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How To Cook Broccoli, On Purpose, And Enjoy It, Which Is Possible
Broccoli is good. No, it is! Good for you, sure, yes, high in fiber and vitamin C and some things called carotenoids that I'm pretty sure were the bad guys in The Fifth Element? But also they are supposed to have antioxidant properties, which means they make you immune to rust....
How To Cook A Bunch Of Good Food For The Super Bowl Party
So the Super™ Bowl® is here, and that means some sucker—maybe even you!—will be hosting a Super™ Bowl® party which they will feel weirdly obligated to refer to as a "Big Game" party, because the NFL likes to sue people for liking it. You will have to bring something to this shindig—especially if ...
How To Make Sausage And Peppers: A Guide For The Stir Crazy
This column originally ran on February 16, 2013. However, I've been laid up with strep throat for the past few days, so I'm resurrecting it, both because I haven't been able to cook at all this week, and also because this is what I will cook and eat as soon as I am able to swallow things again....
How To Roast Butternut Squash, Which Is Phallic And Fantastic
There's the versatility of, say, a boneless, skinless chicken breast—it tastes bland and uninteresting pretty much no matter what you do with it, so it "goes" with everything, like gustatory khaki—and then there's the versatility of the butternut squash, which is so outrageously goddamn good that yo...
How To Cook Lobster Tails, If You Don't Have A Butler To Do It For You
This column was originally published on January 26th, 2013....
How To Make Eggnog, The Festive Holiday Booze-Shake
In the abstract, the notion that some people don't want to drink eggnog makes sense: diabetics, say, or the lactose-intolerant or egg-allergic, or those principled self-denying oddballs who prefer not to replace their entire body mass gradually with dietary fat and cholesterol until they resemble ...
How To Sear Some White Fish, Now That You "Care" About Your "Health"
A recurring rite of adulthood, for the harried and haggard and sad, is feeling ugh so terrible all the time, I'm like a sweaty, gross walrus, it hurts when I do things and my chest makes sounds like a dehumidifier, bluhhhhhh, and making a half-assed resolution to start doin' the right things, damm...
How To Make Tuna-Bean Salad, Cheap Chow To Feel Good About
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner is friend of the program and pork belly enthusiast Miserable Shitehawk....
How To Stir-Fry Beef, The Most Harrowing And Wonderful Thing
The problem with stir-frying is the common perception that it's this simple, quick way of throwing together a good dinner. I don't really know what to make, and I'm running late getting home from work, so I guess I'll just whip up some stir-fry is the thought process that leads, inexorably, to the...
How To Roast Mushrooms: A Guide For Reformed Fraidycats
An opinion common to the children of America is that mushrooms are bad. They express this viewpoint with crinkled little noses and furrowed brows, picking mushrooms out of their food with chubby little fingers. "I don't wike these," they say. "They'we gwoss."...
Hey, Make Baked Ziti Today, Willya?
Hi friends! I'm off this weekend, so instead of a new Foodspin, down below you'll find the one we did a while back about baked ziti. This baked ziti is sooooooo good, full of cheese and meat and happiness, and this is a good time of year to make it. Please make it....
How To Make Fried Mozzarella, Instead Of Getting It At A Crummy Bar
It's a perverse testament to fried mozzarella's greatness that even in its shittiest incarnations, even when it's just battered and deep-fried sticks of rubbery Polly-O string cheese prepared and served at your local dire corporate chain eatery with all the care and enthusiasm of a wino tumbling d...
How To Braise A Big Chuck Roast, And Stave Off Scurvy, For Now
Living the life of a regular person—teetering indefinitely on the edge of total destitution, that is to say—you get familiar with the tension between the limits of your financial wherewithal and the ugh like totally selfish desire to not just eat pasta and plain rice and cereal all the time and get...
How To Make Roast Pork Tenderloin, The X-Rated Cut Of Meat
There's simply no way around it: The pork tenderloin is weird-lookin'. It's shaped—well, dammit, it's shaped like a big ol' penis. You unwrap it from the butcher paper and you step back and you go, damn, man, this pork tenderloin looks like a dong. Can I manipulate this giant dong? This seems ...
How To Make Chili, Instead Of Just Arguing About It All The Damn Time
Summer is over, pretty definitively: The mornings are cold and crisp and the leaves are beginning to change colors and the soupy yellow humidity-haze is gone from the air and there's Halloween shit on display in the grocery stores and, uh, like, also literally?—summer is actually over. It's autum...
How To Make Pasta With Leeks And Prosciutto, While There's Still Time
Oh shit, dinner is still A Thing. It exists. Disaster. This is you, creeping incrementally homeward in the transportation gridlock of your locale and mode of transit, flop-sweaty and wild-eyed like John Lithgow on the airplane, doing a frantic mental inventory of the nigh-barren refrigerator wa...
The Foodspin Archive
Here’s a complete archive of all the Saturday Foodspin columns, which we’ll update each time there’s a new one....
How To Make A Baked Egg--Yes, Goddammit, A <em>Baked</em> Egg
You say "baked egg" and people look at you like they're concerned for your wellbeing and go, "... baked egg?" And you go, "Yeah, y'know, like a shirred egg, only more Italian," and they go, "What in the damn hell is a 'shirred egg'?" And then you say, "Oh, goddammit, now I'm gonna have to write ...
How To Make Creamy Polenta, Which Puts The "Gruel" Back In "Grueling"
There's no way around it: Making real, from-scratch creamy polenta is a pain in the ass. Right from the jump: You have to find the right kind of cornmeal, and it's annoying; then you have to cook it for a long time, and that is also annoying; and god, what if you fuck it up, after all that, won't...
How To Grill A Skirt Steak, A Mere 11 Minutes Of Worthwhile Labor
Grilling skirt steak is the easiest, fastest way to get steak into multiple people at the same time. This makes it well suited to Labor Day's two traditions: the notion of a holiday from work, and the often contradictory practice of throwing a big exciting cookout on this day when you're supposed...