ow Page 1161 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Please, Sir, Keep The Gutteral Utterances To Yourself
This is Al Argibay, and he has a goatee and, we presume, walks around making this arm motion all day. And he's pissed, because he was just thrown out of his gym for grunting too loud....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as your Coca-Cola can Halloween costume — so popular last night — now becomes a sad shell of loneliness and despair ... • College football: Fresno State at Boise State. The Broncos undefeated? A WAC team headed for a Bowl Championship Series game? When did pigs start flying? [ESPN2] • ...
Steelers Choose To Stay The Course
We should be saving this for our Heartfelt Fridays post, but, you know, we couldn't wait. So ... sorry. In the Steelers' press conference on Tuesday, coach Bill Cowher said that he is officially taking the blame for the team's 2-5 start, warning everyone to lay off of quarterback Ben Roethlisberge...
It's Morning In America!
So, hey, good morning, everybody. What'd we miss?...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as your paperboy looks at you from outside, weeping softly ......
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Gomer points the mortar at Sergeant Carter's crotch ... • NFL: New England at Minnesota. Doh! We forgot the key to the Metrodome. Can somebody climb in a window? [ESPN] • NHL: Chicago at Philadelphia. The only way this could be better is if the Hanson Brothers were playing. [Versus]...
To Watch Tonight...
• College Football: UConn @ Rutgers. The USC loss really opens up Rutgers' path to a national title. 8:00, ESPN. • MLS: Club Deportivo Chivas USA @ Houston Dynamo. Hey, I think the MLS playoffs have started. 8:00, Fox Soccer. • NFL: Dallas Cowboys @ Carolina Panthers. You'll want to see the beginnin...
To Watch Tonight...
• College Football: Texas @ Texas Tech. Said Texas center Lyle Sendlein of the atmosphere in Lubbock, "You get things thrown at you that you never thought could sail through the air." In that case, I want to see a fire extinguisher. 7:00, TBS. • MLS: Chicago Fire @ New England Revolution. Ah, screw ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as North Korean nuke tests awaken Godzilla ... • College football: Texas-El Paso at Tulsa. Hurricanes who won't swing a helmet at you. We hope. [ESPN2] • Major League Baseball: World Series Game 5, Detroit at St. Louis. Come see the gigantic, green Slip 'N Slide. [Fox] • NBA: Preseason...
Twenty Four Years Isn't 1918 or 1908 ... But It's A Pretty Long Time
In 1982, we were six years old — we turned seven during the World Series — and could care less about baseball. The principal once called our parents because he thought it was weird that we were reading "Mom, The Wolfman and Me" during recess instead of playing kickball. (And that factoid, surely, wi...
Who's Sorry Now?
It's been quite a year so far for youth football, hasn't it? Spectators being mistaken for terrorists, police officers tasering rambunctious fans ... one concerned parent even pulled a gun on a coach. Compared to that, the following may not seem like much, except for the heartfelt, tearful apologi...
Would You Like Claws With That?
Todd Haley is the receivers coach for the Dallas Cowboys, which means, as is, his life is pretty much terrible. He also doesn't have much time to cook, since he apparently only takes his family out for McDonald's. That's bad enough, but even worse when they McSalad has a huge freaking rat in it....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as your other appliances secretly plot to destroy you ... • College football: Clemson at Virginia Tech. You know what happens whenever these two teams tangle (seriously, please let us know, we have no idea). [ESPN] • Major League Baseball: World Series, Game 4, Detroit at St. Louis. Bu...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Shaq breaks down your door in search of pirated DVDs ... • World Series: Game 4, Detroit at St. Louis. If we rush the field, please shoot us. [Fox] • NBA: Preseason, Houston at Miami. Heat warm up for the phoning in of the 2006-07 season. [ESPN] • NHL: Panthers at Rangers. Van Ryn's...
To Watch Tonight
What to change the channel to when you notice Yosemite Sam switching to armor-piercing bullets ... • Major League Baseball: World Series, Game 3, Detroit at St. Louis. Six NFL teams will be mathematically eliminated before we're done with baseball. [Fox] • NHL: New Jersey at Pittsburgh. Will it be M...
Time's Running Out To Get Your Dork Costume
As Halloween approaches, and you think about your costumes and their potential offensiveness or lack thereof — tips: Buck O'Neill, OK; Cory Lidle, not so much — we'd like to direct you to this fellow, who two years ago dressed up as a hardcore Celtics defensive enthusiast, a persona now commandeered...
That'll Be All, Bill
You know, it's funny: The Dallas Cowboys' season appears to be disintegrating, and even though Terrell Owens had to go so far as to try to kill himself to derail the team, he seems to be the least of their problems....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while waiting for your Mark Foley action figure to arrive in the mail ... • NFL: New York Giants at Dallas. Seismologists predict Terrell Owens could blow at any minute. [ESPN] • NHL: Buffalo at Montreal. Any way you look at it, it's gonna be cold. [Versus] • Boxing: The Contender. We'...
To Watch Tonight...
• College Football. South Florida Bulls @ Cincinnati Bearcats. No, wait. It's gotta be your bull. 8:00, ESPN. • Movie. Through the Fire. In a few months, they'll release the Platinum edition on DVD, which will include coverage of the Fabolous hit. 8:00, ESPN Classic. • Reality. Dalls Cowboys Cheerle...
To Watch Tonight...
• MLB World Series. St. Louis Cardinals @ Detroit Tigers, Game 1. I hope the Tigers can borrow the Pistons PA announcer for a few games. 7:30, Fox. • College Football: Georgia Tech @ Clemson. I wonder if they'll mention this guy. 7:45, ESPN. • College Football: Southern Mississippi @ Virginia Tech. ...