own Page 327 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Don Mattingly Will Stop At Nothing To Find A World Series Ring
Your morning roundup for Feb. 16, a day after a guy from Texas retired from riding bicycles while wearing tights. Again....

O.J. Simpson Didn't Really Get Beaten Silly By A White Supremacist After All
The purported word coming from Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Center today had all the makings of a Rockwellian portrait painted by the would've-been U.S. Rep. Rich Iott of Ohio. Accused murderer and convicted armed-robber Orenthal James Simpson got beaten so badly by a young skinhead in the prison...

Rick Telander: If We Don't Stop Getting Concussed, The Robots Will Win (Or Something Like That)
We do not know what is going on in Rick Telander's head, but he wrote a column about brains and computers yesterday that is so full of raving, delusional paranoia about some impending tyranny that he might as well be on mushrooms or in the Tea Party....

How To Get Arrested And Banned From Soccer: Pretend You're An Airplane!
Not just any airplane, mind you, but the one from the Munich air disaster which killed eight Manchester United players in 1958. So when a fan of Crawley Town was spotted making airplane gestures in a team-sponsored music video ahead of Crawley's FA Cup match against Man U, it caused some fuss....

These Men Are Not Laughing With You
Your morning roundup for February 15, the day Bob Cook's family ended his obituary with the words "GO PACK GO."...

We Can Now Laugh At The Grammy Reporter Who Spoke Gibberish Last Night
Since Serene Branson did not, in fact, have a stroke while reporting live from the Grammys in Los Angeles last night, we think it is now safe to laugh openly at her incredible mumbo-jumbo-daracen-speak. Our interpretation is subtitled above....

The Cleveland Cavaliers Are On A One-Game Winning Streak
Your morning roundup for Feb. 12, the day Mars-commute impregnating became a non-starter in the name of continuing the colony....

Everyone's Talking About Harry Baals
The Fort Wayne city government is renaming its government center, and its residents have demonstrated an overwhelming preference to honor former mayor Harry Baals (now pronounced bales). This is making for some excellent TV news reports, all compiled above....

Tiger Woods Is Having A Great Time In Dubai
Your morning roundup for Feb. 11, the day the White House has to play whatever cards they have left…...

Listen To Jim Gray's Awful Super Bowl Sign-Off
Jim Gray delivered the Super Bowl sign-off for Westwood One Radio. It was already quite the piece of work, but adding the "Rudy" theme song really just brought it to another level....

"Dear Pathetic, Ignorant Twats": The Duke/UNC War Of Words Heats Up
It's an annual tradition for the editors of the Duke Chronicle and the Daily Tar Heel to exchange trash talk letters in advance of their schools' first matchup of the season. We got them both, and boy, do the young minds of Tobacco Road have a way with words....

The Pittsburgh Paper's Solution For Shut Out Super Bowl Fans Is One Big Conflict Of Interest
Yesterday, an unsigned editorial ran in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, decrying the NFL's offer of compensation to those fans whose Super Bowl seats were unavailable, and demanding that the league pay them as much as $50,000 each. The editorial failed to mention that one of the people affected by the ...

Let's Put Talk Of Dallas Weather...On Ice
Maybe you've heard that it is cold in Dallas, Tex. this week. Frigid, some say. Icy. Admittedly, dangerously icy. If not, here's a recap. It includes weather predictions for the 2014 Super Bowl, which, for all we know, could include Thundersnow....

Soaring Moments In <em>SI</em> Super Bowl-ese
Sports Illustrated put all their Super Bowl coverage ever in one place. This is good for you, if you are Ernie Accorsi, or something. Otherwise? You get 44 years' worth of melodrama, dated references and similes....

Leave Ben Roethlisberger Alone
This photo is of Big Ben at a restaurant, posing for a picture with a fan. Maybe he had a drink or two with dinner. If ESPN's previous mini-circus was any judge, expect them to go with wall-to-wall coverage on this one....

Jim Gray Doesn't Like Being Asked About His Sources
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Who Wants To Watch A TV Reporter Fall Down The Stairs?
This video comes from reader Brian, who says he has been holding onto it for "over ten years." That makes this reporter the first person injured in the 59-year history of Langley Speedway. Of all finguhs to hurt......

OMG Puppies! And Other Highlights From Signing Day
A recruit hoisted a puppy, a mother forged her son's signature on a letter of intent, CBS made Rich Rodriguez interview his successor at Michigan, and many hats were donned. Signing day! First comes the built-up signature, next comes crushing disappointment....

Rob Neyer Is Leaving ESPN.com, Which Didn't Deserve Him Anyway
Rob Neyer just wrote his last column for ESPN.com, where he had been tucked behind a pay wall*, hidden by whatever fresh pail of water Buster Olney was carrying for the Yankees that day....