ns Page 1637 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Stouts Are The Best Beers
I love stouts. It could be 120 degrees in the dead of summer, and I'll still opt for one every time. Ice-cold water or a refreshing iced tea? Hell, no. Light, tasty pilsner? Thanks, but I'll pass. A black-as-used-motor-oil-and-just-as-thick Russian Imperial? Ah, yes, that'll hit the spot....

Let's All Be More Like This Large Fellow Who Slapped Joakim Noah's Ass
You might be tempted to call E'Twaun Moore's game-winning three the highlight of last night's contest between the Thunder and Bulls, but I submit that the night's truly transcendent moment occurred on the ensuing possession, when a portly Bulls fan lost all notion of etiquette and got himself a big ...

Aldon Smith Has Given Up Nearly All Of His Guaranteed Money
San Francisco 49ers linebacker Aldon Smith has agreed to restructure his contract with the team so that most of the $9.75 million he was set to earn this season will no longer be guaranteed....

The Tears Of A Clown
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Wisconsin Freshmen Practice Not Dying While Diving For Loose Balls
Wisconsin is playing at Minnesota right now, which provides a unique challenge: the raised floors of Williams Arena. The Golden Gophers gym is one of the last few in America that features a raised floor—of about two feet—and the Badger freshmen have likely never played on one. So yesterday feature...

New Fake Indian Joins Old Fake Indian In NY High School's R-Word Fight
The "Redskins" name controversy has played out all over America for years now, in precincts high and low. It's now turned up, though, in the last place you'd expect—Lancaster, N.Y. Some of the same spurious Indians defending the NFL team's name jumped in the small-town fray this week....

Former NHL Coach Goes Nuts On Counterpart During Game
Marc Crawford spent 15 years coaching in the NHL, but now he finds himself manning the bench for the ZSC Lions of the National League A in Switzerland. During a recent playoff game against EHC Biel, he decided to go full Angry Canadian on opposing coach Kevin Schläpfer....

2 Chainz Is A Good Instagram Dad
So 2 Chainz is a rapper who changed his name from Tity Boi to be more family-friendly. Which is funny, and also not all that weird, when you think about both how much he wants to sell records and how much he loves his two daughters, Heaven and Harmony. If Instagram counted in real life, the Atlanta ...

Brian Cashman Says The Yankees Should Retire The Very Idea Of Captaincy
On the radio today, Yankees GM Brian Cashman declared that if it were up to him, the Yankees would never name another captain after Derek Jeter, who was "so perfect" in the role but retired or died or something....

Giants TE Larry Donnell Was On Plane That Skidded Off Runway
A Delta flight from Atlanta to New York skidded off the end of the runway at snowy LaGuardia airport this morning, coming to rest on a berm specifically put there to keep planes from splashing into Flushing Bay. A reported 130 people were board the MD-80, including Giants tight end Larry Donnell, ...

Screencap Classix: This Actually Happened In The Middle Of A Game
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Turner Can Probably Stop Running This March Madness Promo
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Steph Curry Launches A Three, Doesn't Even Watch It Go In
Hey, Steph Curry, how is your confidence level these days?...

MLS And Players Union Reach Agreement. What Does It Mean, And Who Won?
Twenty-four hours after it looked like a work stoppage was inevitable—and 48 hours before the beginning of the season—Major League Soccer and the Major League Soccer Players Union announced that they had reached a tentative deal on a new collective bargaining agreement. Here are the highlights o...

TSN Will No Longer Air Tweets On Live Broadcasts
TSN sure screwed up when they broadcast a joke tweet saying that Joffrey Lupul was sleeping with Maple Leaf teammate Dion Phaneuf's wife, Elisha Cuthbert, but they've come up with a foolproof plan to prevent this type of situation from ever occurring again: they're going to stop airing "public" tw...

J.J. Watt Is A Goddamn Lying Clownfraud
"It's really minimalistic," he said. "There's no frills ... It's just an empty space and a log cabin and snow." You pictured a hovel on the taiga. A lean-to. Wind whistling between the rough-hewn and bark-clad logs. J.J. Watt waking, abundantly and ruggedly bearded, staggering outside in the pre...

How To Get Your Ass Back In Shape, And Keep It There
Now that the New Year's Resolutions crowd has cleared out of the gym, it's time to get down to business. The goal is not to become CrossFit truthers or pot-smoking ultramarathoners, but to simply avoid racking up massive medical bills due to poor health as we continue our slow, inevitable march to...

Joffrey Lupul Is Now Threatening To Fight People On Instagram
Leafs winger Joffrey Lupul seems to be taking this "threaten to sue anyone who has ever implied that he slept with Dion Phaneuf's wife" strategy very seriously. After obtaining legal representation with Phaneuf and Phaneuf's wife, actress Elisha Cuthbert, and threatening to sue TSN for accidentally ...

Billboard Bad
As defensive lineman Ndamukong Suh gets ready for free agency, billboards are now popping up, hounding him for ... liking money? I'm not sure exactly what's going on, here. Maybe it's one of those statements where your takeaway is what you want it to be. Is it Banksy?...

Reports: LeSean McCoy "Not Happy" About Going To Buffalo
A truly shocking, star-for-star trade happens so rarely in the NFL. (Today is the 11th anniversary of Champ Bailey heading west for Clinton Portis!) The Bills swapping talented young LB Kiko Alonso for Eagles star RB LeSean McCoy absolutely qualifies. But as we're learning today, it wasn't so clean ...