pe Page 775 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here Are Your Best (And Worst) Recurring Dreams 

On Friday, we asked you guys to tell us about your recurring dreams, like the one where your teeth fall out, or the one where your gutters suddenly need cleaning again, or whatever unlikely scenario regularly terrorizes your subconscious. We noticed a few themes! ...

Penn State Has Already Reached The Symbolic Burials Portion Of The Season

I’m all for football teams carrying out batshit rituals that are meant to exorcise bad vibes, but I feel like going to the Let’s Meaningfully Bury Some Shit well just one week into the season is a little much. Penn State would disagree:...

Fearless Jackrabbit Dances In End Zone After Invading CFL Game

The Edmonton Eskimos and Calgary Stampeders played a football game Monday, but who cares about that. Check out the jackrabbit that jumped on the field while Edmonton’s Kendial Lawrence returned a kick....

Here Are 7 Faces Andy Murray Made Last Night

The loudest burst from the stands in Flushing Meadows last night came just before the third-set tiebreaker, when a stadium full mostly of Americans shouted An-Dee Murr-Eee clap clap clap-clap-clap for the Brit just minutes after he laid a vulgar, impassioned speech to the chair umpire about how upse...

Bryce Harper: Nationals Fans Leaving Early Was "Brutal"

Early-September series don’t get much more important than Mets-Nats, not with each game being a two-game swing in the standings and a wild card all but out of reach for the loser. The Mets came to Washington four games up, so for the Nationals, this is basically a playoff series. Bryce Harper wishes...

Dan Patrick Returns To <i>SportsCenter</i>; Still Manages A Subtle, Lasting Burn

Dan Patrick returned to ESPN’s SportsCenter set tonight for the first time since leaving the Worldwide Leader in 2007. But lest you think his appearance to commemorate Scott Van Pelt’s first episode of the new solo show would bring tidings of a more lengthy homecoming for one half of the “Big Show”,...

Cleveland Browns Suspend Offensive Line Coach Andy Moeller Indefinitely [UPDATES]

Here is a statement the Cleveland Browns just put up on their website:...

"It May Be Rabid": U.S. Open Match Interrupted By Squirrel

It’s not the first time rodents have disrupted a major event in New York....

Tell Us About Your Recurring Dreams 

It’s possible you have a recurring dream; one that crops up every few weeks (or days!) and you can’t seem to shake. Maybe you have a few of them! Lots of people have anxiety dreams that haunt them: Your teeth are falling out. Your house is falling apart. You have to take an exam for a class you forg...

Bryce Harper Scores Four Runs Without Ever Recording An Official At-Bat

That’s Bryce Harper with what I assume is a bored look on his face while standing on base. He did that a lot tonight. ...

The Penguins’ owners are asking $750 million for the team, which is probably unrealistic and would be a record for an American NHL franchise....

Jack Sock Down

American Jack Sock had to retire in the middle of the fourth set against Belgian Ruben Bemelmans at the U.S. Open today. Sock’s legs cramped up, and trainers had to sit him down before he was eventually helped off the court. Bemelmans automatically advanced to the third round, and will play Stan Waw...

"Iman" Is A Fine Name For Iman Shumpert's Daughter

Iman Shumpert and singer Teyana Taylor are having a baby. The Cleveland Cavalier posted the sonogram on his Instagram, and announced plans to name the girl Iman Shumpert Jr. Relax. It’s not a big deal....

The New Miley Cyrus Record Is Exhausting, But Might Be Worth It Anyway

So what we’ve got here is Miley Cyrus singing a morbid piano ballad called “Pablow the Blowfish.” She’s wearing fluffy unicorn pajamas and playing an electric piano in an ersatz cornfield; additional props include a stuffed unicorn on a stool and an inflatable Super Mario Bros. power-up mushroom. Ve...

Victoria Azarenka Hits Chair Umpire With A Solid High-School Burn

During her U.S. Open match against Lucie Hradecka yesterday, Victoria Azarenka found herself in a disagreement with the chair umpire. She handled herself like a jock seasoned in the art of making band kids feel like lame nerds....

A Unified Theory of Dusting

Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....

32 Years Later, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka Charged With Girlfriend's Death 

Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka was charged today with one count of third-degree murder and one count of involuntary manslaughter in the bizarre 1983 death of his girlfriend, Nancy Argentino. Until today, no charges ever had been brought in the case....

DeAndre Jordan Drops Agent Who Maybe Sorta Pushed Him To Sign With Mavs

Hey, remember all that shit with DeAndre Jordan back in July? No? Let me briefly remind you....

How To Win The Fair

Who’s ready for a big, fat line of pure, uncut Americana? If you answered “yes” or “no” or did not answer at all out of fear and/or confusion, you’re in luck! Because it’s Fair Season, people, and you’re all invited. So grab your taste for sodium nitrates, and let’s get moving....

Bat Fetching Sports Dog Retires After 649 Consecutive Games

All dogs are good dogs. This is objective fact and I will not hear any arguments against it. But some dogs, like Miss Babe Ruth of Greensboro, N.C., are better dogs. Since she was a nine-month-old puppy, the black labrador retriever has worked for the Class A Greensboro Grasshoppers, living up to he...