no Page 4917 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Attention Nationals Fans: You Don't Deserve Stephen Strasburg (Disappointed Newlywed Update)
I don't mean that in some kind of larger, cosmic sense. I just mean that if you came out to the ballpark Tuesday, expecting to see Strasburg pitch, the team doesn't owe you anything after scratching him from his start....

The LeBron Jersey Guy From The Indians Game Speaks!
Matt Bellamy, who riled up an entire city, says he'd move to Florida too if he could find a way. But the siren song of Sandusky is too strong! [Cleveland Frowns]...

Lucky Underwear Will Save Us All
Science has finally proven that Jason Giambi's slump-busting thong is not weird, but a legitimate form of slump-busting. Thank you, science, for making us all picture Jason Giambi in a thong again. [Well]...

ESPN Killed That LeBron Story Because Reporter "Did Not Properly Identify Himself" (UPDATES)
ESPN now says in a statement that Arash Markazi's LeBacchanalia story was pulled because "Arash did not ... clearly state his intentions to write a story." Full statements are below, as is Rob King's explanation for how the story was mistakenly published....

Can Black Men Be Douchebags? Oh, Yes
I ate corn on the cob the other night. I had to shuck it before I could wrap it with butter in foil and throw it in the grill. I can't for the life of me shuck an ear of corn and get ALL the corn strings off. It's fucking impossible. If anyone has tips to rid the world of corn strings, I'm all ears....

Young Man United Lad Scores A Really Lovely Goal
Tom Cleverley: remember the name. He scored a goal in the match against the MLS All Stars, which would be described in America as "awesome", or "win!", or "neat", or "rad"....

ESPN Anchor Commits Gaffe. Oh, And He Calls Citi Field "Shitty Field," Too.
Following a look-in to whatever it is that A-Rod was doing, Anish Shroff flubbed sending it back to the announcers at the Mets game, saying, "Let's get you back out to Shitty Field as the Mets threaten [sic] the 8th." How embarrassing!...

Another Stupid Piece Of News About Stupid Brett Favre That's Just So Stupid
I hate writing this stuff, but the numbers show that you people care. So help stop the cycle, and don't click on this post....

Ultimate Frisbee Highlights Are The New AND1 Mix-Tapes
Counterpoint! This video shows Beaufort Kittredge—the ultimate in Ultimate Bros—"skying" an opponent during his days playing handler for the Colorado Mamabird. I now understand why people go to college in Boulder and like Medeski Martin and Wood....

Checking Back In With Rick Pitino's Sperm
"Defense attorney asks how could she have become pregnant then if he did not ejaculate. Pitino testifies, 'I did, down my leg.'...

Sen. Jim Bunning, R-Pluto, Thinks Stephen Strasburg Is A Wuss
Bunning, onetime pitcher and current obstreperous shitbag, waggled his cane yesterday at young Strasburg: "Five-hundred twenty starts, I never refused the ball. What a joke!" Then he clutched his shoulder and cried, "My arm!" That was either sarcasm or thrombosis. [Politico, via]...

Scenes From LeBron's Too-Hot-For-ESPN Weekend In Vegas
A reader sends along these photos from the LeBacchanalia in Vegas. No naked ladies, but there is a man floating away to some casual Friday in the sky, and everyone seems to teeter precariously on the verge of fist-bumping everyone else....

Last Night's Winner: The Jews
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the People of the Book, who, in addition to controlling the media, now control the paint at MSG thanks to Amar'e Stoudemire's newfound faith....

This Is Outstanding, Again
DJ Steve Porter is back with "Press Hop 2," mashing up the greatest press conference moments, dropping a beat, and throwing in a little autotune for good measure. Never change, egotistical sports figures....

Sir, You Cannot Wear That LeBron Jersey In Cleveland Unless You Go Through The Proper Editorial Process
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

When Mutton Bustin' Goes Horribly Wrong
Derekscott "Bubba" Kirby is like all small children in the Southwest: he's a mutton buster. However, unlike most mutton busters, little Derekscott is infected with E. coli....

Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Some MMA Guy
Welcome back to Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater, the occasional feature in which athlete highlights are synced to somewhat inappropriate music. Today, a twist: "highlights" of MMA fighter and loudmouth Chael Sonnen tapping out, set to the propulsive "Hate Me Now" by Nas....

Rick Pitino Lasted 15 Seconds, And Other Things Of Note
Pitino took the stand today in the case of the woman accused of extorting him, and hot-damn, this case just keeps on giving....

Here Are Your Pope-In-A-Baseball-Cap Photoshops
We're cutting the gallery off now, because we don't need to spend all night looking at Benedict XVI's face in our inbox. But feel free to post your creations in the comments. And congrats to all of you; you win respect....

Why ESPN's Statement On The LeBron Story Is Probably Bullshit
If you don't buy ESPN's line that Arash Markazi's spiked LeBron-in-Vegas story "was inadvertently put on the server" and didn't go through "the usual editorial process," here's yet another reason not to: The story pretty much went through the usual editorial process....