pe Page 1115 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Agassi And Sampras Have A Catfight For Charity
Dear Haiti: please enjoy this donation of two of America's greatest tennis players ever, teasing and bickering like little children for all the world to see. No givesies backsies....

Tailpipe: "She Looked As Sexy As Hell"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

Peter King Leads The League In Obliviousness, Strange Notions Of Justice (UPDATE)
Whenever a football story drifts beyond football and contracts and whatever Brett Favre just text-messaged from his ride mower, we can always count on Peter King to give voice to the most oblivious and casually insensitive thought in his head....

Julius Peppers Would Like To Buy The World A Coke (And Some Overpriced Champagne)
The Bears lineman celebrated his new $91 million contract by buying 25 bottles of $350 champagne for guests at a nightclub. The deal contains Chicago's standard "Brewster Clause" requiring him to spend the entire amount within 30 days. [ChicagoTribune]...

The Ravens Have a Wide Receiver? Yes. The Ravens Have a Wide Receiver.
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Tailpipe: "I Bet You'd Like A Three-Breasted Woman"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

Clippers Fandom Now An Exercise In Spiritual Enlightenment
"For me, being a Los Angeles Clippers fan for over twenty years has taught me firsthand about the spiritual dimensions of faith and suffering, and has helped me better understand my own Hindu tradition." [Huffington Post]...

Time To Start A Band Since We've Already Got A Kickass Album Cover
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Great Caption Fail, Or Greatest Caption Fail?
The Times again shows their conservative bias by mislabeling a photo that's definitely not Hillary Clinton. And probably not Michelle Bachelet, either....

Clippers Add To Their Distinguished Record Of Racial Sensitivity
I have no idea what's going on in this press release, except that the Steven Esparza in question is a media services assistant with the team, and that the Clippers are an abomination of a franchise. [NBA.com, via @HoopsHype]...

Purdue Pete's Child-Terrorizing Days Are Numbered
Purdue is redesigning their mascot, after many complaints about scared children. Not this li'l tyke, though; Purdue Pete swallowed him whole before he could register fear....

Say Hey, Wait A Minute
"Above all, the story of Willie Mays reminds us of a time when the only performance-enhancing drug was joy." So sayeth the great Pete Hamill, who is proof that baseball makes even brilliant writers sound like a Wonder Years voiceover....

Your USA-Canada Open Thread
To be clear: this would be no miracle. But let's not forget the NHL booked the American players' flights back to their teams for this morning, because they weren't supposed to be here. Discuss North American supremacy in the comments....

Utah Will Never Play In a Championship Bowl Game, How to Win an NCAA Pool, and Other Swell Advice from a Departing Gawker Writer
Hello Deadspin readers! My name's Foster. This is my last weekend writing for Gawker. I've written for you jockstrap-sniffing cretins before, but this will be maybe my last chance to do so. So while AJ's over there, here're some words:...

The One Where The South Korean Speedskate Lady Grabs Her Coach's Crotch
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Last Night's Winner: Canadian Men On Skates
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Canadian skatesmen, who prat fell onto the podium for short-track speedskating and held off the feisty Slovakians in hockey for a chance at gold against Amerika....

Sorry, ESPN, But Your Audience Does Not Want To Read About Florida QB's Dad's Prostate Cancer, Apparently
Granted, this was an odd story to have on the front page of ESPN, but it certainly didn't warrant the anonymous, angry hordes completely knee-capping the thing in the cruelest ways possible....

Your USA-Finland Open Thread
The only thing that stands between us and a gold medal rematch with the Canadians is Finland, the Canada of Europe. Try out your umlauts and doubled vowels in the comments....

Tailpipe: "He Didn't Seem The Least Bit Interested In Hugging Her Curves"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....

ESPN's Scott Van Pelt Explains Why He F-Bombed
ESPN SportsCenter anchor Scott Van Pelt has unfortunately been YouTube kindling twice this week, but has handled both incidents remarkably well. He explains last night's open mic screw-up in an email to Deadspin....