pe Page 1070 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What's Really Special About This Picture Is That Chipper Jones May Have Signed A 7-Inch Sperm Replica
The first weekend of baseball season wouldn't be complete without an "Atlanta Braves Chipper Jones Sperm Autograph" available to the highest bidder. As of 11 a.m., there were zero takers on the starting bid of $1. Fine, it's not authenticated, but this is still shocking when you consider that there...
Abusive Relationships Are The Talk Of New York Baseball
It's not enough for Yankees GM Brian Cashman to let the Mets wallow in the fact that they're the Mets. No, he just had to call them out for abusing "left-handed specialist" Pedro Feliciano last year....
We Are All Dave McKenna LVIII (Busted Piñata Head Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is smashed to bits to the point that all the pieces of Vero, Pulparindo, Pelon Pelo Rico, Duvalin and Canel's fall to the ground....
We Are All Dave McKenna LVII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is close-captioned in shut the fuck up....
The Cardinals Are Pretty Much Cursed Now, Right?
Adam Wainwright needs Tommy John surgery. Now Matt Holliday is out indefinitely after an emergency appendectomy. Next Albert Pujols will sign with Chicago. (Probably.)...
Your Other Opening Day Open Thread
Aw, don't feel bad that MLB gave you a Friday game to open the season. For example, it's slightly more acceptable to booze your way through the game. We're looking at you, Phillies fans....
It Took A Self-Proclaimed "Hockey Luvin Homo" To Make A Canucks-Kings Game Noteworthy
Your morning roundup for April 1, the day you are permitted to seek vengeance against anybody who you think has wronged you, with no legal ramifications whatsoever....
Former Penn State Coach Who Titled His Autobiography "Touched" Stands Accused Of Improperly Doing So
A grand jury is investigating allegations that "Penn State football legend" Jerry Sandusky indecently assaulted a 15-year-old boy over the course of a four-year period. Both Joe Paterno and Penn State Athletic Director Tim Curley were called to appear, according to the Patriot-News newspaper in cen...
Your First Night Game Of The Season Open Thread
Opening Day for 12 of 29* Major League Baseball franchises comes to a close with a Giants/Dodgers game. One team is the defending World Series Champion; the other fills some seats with gang-bangers. Facts....
Now A Grouchy Old Lesbian, Pete Rose Returned From Arsenio Hall's Rummage Sale In Time For Opening Day
Bud Selig, you've officially broken this man's spirit. Please remedy this situation and put Peter Edward Rose in the Hall of Fame before his sanity dissipates any further....
We Are All Dave McKenna LVI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit is found face-down in a puddle....
Fourth Official Holds Up A Massive Electrical Condom
Looking very much like Leslie Nielsen did in that Naked Gun scene when he thrusts a giant Johnny over his head to do the nasty with Elvis's ex, here's a Thai official holding up his Durex-sponsored extra-time board....
Chad Pennington Bucks Tradition And Injures His Leg Instead Of His Arm
Two-time Comeback Player of the Year and current free agent Chad Pennington went and did something wholly original this week: he injured his leg instead of injuring his arm. To be exact, Pennington tore his ACL while playing in a pickup basketball game. Add this to his 2003 fractured hand, his 2005 ...
Watch "Special Greg" Flip Over His Bike 30 Feet In The Air And Not Die
It is news to us that there was once an MTV series called Nitro Circus, which involved x-treme athlete Travis Pastrana and his friends nearly killing themselves in the name of x-tremity. But it turns out there was, and that some of them still do near-death things in the name of non-nationally-broa...
Old Hoss Flipping The Bird, And More: An Opening Day Retrospective
Peter Nash, resident baseball historian and former 3rd Bass prime minister, has pulled together some Opening Day memorabilia porn for your viewing pleasure. Like this 1886 Opening Day photo from Boston featuring Old Hoss Radbourn (top left) expressing joy about having his picture taken. Dive in....
PETA Protests The Michael Vick Madden Cover That Doesn't Exist Yet
When ESPN and EA Sports announced that they would team up to let fans select the Madden 2012 cover boy, we predicted that the angry loud people would quickly sound off about the selections. The pool is now down to 16 selections, and the shit-stirring has begun: in a totally unoriginal outcome, the ...
Your Opening Day Open Thread
It seems like just yesterday that Tim Lincecum and the Giants were donning their dong-hats as world champions, but baseball is here again, and we're so happy about it. In the early-afternoon block, we've got Tigers-Yankees, Braves-Nationals, and Brewers-Reds. Express your giddiness, joy, and/or curs...
Today's The Day Baseball Fans Everywhere Except Pittsburgh Dream Of World Series Victory
Your morning roundup for March 31, the day a Bellaire, Ohio chair mourns the obese man who sat upon it for the past two years, leaving more than skin behind....
Watch A Frat-Boy Flyers Fan Flip The Fuck Out On His Bros
Brah here goes to Penn State. When he went out to study for a "very important test," Brah's bros covered his bed with, per the summary of whomever posted this video, "hundreds of plastic solo cups." Dude....
We Heard From The Robot, And It Wrote A Better Story About That Perfect Game
This morning we covered Will Roberts, the University of Virginia player who threw a perfect game yesterday. More specifically, the game story at GWSports.com, which only bothered to mention the little fact of 27-up-27-down in the penultimate paragraph....