ns Page 2252 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Shaun Smith Can't Stop Grabbing Guys' Packages
A week after the Chiefs DE was accused of, erm, manhandling Cleveland's (The Secret World Of) Alex Mack, San Fran's Anthony Davis comes forward to show on the doll where Smith touched him. "He tried to feel me. That's weird, right?" Right....

HS Football Coach Moons The Crowd
Saturday's game in Queens between Campus Magnet and Boys and Girls High School got mercy-ruled with 3:49 left in the fourth. Not because of the score, which was only 16-6. Because of assplay....

Jeff Garcia and Maurice Clarett Make America A Sadder Place
Until its inevitable death next month, the United Football League will serve as an outlet for almost-rans to continue playing despite not getting tapped into the NFL steel-cage match. That's a good thing. I guess....

Bud Selig Says He's Willing to Talk About Expanded Baseball Playoffs
It's not like letting more teams into the MLB playoffs is a brand-new idea, but the issue resurfaced before the Cardinals/Cubs game yesterday. Here's what Commissioner Bud Selig said about it:...

N.Y. Daily News Still Pissed At Flyers Fans Who Booed Grizzly Mom
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Will Someone Please Help Jose Canseco Get His Decorative Light Fixtures Back?
There is so much compressed sadness in this one tweet that I think we can now upgrade Jose Canseco from professional sad sack to existential hero. I mean, at this point would you be at all surprised if his next tweet were, "woke up from uneazy dreams now ima bug ,help"?...

The One Where A Lady Sends Us Pictures Of Her Boobs In The Hope Of Getting A Job (NSFW)
Welcome back to Deleted Scenes. If you're new, read this to figure out what we do here. If not, well, let's get down to business. (NSFW)...

John Salley Story Corner: Contributing To The Delinquency Of Jalen Rose And Chris Webber
Every week, John Salley, onetime Bad Boy and currently the arachnoid half of the Spider and the Henchman podcast, will regale us with an amusing and occasionally salacious story from his playing days. Today: buying beer for two-fifths of the Fab Five and telling God to fuck off....

Hockey To Get The <i>Hard Knocks</i> Treatment Too
HBO will film the Capitals and Penguins this December for a four-episode Hard Knocks-esque miniseries. Will there be Ryanian pottymouthage? "You might hear some salty language with a little Canadian or Russian flair," said a network exec. моргала выколю, падла!...

Dexter McCluster: Not Gangsta
Hmm. Well. Hmm. This is something. I think this public service announcement will only result in reminding me to drop McCluster from my fantasy team. [Pitch Weekly]...

Brilliant Details From The Fabled Terrell Owens, Hugh Douglas Fistfight
Former Philadelphia Eagles special-teamer Jason Short spoke to NBC's Out Of Bounds about things he remembers from his playing days like concussions, wedge-busting, Iggles fans, concussions, Sean Morey's concussions, and concussions. But one section about T.O. is pretty hilarious....

Let's Not Start Sucking Each Other's Vicks Quite Yet
You might be aware, our esteemed editor is an Eagles fan. You might be aware, he thinks Michael Vick is the best football player in the universe ever. Hold on there, bucko....

Fireman Ed Charged With Assault For Preseason Shoving Match
Remember when the Jets superfan took on an intoxicated Giants fan? Apparently, putting drunks in their place is a crime. Ed's been charged with simple assault. It's a baseless charge, but Ed's still a dickhole. [Star-Ledger]...

Ines Sainz Rips Women's Media Group A New One
Sainz basically told the Association for Women in Sports Media to go fuck off, she doesn't want their help. She also had harsh words for the journos and columnists covering the story. Please don't hate us, Ines....

Hockey Goons Are Born, Not Made
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Here's A Video Of Tony Kornheiser Teaching Bill Simmons How To Wear A Tie
The Sports Fella's hosting PTI for the rest of the week, so it looks like we'll be watching PTI this week. There you go, indeed, Tony. H/T Trey Kerby....

God Gave Mark Dantonio A Heart Attack For Beating Notre Dame, Says Soon-To-Be-Suspended Radio Guy
We said it's time to let the MSU/ND game go. Matt Patrick, of a South Bend talk radio station, should probably have read us before he insinuated that God struck Dantonio down for cheating against the Catholics....

Last Night's Winner: Matt Diaz, Corner Outfield Vigilante
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like visiting players at Citizens Bank Park, who, since the Taser incident, are apparently the last line of defense against fans on the field....

Won't Someone Think Of The Gay-Panicky Columnist's Children?
For a master class in how to write a breathtakingly stupid sports column from the Cokie Roberts school of "How will we tell the children about blowjobs?" argumentum ad moppet, please read FanHouse's David Whitley, hemming and hawing about gays on the Kiss Cam....