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Your Sunday Open Thread Smorgasbord
Baseball gets going now. Miami and the Pacers tip off at 3:30 p.m. The Kings likely end the Coyotes year and the surging Spurs try the same for Lob City 10:30 p.m. Talk all about it down below and enjoy your sports viewing Sunday....

Twitter Aficionado Osi Umenyiora Promises To Buy Lawrence Taylor's Super Bowl Ring If He Gets One Million Followers
This Osi Umenyiora guy is a weird cat. A week after calling LeSean McCoy a woman on twitter as an insult, he is now pledging to buy Lawrence Taylor's 1991 Super Bowl ring that is currently being auctioned off, but only if he gets one million followers. Initially he said the millionth follower would...

Your Saturday Open Thread Smorgasbord
Rangers-Devils Game 3 is in progress. Clippers-Spurs gets under way at 3:30 p.m. and baseball is always there. The Preakness will be later this evening and Oklahoma City-Lakers will carry us though the night. Enjoy....

Gangrenous, Flesh-Eating Penis Infection Results In Most Harrowing Paragraph Ever
I'm not sure if we can technically call this "Deadspin XY" anymore but just suspend your disbelief for a bit, it's the only way I can legitimize writing about it. Enrique Milla has sued an anesthesiologist in Miami for failing to recognize he was a surgical risk due to uncontrolled diabetes. What d...

Which One's The Crackpot? Which One's The Lesbian? Know Your Rickettses, The Politically Active Cubs Owners
The newspaper headlines make it seem like the Chicago Cubs owner is up to no good. "Cubs Owner Ricketts' Anti-Obama Ad Proposal Risks Stadium Growth." "Report: Emanuel 'livid' with Cubs owner after soliciting Jeremiah Wright attack ad proposal." Sounds like this Mr. Ricketts has really vexed some fo...

Newspaper Reporter Fired For Leaving In Bit About "Coach's Bullshit And Laziness"
Wasn't that a fun time, when a reporter at a little Louisiana newspaper accidentally left in some dummy text that made it to print. Oh, we all had a guffaw or two, yes we did. But then we moved on....

The Los Angeles Kings Are A Hotter Ticket Than The Clippers
All three of the professional teams that call LA's Staples Center home are in the playoffs, and all three are scheduled to play host to opponents this weekend—a total of six games in four days, in fact, beginning with last night:...

Man Busted By Reporter For Parking Illegally: "Fuck You. I Hope You Get AIDS."
It's local news sweeps time again, which means reporters are on the prowl with their I-Teams to trump up whatever tired outrage hasn't been covered recently. Fecal matter in iced tea? Eyewitness News is on your side! Cops eating doughnuts and drinking coffee on the job? The I-Team is there!...

Jonathan Papelbon Is Now Referring To Himself In The Third Person As "Cinco"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: That's short of Cinco Ocho, of course....

Here You Go, PR Guy For Some Player NFL Teams No Longer Want
This email popped into our tips inbox just a little while ago:...

Newspaper's HS Softball Season Wrap-Up Includes No Stats, "Due To The Coach's Bullshit And Laziness."
So this is one of those Twitter things, without much backstory. (We saw it here first.) But the team in question is the Rayne (Louisiana) High Lady Wolves, the coach is Deserea Dunn, and the paper is, we think, the Rayne Independent. The Lady Wolves crashed out of the district playoffs last month, s...

A Commemorative GIF Of Brett Lawrie's "Unlucky" Helmet Spike That Hit Umpire Bill Miller And Earned Him A Four-Game Suspension
Blue Jays infielder Brett Lawrie will sit out the next four games after throwing a tantrum on home plate umpire Bill Miller during the ninth inning of Toronto's game against Tampa Bay. "It took a bad hop and hit him totally by accident," stated Lawrie, who appealed the suspension though he does pla...

Hookers Aren't Free, So Lawrence Taylor Is Auctioning Off One Of His Super Bowl Rings
We're seeing this more and more from famous athletes, whether it's because of financial straits, some sort of hassle, or reasons unexplained: Tommie Smith, Rashaan Salaam, Julius Erving, Ray Guy, David Wells, and Orel Hershiser—to name a few—have all in recent years put some item of cherished memora...

Breaking: French Photographer's Life Filled With More Beautiful Women Than Yours
Alexis has been taking pictures since he was 6 years old. An artist and editorial photographer who counts Kandinsky and Helmut Newton among his inspirations, Alexis's work has hung in Manhattan galleries and graced the pages of W, Italian Elle, and Purple magazines....

Yes, Chicago's ABC Affiliate Identified Metta World Peace As "Lakers Idiot"
Last night the internets buzzed about the veracity of a photo showing the lower third graphic from a TV newscast identifying Lakers ne'er-do-well Metta World Peace as "Lakers Idiot." Our pals over at Busted Coverage asked this morning if it was real, and as the video above will show you, it is in...

<em>What To Expect When You're Expecting</em> Makes Me Want To Get A Vasectomy
My wife and I love kids—we just don't want to have any of our own. That shouldn't be a big deal, but sometimes other people sure act like it is. There have been a few too many instances when my wife and I have been around other folks' babies and the inevitable question comes up: "When are you two go...

Dock Ellis: Beyond LSD
Four years ago, Donnell Alexander interviewed the great Dock Ellis about, among other things, the no-hitter he once threw while on acid. That portion of the interview was turned into an animated short and became a cult object in its own right. Today, we present a second animated short, also featurin...

How I Threw My Hair-Perm Superfly Spitball, By Dock Ellis: A New Animated Short
The video above is "Superfly Spitball," an animated short that grew out of the same interview—conducted by Donnell Alexander and Neille Ilel—that gave us Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No. Animated by Heidi Perry and co-produced by Thor Swift, the short will appear in a forthcoming iBook, Beyond Ellis D....

What Dock Ellis Taught Me About Drugs, Spitballs, Hair Curlers, Office Culture, Race, And America
Be sure to watch the accompanying animated short, "Superfly Spitball."...

Skechers Will Pay $40M To Settle A Lawsuit About Its Goofy-Looking Shoes That Were Supposed To Help People Lose Weight
Look at that ugly, ugly shoe. It's a white Skechers Shape-Up. Scocca wrote in February that Nike's Galaxy Foamposites were the ugliest shoes ever, but we'll have to disagree on this one. These shoes grace an aesthetic level that Phil Knight can only dream about....