ns Page 2569 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We Don't Know If There's Anything Wrong With Us Because We Don't Know How Other People Are
We didn't ask for a shrink; that must've been somebody else. Also, that pudding isn't ours. Also, we're wearing this suit today because we had a very important meeting this morning and we don't have a crying problem....
They Got To Gammons Too
It was one thing when Mel Kiper had to deal with the indignity of having his daggum top 10 messed up. It was another when Stephen A. Smith smugly pointed out to Tim Legler that all those papers were holding him back. It was another when Trey Wingo invaded our home through direct mail....
They're Baaaack ... What They're Saying About Clemens and Pujols
It was the day we've all been waiting for; sitting on the edge of our bed in our Cardinals pajamas (your pajamas may vary). The glorious return of Albert Pujols and Roger Clemens. And even though both got upstaged (by Anthony Reyes and Francisco Liriano, respectively) and their teams lost on Thurs...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 11 a.m. MLB with Jerry Crasnick: Turns out Victor Conte was behind the release of the movie Gigli as well. That heartless bastard. • Noon NFL with Keith Kidd: With college games freely available on TV, aren't NFL scouts kind of, um, wo...
The Closer: How Not To Intentionally Walk Someone
Notes from a day in baseball ......
Non-Retired Guy Comes Out Of Non-Retirement To Non-Retire
Our long national nightmare is over: Roger Clemens is back. How did we ever make it so long without him? His "return," obviously, would have a little more resonance if he had, you know, ever left, but whatever. He's back. Playing the Twins. We hope Bat Girl comes up with a Lego version of him....
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 10 a.m. Fantasy Baseball Focus: With the acquisition of Chone Figgins, at last my three-year master plan is complete. World domination is mine! Ah ha ha ha ha! • 10 a.m. Buzzmaster: USA vs. Ghana: Oh sorry Ghana, we didn't see you; we ...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. World Cup with Phil Holland: Whoa, the correct term is Phil Netherlands, pal. • 3 p.m. MLB & Steroids w/Shaun Assael: MLB & Steroids; kind of goes together like Siegfried and Roy, doesn't it? • 4 p.m. World Cup with Heather Mitt...
The Closer: Royals-Pirates; The Awful Truth
Notes from a day in baseball:...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. ESPN Radio's Mike Greenberg: We want a divorce! Thanks for nothing, jerk. • 2 p.m. NBA Draft with Andy Katz: Oh Andy, down at the pub again? Your wife is gonna be mad! Will you never learn? • 4:30 p.m. College World Series Focus...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 11 a.m. Soccernet's John Brewin: This is getting ridiculous. I get a red card simply for going to the restroom before halftime? • Noon: Stanley Cup with E.J. Hradek: Suddenly there's an unlikely Game 7 in the Finals one year after hock...
Pull The String! Pull The String!
This story's gonna grab people. It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl ... but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn, Georgie. This is drama!...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 11 a.m. Baseball with Jerry Crasnick: Wouldn't it be easier just to place an asterisk next to the names of the players who aren't taking steroids? • Noon. NBA Finals with Chris Sheridan: I've begun a support group for people who have b...
When Bat Boys Attack
If you were to believe television broadcasts, every fan who runs on the field is violently tackled, beaten or otherwise pummeled. Networks won't show a guy who's just running around, but they love to see him hammered. Hence, last night's Boston-Minnesota game, when a bat boy wallops a sliding fan an...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 2 p.m. World Cup with Dale Johnson: iTS hARd too tyupe with&out usng my6 handds ..3 • 3 p.m. Page 2's Michael Davies: We understand that you're responsible for "Win Ben Stein's Money." Therefore, we would like to talk to you. • 4 p.m. ...
Spend Your Fourth With Us!
We apologize for our lingering tech problems today, but all should be resolved now. Sorry. We're going to try to make it up to you; we're gonna give you that long-awaited opportunity to punch us in the face....
The Kids, They Like The Golf
We've been trying to fire ourselves up for tomorrow's U.S. Open — the amount of morale-pumping required to maintain a face-painting level of excitement for televised golf is sometimes more than we can muster — but we just can't quite regurgitate the same Tiger vs. Phil stories. Sorry. We don't have ...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • Noon. NFL with Gary Horton: Loved that song North, to Alaska. Written any other ballads lately? • 1 p.m. Boxing Historian Bert Sugar: Will history look back at your sport like the gladitorial games, or like glorified cockfighting? • 4 ...
We Have To Ask ...
Suggested questions for today's ESPN SportsNation chatters ... • 1 p.m. Cold Pizza's Skip Bayless: Your barber swears that the birthmark he found on your scalp reads "999," but we know better, right Skip? • 4 p.m. NFL with Pro Football Weekly: Just as a precaution: Should I wear a helmet during this...