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Never Forget That Fernando Torres Was A Force Of Nature Before He Was A Meme
It has been a while since Fernando Torres was something other than a melancholic presence on the soccer field. The man nicknamed El Niño—who played for Atlético Madrid, Liverpool, Chelsea, AC Milan, and Atlético again before retiring on Thursday at Japanese club Sagan Tosu—saw the arc of his career ...
The NFL Has Accepted The 80-Yard Field So Now Chaos Can Reign
So it turns out that professional football teams can do all the things they need to do on any given day with 20 percent less field. All they have to do is not give much of a damn about it....
Manager Ascends To New Level Of Consciousness, Makes Completely Logical Connection Between The Handball Rule And Brexit
The modern discourse is a never-ending cascade of Expanding Brain memes. Everyone plays their part, and when Deadspin is doing its job well, we provide takes that belong to one of the latter panels, ones hopefully more sophisticated than this but less out-there than this. Proving that our angle on t...
The Football Team In <i>Euphoria</i> Is Complete Trash
It has been two weeks since the finale of HBO’s R-rated Riverdale knock-off, Euphoria, aired to glowing reviews. Everyone wants to talk about how the show found its earnest heart, and whether Jules will come back, and how all the teens may be doomed by sexting and drugs, but no one wants to talk abo...
Banger King Rúben Neves Scores The First Great Goal Of The Premier League Season
One of the best ongoing statistical oddities in English soccer is that Wolverhampton Wanderers youngster Rúben Neves has never scored for the club from inside the penalty box in open play. Heading into Monday’s game against Manchester United, the 22-year-old Portuguese midfielder had 12 goals for Wo...
The New Handball Rule Is The Cold, VAR Is Cancer
For the second time in as many weeks of the new Premier League season, the biggest story from the weekend was another ruinously stupid imposition of VAR. The only thing more tiring than having to write the umpteenth anti-VAR post is having to witness video replay poison this wonderful sport from wee...
Minor League Stadium Ravaged By The Dreaded Mumford & Sons
The Pioneer League’s Missoula Osprey had to postpone all of its games this weekend when the aftermath of a Mumford & Sons concert combined with bad weather to make the baseball field mushy and unplayable....
VAR Once Again Steals A Game-Winning Goal From Manchester City
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Manchester City were on the verge of pulling out a late victory against Tottenham at home, and then VAR stepped in to take it away....
Look At This Weird Thing Donald Trump Just Belched Up<i></i>
In March, a young whale beached itself in Davao City, in the Philippines. When scientists from the local museum—it is, delightfully, called D’Bone Collector Natural History Museum—did a necropsy on the whale after its death, they discovered that it had starved to death because its stomach contained...
Jon Gruden Turns Worrying Shade Of Red Over Preseason Delay-Of-Game Penalty
Mike Glennon threw a 53-yard touchdown pass to [checks notes] Rico Gafford in the first quarter of Thursday night’s Raiders-Cardinals preseason game on ESPN. Immediately afterward, with the poor, addled fans in attendance still buzzing over the hookup, Oakland’s field goal unit took a delay of game ...
There Is No Ethical Dissent Under Capitalism
It’s safe to say Jay-Z, to some extent, takes cues from Colin Kaepernick. Jay-Z has expressed his admiration of the former quarterback before, once calling him an “iconic figure.” In the aftermath of Kaepernick’s black-balling from the NFL for his peaceful protest of police killing unarmed black men...
![Man Dies After Choking During Taco-Eating Contest At Minor League Baseball Game [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/an4o6pi1xbi1jfm5uvjf.png)
Man Dies After Choking During Taco-Eating Contest At Minor League Baseball Game [Updates]
A Fresno man named Dana Hutchings died on Tuesday night after collapsing during a taco-eating contest at a Fresno Grizzlies game, according to a report from the Fresno Bee....
The Athletic Can't Stop Humping Useless Butter Coffee
Here’s a question: What would happen if you combined the vapidity of ubiquitous trend pieces about athletes eating and drinking things with the cravenness of brand subservience? You’d probably end up with something like this article from The Athletic....
Jerry Jones, On Unresolved Player Contracts: I Have Seen The Hot, Spurting Blood
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones talked to Jon Machota of The Athletic Tuesday at Cowboys training camp, where the conversation naturally made its way around to the uncertain contract statuses of quarterback Dak Prescott, wide receiver Amari Cooper, and holdout running back Ezekiel Elliott. Suffice to say,...
The Olympics Are Coming To Tokyo, And So Is The Movement To Kill The Games Forever
TOKYO, JAPAN — In the lobby of the Marunouchi Nijubashi Building, which is undergoing final preparations to host the 2020 Olympics, a robot is on patrol. A combination of information kiosk and surveillance camera, the robot stops directly in front of me. It has the word ALSOK plastered across its ne...
VAR Is Turning Everyone Into Cops
The opening weekend of the Premier League season was in some ways bittersweet—the sweetness provided by the return of the best league in the world, the bitterness from the sad end of England’s noble resistance to the scourge of VAR. To anyone expecting to witness the inherently corrosive effects of ...
American Fencer, Hammer Thrower Protest On Medal Podium At Pan-American Games
Two American athletes used their literal platforms on medalist podiums at the Pan-American Games in Lima, Peru to draw attention to social injustice in the United States. Fencer Race Imboden displayed his protest on Thursday in the form of taking a knee, while hammer thrower Gwen Berry raised her fi...
Pep Guardiola Lauds New Signing Rodri For Not Having Tattoos Or Earrings
Manchester City signed Spanish midfielder Rodri this past summer from Atletico Madrid for a club record £62.8m fee. Since then, Pep Guardiola has been heaping praises upon the 23-year-old, telling BBC Sport that he’s become more and more convinced the player will be one of the club’s best signings a...
Naked Idiot On The Field Rings In The New Premier League Season With A Dong
After a short summer break, the Premier League is back. Liverpool hosted Norwich City in the first match of the season today in a game that featured five goals, several wondrous feats of athleticism, and one pitch invader who made it onto the field just long enough to show the world his dick and ass...