ranty-rants Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
They Ruined The Goddamn Bracket
I was ready for the 68-team field to fuck with the process of filling out a bracket for your NCAA office pool. But I didn't quite realize the extent of it until yesterday, when they unveiled just how this retarded new format will work....
The Real Villains Of The NFL Lockout: A Gentle Reminder
The current collective bargaining agreement between the NFL and its players union ends at 11:59 p.m. this evening. And whether or not there's an official lockout, or the union decertifies, or whatever other bargaining tactic is deployed, the business of football effectively ends tonight regardless....
Verizon Wireless Store Employees Are The Devil’s Afterbirth
Yesterday I had to go to a Verizon Wireless store to get the numbers from my old phone transferred over to a phone I had just purchased. (Not an iPhone. Fuck you for owning one, Mr. I Can Afford A Data Plan.) And after 15 minutes in that fucking store, I can now say, without hyperbole, that Verizon ...
Guns N' Peas Is Where The Trajectory Of Man Began Its Steady Decline
So the Black Eyed Peas covered "Sweet Child O Mine" at the Super Bowl last night, with Slash helping out on guitar. First of all, FUCK YOU SLASH. You just spent the last bit of goodwill you earned from NOT being Axl. Secondly, the journey to our eventual self-extinction has begun....
This Is Why The BCS Eats A Pile Of Shit
What a wonderful way to end the 2010 college football season. Oh, did I say "Wonderful"? Because I meant to say "underwhelming" and "fucking abysmal."...
Fuck You, Charlie Brown
I showed my kid the Charlie Brown Christmas special the other day and she was depressed for the rest of the week. Why are we still subjecting kids to this awful shit?...
Brett Favre Is A Bitch
I'm a Vikings fan, so I apologize in advance for any and all homerism contained within this rant. But my team lost last night because our QB is a fucking bitch....
How One Small DVR Improvement Screwed Up The Football-Watching Experience
No sport lends itself more readily to the splendors of digital video recording than football. And nobody suffered more than football fans when Comcast introduced a schoolmarmish new DVR feature: auto-correction for fast-forwarding....
Letter From An Aging Male Sportswriter: Ines Sainz, You Give Me An Erection
If the possibility of getting fired or divorced or nonexistent Spanish skills didn't stop me, I would write to Ines Sainz right now and profess my undying love for her....
NFL Network Adds Theismann To The Booth Because They’re Assholes
What the fuck, NFL? I was all excited for this upcoming NFL season, and then you go and add Joe fucking Theismann to the booth? FUCK. YOU....
LeBron James Is A Cocksucker
Tomorrow is the day LeBron James becomes the most unlikable person in the NBA, and perhaps all of American sports. I used to think he was okay a year ago. No more. He's the villain now....