politics Page 27 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
All The Questions The 2016 Campaigns Were Afraid To Answer
As anyone in media will be quick to tell you, this has been one long, grueling election. We’ve seen pope feuds, rigged podiums, and Ted Cruz’s innards. But for all its scandal and intrigue, this election has been largely devoid of one thing in particular: Motherfucking answers....
Billionaire CEO Has A Few More Incredibly Patronizing Thoughts Before Election Day
This presidential election could decide the fate of abortion, immigration, race relations, and nuclear proliferation. What our nation needs now is a patronizing letter from an egomaniac corporate CEO. ...
They Finally Took Away Donald Trump's Twitter Account
With just two days left in our collective national hell, the Trump campaign is in its final push to do... something. After all, Trump doesn’t have any pollsters since the campaign refused to pay them. And he barely has the support of his own favorite daughter. Now, though, Trump’s lost perhaps the o...
Did Robert Caruso Con The Washington Press—Or Is That What The Russians <i>Want </i>You To Think?
How hard is it to con people in Washington, D.C.? Easier than you might think, considering it’s the place where things like nuclear war get decided. The national-security circuit in particular, with its think tank fellowships and massive government contracts, is one of the juiciest rackets around....
Racism And Sexism Are Extremely Bad For The Economy
Over the past 50 years, our nation’s institutions have become less racist and less sexist. This decline in discrimination has been very good for America’s economy. ...
Did You Hear The Latest Big Election Scoop?
This past weekend, I caught some evolved form of plague from my two-year-old, disease-carrying nephew. Though I’m past the worst of the illness at this point, some residual sinus pressure remains. So I stopped by the drugstore on my way into the office. It was here that I learned that Huma Abedin an...
Here's Some Wholly Believable Donald Trump Jr. Gossip<em></em>
Earlier today, Miami-based DJ Scott Melker posted a story on Facebook from his time at the University of Pennsylvania—time that he shared with none other than First Son-hopeful Donald J. Trump Jr. And according to Melker, Don Jr. (and his father, for that matter) behaves pretty much exactly like you...
Reminder: Manny Pacquiao Would Like To Execute Anyone Who Has A Poppy Seed Bagel
This Saturday night, Manny Pacquiao will fight Jesse Vargas on pay-per-view. The matchup is thoroughly forgettable. But Pacquiao’s management would like to remind you that in his political career, he wants to execute many, many people! ...
I'm The Big Boy
In 2011, The Metropolitan Golf Writer’s Association awarded the Trump family the honor of Golf Family of the Year. Also in 2011, Donald J. Trump Jr. was a big, fancy booster chair boy....
Dying Is Easy, Making Famous Politicians Seem Funny Is Hard
Disclaimer: Any assumption that the political jokes contained in this article are funny will lead to disappointment....
Ted Cruz's Children Finally Happy In Public As Dad Hides Most Of Face<em></em><em></em><em></em>
“Two little girls... very excited to trick or treat with Mommy and Daddy.” Words that would be perfectly fine-ish under normal circumstances. Unfortunately, tonight, they come from this man:...
Report: Trump Dodged Paying Tens Of Millions In Taxes<em></em>
According to a report from the New York Times, Donald Trump avoided paying “tens of millions of dollars” in taxes after he failed to declare hundreds of millions of dollars in income, thus exploiting a IRS loophole so legally murky that his own advisers told him that the IRS would probably penalize ...
Anthony Weiner's Dong Tipped The FBI Off About New Clinton Emails
The FBI announced this morning that they plan to investigate a new batch of emails from Hillary Clinton, after finding them in “connection with an unrelated case.” That unrelated case? Disgraced horny former congressman Anthony Weiner sending dong shots to a 15-year-old....
Can You Spot The Tiffany Trump In These Photos?<em></em>
Earlier today, the Trump campaign published a press release with photos from Ivanka’s big day campaigning for her father in South Florida. But there’s allegedly another Trump daughter in there, too. Can you spot the Tiffany Trump?...
Senator Mark Kirk Mocks Tammy Duckworth's Mixed-Race Background During Debate
Rep. Tammy Duckworth is challenging Sen. Mark Kirk for his U.S. Senate seat in Illinois, and the incumbent unleashed an incredible comment about her mixed-race heritage during tonight’s debate in Springfield....
Trump Supporter Wrong
A political reporter for a national news outlet has located a supporter of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign who is factually wrong....
Trump Ally Alex Jones: I'm Not Anti-Semitic, It's Just That The Jews Control Everything
You see, it’s not that Alex Jones—whom Donald Trump has previously called a “nice guy” with an “amazing” reputation—hates the Jews. It’s just that he knows how how devious and money-hungry they really are. And also that they control the Ubers....
Can Donald Trump Grow A Beard? An Investigation
Donald Trump’s sense of self-worth seems to be based entirely on his status as an alpha male. He’s obscenely competitive, feels entitled to women, and is apparently fixated on the size of his dick. One hyper-masculine symbol, however, appears to have eluded Trump his entire life, for Donald Trump ha...
Bobby Bowden Rambled For A Few Minutes At A Trump Rally Tonight
Legendary former FSU football coach Bobby Bowden spoke at a rally for Donald Trump this evening in Tampa. He mostly talked about the importance of having a strong military, and asked the crowd “Aren’t you getting tired of these other nations embarrassing us?”...
Let's Just Fix The Busted System Instead??
If your nation has a political system that is, by design, unfair for an enormous portion of your population, don’t bend yourself into pretzels trying to accommodate this bad system. Change the system, idiots! ...