ns Page 2067 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dear Abby: Cleveland Sports Have Created An 8-Year-Old Psychopath
Yesterday's "Dear Abby" column featured "Good dad in Cleveland," who's seeking advice on what to do with his eight-year-old son, understandably driven to animal abuse by the frustrations of being a Cleveland sports fan. Little Junior loves sports, you see, but "he has trouble accepting a loss. He'll...
They Tear Down Goalposts In Soccer, Too
Zenit St. Petersburg supporters went nuts after their team beat rivals Dynamo Moscow 2-1 Saturday to clinch a repeat Russian Premiership title, a victory gained despite being down a man for most of the second half. The thrill of victory led to the agony of jail for a handful of fans whose revelry g...
Joe Cowley: The Best Sexist Around, Nothing's Gonna Ever Keep Him Down
So, Joe Cowley. Hilarious satirist, or serial sexist? We'll try to address that soon, but first, let's discuss why you are watching the final tournament fight scene from The Karate Kid scored to Joe Esposito's "You're The Best Around." It seems Cowley had a signature sign off for those he was thro...
Hello, Friends! A Young Jim Nantz In A Hot Tub With John Stockton And The Utah Jazz
According to the information provided by the YouTube uploader, this interview occurred prior to Utah's decisive Game 5 win over the Houston Rockets in the 1985 NBA Playoffs. It's times like this when it's fun to reflect back to quiet dignity with which Nantz read promo after promo for Lizard Towin...
<i>Chicago Sun-Times</i> Columnist Joe Cowley Rides A Plane, Degrades Women Everywhere
Ever since Jay Marrioti fell off the face of the planet, the Chicago Sun-Times has been a little light in the abusive-toward-females department. This morning, Joe Cowley (pictured, far right) bravely stepped in to assume the role, in an albeit verbal, yet no less demeaning manner when he took on on...
Alleged Red Sox Fan Gets Her Face Kicked At Yankee Stadium
Please, sports viewing world, do not judge all Yankee fans by these hooligans with their bootleg name-on-the-back-jerseys, they were just defending themselves from this aggressive alleged Red Sox fan who lost her way. The Yankees may have been listless against the Tigers this afternoon, but these ...
Here's Gus Johnson Calling The San Jose Earthquakes' Exciting Last-Second Win
We heard last week from our friends at Awful Announcing that excitable announcer Gus Johnson had picked up the strange gig of calling MLS games on radio for the San Jose Earthquakes. We tuned in tonight, and were not disappointed. While our emeritus editor Will Leitch has concluded that Johnson's...
LeBron James Has Ushered In The NBA Playoffs Flop Era
While debate continues to rage in regard to whether Tyson Chandler's screen on LeBron James today really accounted for a flagrant foul, there's no doubt that LeBron augmented the impact with his own brand of thespianism. The incident set Jeff Van Gundy off on another rant about flopping, and is a ...
Witness The Last Gasp Of Local News Reporting As It Repeatedly Hits On St. Louis Cardinal David Freese
Here is World Series MVP David Freese being subjected to quite possibly the most uncomfortably awkward fluff piece ever. Six Flags has a Mr. Freeze roller coaster and Show Me St. Louis' Julie Tristan decided it would be the perfect excuse to continually hit on the young Cardinal. She even brought i...
May The Dongs Be With You: The Week In Unintentional Dong Submissions
Lets jump right into the dongs. Today we begin with Luke Skywalker and his scruffy looking nerfherder dangling between his legs thanks to reader Jeff. As always, be sure to support our dong endeavors and send in any would-be penises to the tips department. ...
Tim McCarver Blames Global Warming For The Increase In Major League Home Runs
We'd normally save this sort of thing for McCarve'd Up (which will be back next week after being pre-empted for NFL draft coverage) but Tim McCarver said one of the stupidest things ever spoken on a television broadcast today, blaming global warming for "making the air thin" and thus leading to a...
Reports: Matt Leinart To Sign With Oakland Raiders
Look out Bay Area, here comes the party (and lifetime 57.6 completion percentage). Friend of the program, Matt Leinart is ready to move on from his backup role in Houston to a new backup role with the Oakland Raiders. According to Adam Schefter, Leinart will sign with the Raiders and immediately be...
Rich Eisen Went Berserk When The Jaguars Drafted A Punter
The Jacksonville Jaguars stupidly picked punter Bryan Anger in the third round last night, a pick that shocked experts and Jags fans alike....
Joe Posnanski's Book On Joe Paterno Will Be Finished Before The Sandusky Trial
Joe Posnanski didn't go to Happy Valley to write about the unhappy end of Joe Pateno's life and career. He intended it as an eternal Father's Day gift, a sappy and sentimental picture of the aging lion in repose. It was originally scheduled to be released in time for Father's Day, and Posnanski said...
The Most Unwanted Tickets Of The NBA Season Were In New Orleans
Now that the NBA's regular season is over, it's time to wrap-up our analysis of NBA tickets that had the least demand. Once again, we turned to Will Flaherty, the director of communications for SeatGeek, the online ticket search engine that compiles data from hundreds of resellers. This time, Flahe...
Miami Heat Fan Refuses To High-Five Phoenix Suns Gorilla, Punches Him In The Face Instead
These are proving to be dangerous times for NBA mascots. Two weeks ago, Moondog of the Cleveland Cavaliers briefly went to the hospital after getting clocked in the eye by the Pacers' David West. And this week, the Phoenix Suns Gorilla found himself on the receiving end of some unwanted physical vio...
Was This Former Saints Electrician The Source For ESPN's Wiretapping Story?
FOX8 in New Orleans claims to have identified ESPN's source for the Mickey Loomis wiretapping story, and if they're right, it wasn't anyone intimately connected with football operations. Instead, FOX8 (a station owned by Saints owner Tom Benson) claims it was Tim Landry, a sound and electrical worke...
And Here's The Long-Awaited Unveiling Of Robert Griffin III's Socks
"Go catch your dreams," says RG3, though to his receivers "your dreams" means "my passes."(Click "Expand" for a closer look.)...
Texas Couple Finds Foul Ball-Snatching Charges "Hurtful," Demands Apology From Michael Kay
When Sean Leonard and his fiancée, Shannon Moore, attended their first Texas Rangers game last night, they had no idea they would soon create national news for denying to give a foul ball to—and then taunting—a crying boy sitting next to them. Since them, they've been deemed the "worst people ev...
ESPN Party Was Awesome, ESPN Editor Reports
ESPN editor and senior Jonas Brothers correspondent Lynn Hoppes took out his big boy crayons and wrote up this great report from the ESPN The Magazine Pre-Draft Party. My favorite line? It's a tossup between ......