no Page 5648 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Celtics Use Rhythm Method, Belichick Craftiness To Beat Pistons
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's still wondering why the Celtics were all up in LeBron's junk last series. When he's not focusing on the sordid past, he can be found mocking the laughable present at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
About Last Night
What you missed after being arrested for having Wii in your pants ... • NBA: Celtics stubbornly refuse to give up plan to win all home games, lose all on the road. Boston 88, Detroit 79. • NFL: No salary cap in 2010? What could possibly go wrong? • MLB: Now that Lacckkkkey's, back in toowwwwnnn ... ...
Virtual Binge-Drinking To Become Latest Gaming Trend
Do you still long for the competitive nature of drinking games, but no longer enjoy slamming plastic cups full of warm, shitty beer or have been forced to remove your ping pong table from the dining room by your shrewish wife? Well, the gaming universe has finally answered your prayers: Beer Pong fo...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you drop off the kids at the bar ... • MLB: Chicago Cubs at Houston (8 p.m., ET). Don't be afraid to show your Cubness. [WGN] • NBA: Draft lottery, at Secaucus, N.J. (8 p.m., ET); Eastern Conference finals, Game 1, Detroit at Boston (8:30 p.m., ET). Your fate, decided by ping pon...
Roger Clemens Probably Won't Be Downloading This Song
Anti-depressant poster girl and Roger Clemens Lolita Mindy McCready is showing she's still willing to steamroll ahead with her country singin' comeback regardless of the big white Rocket-shaped elephant that sits in her living room. McCready posted this YouTube message in an effort to let her remain...
NBA Playoffs: A Tuesday Night Viewer's Guide
And on the second day, Basketbawful gave them a preview of Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals between the Detroit Pistons and the Boston Celtics. And it was good....
Breaking: Russia Years Ahead Of Us In Remote Control Flying Penis Technology
Garry Kasparov’s love-hate relationship with technology continued on Saturday, as the former World Chess Champion was buzzed by a remote controlled flying penis during a political speech in Moscow. As reported by Gizmodo yesterday, Kasparov seemed bemused by the brief encounter, which ended when an ...
Tonight, Ping Pong Balls Galore
It's the NBA Draft Lottery tonight, otherwise known as "we can't believe the Knicks didn't trade away their first round pick." If you get your jollies from doing mockups of ping pong balls bouncing around, Chad Ford, as always, has your back....
Could This Be The End For Our Pedro?
First off, all of you Mets fans who are saying "Pedro who?", just stop it. Pedro Martinez, who is on the verge of returning to New York's starting rotation, says that this season might well be his last. And you don't know it now, but you'll miss him when he's gone. Yes, you will....
The End Of The I'm Not Gay-Era Is Official
Mike Piazza, arguably the best hitting catcher of all time, has finally concluded that his services as a very expensive designated hitter have passed him by. He's officially retired from baseball and released this statement via his agent: "After discussing my options with my wife, family and agent, ...
Shocking New Developments In The Yankee Stadium Jinx Story
Viewers of MSNBC's Countdown are aware of host Keith Olbermann's scoop last night that a second Red Sox item is apparently buried somewhere beneath the concrete at the new Yankee Stadium. The same construction worker who buried a David Ortiz jersey in cement at the new stadium (which was dug up on A...
Pro Athletes' Coffee-Fetching Aspirations
There's apparently a new trend surfacing in the privileged life of professional athletes: the crappy off-season, low-paying internship. Sure, plenty of athletes over the years have prepared themselves for a life after sports by exploring other opportunities. Many have not....
Yeah, Peyton Doesn't Believe Favre Either
Count Peyton Manning among those who don't buy this whole Brett Favre Is Retiring balderdash. Manning is onto Mr. Favre and his oh, I'm done with the game claptrap....
Use Your Urine To Kill Space Aliens
If you're like us, the art of urinating in a public restroom has become a rote, empty, stale ritual. We mean, come on: You just stand there. Where's the sport in that? Alas, we must now thank the fine people of Belgium for turning the act of urination into the competitive event we've all been beggin...
There Goes My Hero: Golden Richards Won't Wake Up
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th) awful...
Champions League Final Just 24 Hours Away
• Previewing tomorrow's Champions League final. [That's On Point] • Ira Newble, hanging out with Mia Farrow in Darfur. [Signal To Noise] • Fun with soccer pee. [Unprofessional Foul] • Hating teams that are not the Buffalo Bills. [Te Dukes Of Awesome] • Honestly, who cares about Carlos Delgado's stup...
The Lions Continue To Be A Feel-Good Story In Detroit
Let's see ... how could Matt Millen and the Detroit Lions possibly alienate fans any more than they already have. Hmm. Well, jeez, you know, we just can't think of anything; we can't imagine a conceivable way they could devastate that fan base more completely. Wait, here's one: They could tell their...
Media Approval Ratings: Tim McCarver
We're not sure we're going to still be doing these Media Approval Things in October, which is why we have to do Tim McCarver now. Because fans' opinions of McCarver are never more polarized than in October....
Free Darko On Boston-Detroit
We're looking at every NBA Playoff series through the eyes of both Free Darko. Here's Free Darko's look at the Boston Celtics-Detroit Pistons series. Your author is Bethlehem Shoals....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......