proclaimed life coach Jeremy Shockey was fingered today by NFL Network's Warren Sapp as the "snitch" who helped expose the New Orleans Saints' bounty program that led to coach Sean Payton's subsequent one-year suspension. Now, in keeping with the NFL's arcane sense of antiquated machismo, that'...
New Orleans Police Are Officially Looking For The Teabagger
New Orleans cops now believe an act of sexual battery has occurred in the Krystal teabagging incident, and are seeking the public's help in finding a "person of interest." WWL has the full wanted poster, while the Times-Picayune reports police won't say if the victim is cooperating. WVUE in New Orl...
The Crying Alabama Fan Gets The Last Laugh
You do remember the crying Bama fan, don't you? Dressed like Bear Bryant, a blonde sorority girl on his arm, moved to tears by an overtime loss in the Game of the Century. He headed down to New Orleans this weekend, where he was recognized by an LSU fan who just happened to have a blown up photo of ...
Even The Trains In New Orleans Dislike Tom Rinaldi
Blanche: What you are talking about is brutal sappiness—Sappiness!—the name of that tear-jerking streetcar that bangs through the third hour of College GameDay, up one old narrow street and down another, accompanied always by soft piano music. [ESPN]...
Deadspin Gives Back
It was through tipster Len G.'s "newest favorite billboard in New Orleans" that we met da Gonorrhea BREAKER, da Crabs ASSASSIN, da Chlamydia CRUSHER, da HIV Awareness ENFORCER, Lady STD KILLA, da Condom FATHER, da Trich TERMINATOR, da Syphilis ELIMINATOR, da Herpes HIT WOMAN and da HPV SLAPPER....
Lakers Player Arrested For Allegedly Assaulting Pregnant IHOP Waitress (Pregnancy Update)
But don't worry, it's not a Laker that you've heard of, or matters....
Post Super Bowl Crime Blotter Surprisingly Tame
New Orleans mostly behaved itself Sunday evening. Just a stabbing, a sole incidence of celebratory gunfire into a crowd, and a single escaped prisoner that they didn't bother to track down until after the game....