not Page 54 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night ...
What you missed while waiting in line to buy a phone ... • MLB: Walk this way ... Orioles beat Yankees in the least exciting way possible. • Tennis: Venus Williams upset in first round of ... no wait, she won. That was close. • Soccer: We warned you ... you underestimate Peru at your own peril....
Cow Tipping In Madison Is Absolutely Unacceptable
Sometimes, considering our own background, we have a hard time understanding some of these newfangled athlete malfeasances. This "Making It Rain" ... that didn't come up much in Mattoon (though the crops sure could have used it!)...
Another Reason To Have Him On Your Fantasy Team
The man here is Patriots running back Lawrence Maroney, and Kissing Suzy Kolber has discovered that his Facebook page is not to be underestimated....
And Suddenly That Giant Hog Story Looks So Unimpressive
We like bears. As Robert Klein once said, they are the most helpful of all the animals. "If you have to be stuck in an elevator, it might as well be with a bear. 'Can you reach up there, bear?' 'Well, I think I can try ...' " But when a bear is attacking your six-year-old son, there's only one thing...
About Last Night
What you missed while mowing the front lawn with scissors ... • College baseball: No ants for you! Oregon State 7, UC Irvine 1. • MLB: Sammy Sosa hits No. 600, pending results of your analysis. • MLS: Just a glorified Crew ... Columbus over Kansas City 2-1, like we had to tell you....
Ryan Leaf About To Be Immortalized On Digital Film
Six months ago, Football Outsiders told the tale of "Leaf: An Almost True Story," a mock-documentary about Ryan Leaf. Apparently, the movie has progressed a bit since then: It looks like it's going to be "released" in October....
We Like The Way He Talks And He Likes The Way We Talk, Mmm Hmm
With the news yesterday that running back Quincy Wilson has become the 10th Cincinnati Bengal to be arrested in the past 14 months, we now need the measured, no-nonsense sports commentary of Kige Ramsey more than ever. If you're unfamiliar, just think of him as the Jason Whitlock of Youtube ... if, ...
About Last Night
What you missed while shooting a brisk 110 holes of golf ... • NBA: The San Antonio Spurs' fourth world title in nine seasons, as told to Fyodor Dostoyevsky. • MLB: The tempest that is the Chicago Cubs. • Tennis: After further review, Roddick advances in London....
How Mark McGwire Will Get You On Jury Duty
Part of our job is to bring you the best links we can from around the Web, highlighting all the talented people doing amazing things simply because they love it. But the site we think might be the best, and the one we read more religiously than any other, is Viva El Birdos. We don't link it that oft...
Elijah Dukes Continues To Bat 1.000
If you're a social worker who is considering a foster care applicaton, how could you not approve the couple who is related to Elijah Dukes? A 17-year-old girl who is in foster care with a relative of Dukes told the Tampa police that Dukes got her pregnant. The article goes on to say that Dukes will ...
Saying Goodbye To Our Favorite Hour Of Every Week
We've written in the past about sports being one of the few uniting conversation topics left on the planet, but for the past few months, for us, it has been the last days of "The Sopranos." It's pretty much the first question we ask of everyone we talk to: You been watching Sopranos? It has been our...
Sebastien Gacond Is Gay (As Long As You Make It Clear It's The "Happy" Kind Of Gay)
This is Sebastien Gacond. He is a professional triathlete, which is impressive; it must be difficult to be an athlete with three major appendages. He is also not gay. Not gay at all. Nothing gay about Sebastien Gacond. He is all man. It is extremely important that you understand this....
Hey, Everybody, Pasty Fellas!
As surely anyone with a commenting account — and we remind anyone who wants one to email the Deadtern and state your case — knows by now, the ladies over at Ladies ... have posted their Hot Blogger Bracket. The whole experiment is a perfect case study in blog physics: Hold a contest that only blogge...
Kevin Durant Is Low On The Upper Body Strength
Among those who care more about silly workout statistics and the notion of watching young men in their underwear run, jump and lift things than simply watching how preternaturally blessed athletes dominate their sports, there was considerable concern this week about Kevin Durant's relatively weak sh...
It's Probably Not Smart For This Guy To Show His Face In Esbjerg Anytime Soon
Over the weekend, a fan of Denmark's soccer team sprinted on the field and attacked a referee after a call went again the Danes. That's bad enough, but the real problem was that Denmark had rallied back from a three-goal deficit to the tie the game ... and after the attack, the referee abandoned the...
You Say 'Monster Pig,' I Say 'Fred'
I could be wrong about this, but I think hunters would be less likely to thoughtlessly pump bullets into animals if they knew they had names. For instance, that giant pig that the 11-year-old killed? Would it have been so easy to pull the trigger (9 times) if the enormous animal had been wearing a n...
The Otters Are No Longer Satisfied With Their Jug Band Christmas
Beware, everyone: The otters have finally had enough of centuries of human dominance and have banded together to destroy us. It was only a matter of time. We welcome our new otter overlords....
It Tastes Like The Back Of A LA School Bus
Ever wonder what it would be like to see Manny Ramirez savor the aroma of fine wine? (Manny, that's not grape juice ... Manny ... Manny ....) Get yourself to Yawkey Way tomorrow to see three Red Sox show off their new wines. It will be nice to see Schilling use a spit cup for something other than ch...
How To Detract Attention From Your Attractive Teenage Daughter
Problem: Nasty bloggers are spreading your 18-year-old pole vaulting daughter's picture across the Internets. (They can send all the letters to Ufford they want, but you can still find the picture here and here and about a million other places.) Solution: Scream your lungs out about it on the front ...
About Last Night
What you missed while enjoying the new side of Darth Vader... • NBA: Spurs lead Jazz 91-79 after three quarters in their ... wait, what? That's a final? • NHL: Year of the Duck ... Anaheim takes 1-0 lead over Senators. • MLB: Milestone for the Braves! No, Cox wasn't ejected; it was Jones' 350th home...