oh Page 359 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Finally Time To Put The College Football Season To Rest
OK, we are finally here. The college football season, at last, ends tonight in New Orleans. You know it's an important game in a SERIOUS locale, because they've put the cheerleaders to work. It's Ohio State vs. LSU, for something weird thing we're calling a "national championship." Or something. En...
LSU Will Also Beat Your Ass At Tetris
The day will surely come, my friend, when football will exist only in The Matrix. Why should humans risk serious injury and National Anthems by the Oak Ridge Boys when we can play the whole damn game on an Xbox? We're a step closer to that already, as LSU has revealed that its quarterbacks — Matt Fl...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you translate all of your comments into Klingon ... • College football: Orange Bowl, Virginia Tech vs. Kansas, at Miami (8:15 p.m., ET). Has Mangino ever ingested fruit? [Fox] • Golf: PGA Tour, Mercedes-Benz Championship, first round, at Kapalua, Hawaii (6 p.m., ET). Colt Brennan ha...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch on your new TV that is larger than the actual playing field being televised ... • College football: Pacific Life Holiday Bowl, Arizona State vs. Texas, at San Diego (8 p.m., ET) Let the Pac-10 Holiday Bowl humiliation continue. [ESPN] • College basketball: Nevada at North Carolina (7 p...
Gus Johnson "Loves The Internet"
Big ups to Awful Announcing, which, after considerable negotiation, landed an interview with everyone's favorite screaming announcer Gus Johnson. He seems like a friendly enough fellow....
Is Tennis Mobbed Up?
We should have seen it coming: It seems that the Russian Mafia may have infiltrated pro tennis (this surprises me: I would have guessed chess). But don't worry, sports fans; we have our best man on the case. John McEnroe. The former American great points to questions surrounding tennis stars such as...
Time For More Fun And Games With ESPN Memos
After the infamous ESPN Memo from this summer, the folks at ESPN wised up and stopped widely distributing their interoffice "Town Meeting" emails. It appears, however, they have gotten lazy: We have another one....
Your Team Would Like To Trade For Santana Too
Andruw Jones signed with the Dodgers yesterday — the money seems a bit high, but the two-year commitment wouldn't seem crippling to us — and Dontrelle and Tubby McTubberson headed to Detroit, and that's pretty much all that came out of baseball's winter meetings, which end today. So, perhaps Johan S...
In A Way, Aren't We All John Maine?
For years, we have been plagued by the scourge of John Maine impersonators. We have fallen prey to this ourselves; heck, just more than a month ago, we thought Maine had shown up at our door, asking not for a dress, but for candy. One would think we would have learned to have been more skeptical....
John Maine Loves The Little Black Dress
If we know anything about baseball players, we know that they love to dress up in women's clothing. This is a verifiable fact, as true as the nose on your face and the whet of your whistle. Witness Exhibit 2732-A, Mets pitcher John Maine....
Whatever Choice Was Made, It Was Going To Be Wrong
We enjoy this picture of Georgia center Fernando Velasco, taken after the Bulldogs' win over Georgia Tech Saturday, because he is holding an orange. Presumably, a fan through him — and some other Bulldogs — an orange to symbolize the Orange Bowl. This is odd not because Georgia is not going to the O...
I Hope Hugh Had The Time Of Your Life (Good Riddance)
The game to watch right now is Virginia Tech and Boston College, tied at 16-16. Earlier, Central Florida pulled away from Tulsa and won 44-23, and UCF tailback Kevin Smith is close to breaking the single-season rushing record set by Barry Sanders. Navy's water invasion of Army proves successful for ...
Reports Indicate Les Miles Reports Contradict Other Les Miles Reports - A Special Report
There was a really cool fake punt in the Tulsa-UCF game, because Tulsa's quarterback was lined up at punter. Obvious fake, right? Well, he's actually averaging 40 yards a punt, which is better than their main punter. He also installed the goalposts before the game, and sometimes mans the down marker...
MAC Championship Breaks Sound Barrier
The quantity of games is light, which is compensated with a hint of quality. Central Michigan leads Miami 7-0 for the MAC championship, Central Florida is up 10-7 on Tulsa for the C-USA crown, and Army-Navy is scoreless. And for a I-AA update, Appalachian State leads Eastern Washington 7-0. Virginia...
Look, you knew going into this that Hugh II: And The Nedyssey Continues had to end sometime. We're just not right for each other. It's not you, it's me. But hey, we had our fun! And I'll never forget you. It's the final week of the Hugh Johnson Project, so bring your best college football tidbits to...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while, after pressure from the Sudanese government, renaming your teddy bear Osama... • NBA: Lou Holtz's pep talk fixed everything. Knicks 91, Bucks 88 • NCAA Football: This one had all sorts of Poinsettia Bowl implications. Fresno State 30, New Mexico State 23 • ♬ Dustin Byfuglien ♬...
A Trade That's Just Crazy Enough To Work!
The baseball winter meetings start next week, and that means countless unsubstantiated guesswork and fantasy trade scenarios. That's the fun of it, really; it will distract you from the horror that comes when your team gives $12 million for four years to Kyle Lohse....