nf Page 1069 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Come To Steve Smith's Football Camp For Kids — Where You Can Learn To Injure A Star
The Panthers WR broke his arm while horsing around at his football camp. No, it wasn't on this high-five, but it was almost as embarrassing....
Last Night's Winner: The Phillies Fan Who Fell Down The Stairs
In sports everyone's a winner, some just win better than others. Like the poor guy in the blue shirt who ungracefully bought it during the 5th-inning of yesterday's Phillies-Twins game. He gets four gold stars, a blue ribbon and a platinum trophy....
Steve McNair Not Allowed To Rest In Peace
One Nashville man is working tirelessly to reopen the investigation into Steve McNair's death. Or at least, to sell his own amateurish self-published conspiracy theory book....
Spurned Belichick Superfan Blows A Gasket
Laura London was a big Patriots fan. Specifically, a Bill Belichick fan. She started a website devoted to him, and ran it faithfully for years. Then she tried to sell it to the team for $1 million. That's when things got interesting....
Canceled Training Camps Are Early Warnings Of NFL Labor Strife
Jacksonville and Detroit became the third and fourth teams to cancel OTAs after players complained about the workouts. Have today's players turned into delicate little doilies, or is it the hand of the union at work in advance of contentious CBA negotiations?...
Philly Police Confiscate Gun From Marvin Harrison
Marvin Harrison is apparently still under the watchful eye of the Philadelphia PD as a traffic stop just three blocks from his garage turns up another 9-mm handgun that they will add to the investigation of the Dwight Dixon shooting....
Albert Haynesworth Continues To Out-Haynesworth Himself
It seems that the NFL's most well-paid defensive lineman finds playing defensive lineman to be an unreasonable job requirement and wants to be traded—even though his stupidly gargantuan contract makes that impossible....
Entire Canadian Football Team Suspended For Steroids
Nine University of Waterloo football players are suspected of possible steroid use, so the team's entire season has been canceled. (There may have been a smidgen of drug trafficking, too.) That's Canada, for you. Always so....reasonable. [OttawaCitizen]...
Touchdown Jesus Statue Destroyed By Act Of God (UPDATE WITH VIDEO)
Via the Cincinnati Enquirer: "Lightning struck and ignited a fire late Monday that destroyed a 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ with his arms stretched toward the skies." He'll be back, I'm sure. UPDATE: Watch Him burn! Video below....
Tonya Harding Sex Fantasy Page Still Surprisingly Active
Here's an unwelcome departure from refuckingallignment and World Cup news: Tonya Harding, disgraced former figure skater, still has fans. Horny fans, actually, who not-so-eloquently fantasize about "karate fucking" her and other disturbing coital activities....
The Tao Of Road Beef: Anonymous NFLer Teaches Us The Lessons Of Keeping Side Tail Happy
"I'm not saying you take them to a steak dinner on a Saturday night, but little gifts here and there show appreciation. Think watches and dresses, maybe some cash." What, no Subway sandwich? [Daily News]...
Golden Tate's Dramatic 911 Donut Call: "They're Drunk And Being Retarded"
Listen in as an exasperated donut maker asks police to save her from two buffoons who stole her donuts and her keys. Also: an NFL wideout with "average" build who is "maybe 5'9"? Maybe he needs more than donuts....
Golden Tate Breaks Into Donut Shop Due To Maple Bar Addiction
Police were called to Top Pot Doughnuts in Bellevue, Washington, at 3:00 a.m. on Saturday after two men were found entering the store after hours. Turns out new Seahawk Golden Tate just had a case of the munchies....
Aaron Rodgers Enjoys Low-Hanging Fruit, Blasts Tony Kornheiser
Not only did the Packers QB call TK terrible, unfunny, and clueless, but he did it on ESPN Radio. This is not what the WWL had in mind when they consolidated their media empire....
Charges Unlikely In Packers Sexual Assault Allegations
Police investigating the Packers sexual assault case will turn their findings over to the DA tomorrow, but the AP is reporting that they will not recommend charges for anyone. It's still a good idea to avoid Wisconsin Dells strip clubs....
Police Investigate Possible Sexual Assault At Green Bay Packers Party (UPDATE)
Seven Green Bay Packers were found at a rented condo where two women told police they were assaulted on Saturday morning. Six of the players were cleared, but one unnamed player is still under investigation....
Would You Like To Read Rich Eisen's Flirty Emails?
If anyone still remembers the "Sexy Newslady Sends Bikini Photos To Rich Eisen" saga, some emails between Eisen and Alycia Lane have been revealed in court. They're pretty tame, but remember, he was married and old people are boring. [NYDailyNews]...
Clay Matthews Not A Fan Of "Clay Mathews"
Clay with two Ts gets disrespected by the sign makers at his own charity golf tournament. Thankfully, water slides solve everything. [Twitter]...
Reggie Wayne Missed OTAs Because His Ex Stole His Credit Card
Wayne's ex-girlfriend allegedly charged $95,000 on his account, and could face fraud charges. Not sure how this excuses him from workouts, but it's a better excuse than "I don't want to." [USA Today]...
Thanks To Lamar Odom, Khloe Kardashian Will Get Beer Thrown On Her If She Goes To Boston
"They gave it to my kids last time in Boston...[I] don't know how my wife is going to be able to sit in the crowd," Odom said, later adding that security might be needed."[OC Register via SBB]...