pe Page 1113 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Penn State Kicker Drinks Like A Sorority Girl
Anthony Fera, PSU's sophomore kicker, was cited for underage drinking. His beverage of choice? Cruzan Mango Rum. Easy there, tiger. [Post-Gazette]...

Your Masters Open Thread (To Promote Discussion)
Possible topics for discussion: K.J. Choi and Fred Couples's taste in footwear. Talk below....

Slovenian Hockey Players Celebrate Title By Beating Up Coach
Six players from Slovenia's league champion, Acroni Jesenice, have been booted from the team after beating up their head coach in drunken post-game celebration. It's okay, though because he totally deserved his thrashing....

Your Prone-To-Be-Inquisitive Masters Open Thread
Tiger is teeing off at 1:42. Dan Jenkins is tweeting. Jim Nantz is flipping through a rhyming dictionary. Billy Payne is being stupid somewhere. And Zombie Earl Woods is promoting discussion (and Nike). Talk about it below. [Masters.com]...

The Biggest Supporters Around
To conclude one of the boobsiest days in Deadspin history, here's this picture of some strategically placed fans/cameramen at last night's Thunder-Jazz and Penguins-Capitals trackmeets. Mutton wins again. H/t Eric and Patrick....

Your UConn Looks Mortal Open Thread
That 77-game streak looks to be in jeopardy, as the Huskies trail Stanford 20-12 at the half. (Yes, they are using a shot clock.) Discuss in the comments, if you are so inclined. [Update: UConn wins. Try not to riot.]...

Welcome Back, Duke Persecution Complex
At left is the front page of the Charlotte Observer the day after North Carolina won the 2009 national championship. At right, this morning's front page. Dookies, you may now return to your hilariously overblown sense of persecution....

If Duke Loses, Will Jim Nantz Say, "The Butler Did It"? Your National Championship Game Open Thread
At the end of the season, Duke and Butler were ranked #3 and #8, respectively, in the ESPN/USA Today coaches poll. This is not Hoosiers. It's not David vs. Goliath. Tomorrow: I eat my words after Duke wins by 30....

With Obama, Even His First Pitch Skews Left
It's an opening day tradition unlike any other: making fun of the president for his horrible ceremonial first pitch....

Baseball Will Save Us Now: Opening Day, Opening Thread (Video Updates)
Today should be a national holiday, but most American workers are left attempting to follow the Real Opening Day from their sad, sad cubicles. Commiserate with your fellow wage slaves here. Afternoon baseball schedule below. (Update: Heyward/Buerhle highlights.)...

Welcome To Baseball Season!
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Finally, Spring
Okay, I get it. Opening day should be a weekday afternoon, not a made-for-TV night game. And fans of 28 teams could care less about tonight's game. But still, what are you going to do — watch women's college basketball?...

Some Losses Are More Painful Than Others
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Chitwood Vs. Jemele Hill: Your Butler vs. Michigan State Open Thread
Can those streetwise Butler ballers continue their mid-major march to glory? Or is beach-combing Tom Izzo, Greatest Coach In The History Of HIstory, powerful? Settle it in the comments. (Photo:MLive)...

Tailpipe: "... His Touch Sending Her Senses Into Overdrive"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

PETA Capitalizes On Clemens's Failure To Launch
PETA suggests that Roger Clemens's rumored performance issues are due to his carnivorous diet. Wonder if the grand jury will buy that one. [PETA via copyranter]...

MMA's War Machine Busts Up Bar, Spits On Cops
Take a heavily tattooed MMA-fighter-cum-porn-actor, who legally changed his name to "War Machine," and it's a surprise we're reporting on his bar brawl instead of reporting on when he doesn't start one....

More About Pete Rose's Sex Life Than You Ever Knew You Wanted To Know
Rose and his Playboy-bound girlfriend did Howard Stern this morning. It wasn't pretty. They touched on Charlie Hustler's endowment, his stamina, and his semen-encrusted bedroom wall. Don't worry: if you don't click through, I won't be upset. [via SbB]...

Does Roger Clemens Look Like A Man Who Can't Please A Lady In Bed?
According to his former cuckoo mistress, Mindy McReady, The Rocket had some problems satisfying her in the bedroom. Even when she was 15? [Fox411]...

Pistol Pete In Love
Maravich's high school girlfriend shares the mash notes he sent her. His greatest expression of love? Telling her he missed free throws because he was thinking of her. [Charlotte Observer]...