red Page 327 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
That Last Name Never Gets Easier To Spell
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Racist European Soccer Fans, Go Sit In A Corner
"A referee should first demand over the public address system that fans stop their racist behavior. If they fail to do so, the game should be suspended for five to 10 minutes, with teams sent to the locker rooms." [AP]...
Chicago Blackhawks To Lose The Next 12 Stanley Cup Finals
Marian Hossa (who is 30) just signed a 12-year contract with the Chicago Blackhawks, after allegedly turning down a 10-year deal from the Red Wings. This guy really knows how not to pick 'em. [NHL.com]...
It Appears Buxom Tennis Player Has Officially De-Racked Herself
SBB claims this is a picture of Simona Halep soon after her breast reduction surgery. Romania's long national nightmare is now over. [SBB]...
The Lightning's Draft Pick Really Does Read The Articles
Q: What's the last book you read? Viktor Hedman: "I don't want to say. The last one was Jenna Jameson, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star." Delightfully tacky, yet literately unrefined. [JoeBoltsFan]...
This Love Has Taken Its Toll On Me
Red Sox owner John Henry got married yesterday, and held his reception in Fenway's outfield, with the best guest list ever: Larry David, Ken Burns, Alan Dershowitz, the Farrelly Brothers, and Bud Selig. The live band: Maroon 5. [Boston Globe]...
Joey Votto: Not Gay, Just Having Terrible Anxiety Attacks
"The one night I was alone, the very first night I was alone, was when I went to the hospital. I couldn't take it. It just got to the point where I felt I was going to die, really." [Outsports/GraneyAndThePig/MLB.com]...
Wade Boggs Does Not Like Steroids In His Apple Pie
What do you get when you combine a 3,000-hit Hall Of Famer, apple pie, a bucket of Miller High Life, and a microphone? An epic anti-steroid rant from Wade Boggs. Stop cheating Americana, baby!...
ESPN Ombudsperson Of Significant Interest: Don Ohlmeyer
The quest to replace ESPN's Le Anne Schreiber as the WWL's ombudsperson might be near completion if stars align: Venerable sports producer and consummate BSD Don Ohlmeyer is rumored to be the lead candidate for the position, sourcepersons say....
Phil Jackson: Greatest Coach Ever or Luckiest Schlub Of All Time?
Phil Jackson now has more NBA titles than any coach in NBA history—so he's the best coach in NBA history, right? Or could a diaper-wearing monkey win six titles with Michael Jordan on his team? Fight!...
Don't Ask Marian Hossa For Stock Market Advice
The dogpile on Marian Hossa has been sufficient and thorough. The Wings beat Hossa's Penguins last year. Then the Penguins beat Hossa's Red Wings. Goat cheese....
Depressed Urban Zone Saved By Valiant Sports Team
All of Pittsburgh's troubles as a shrunken post-war manufacturing center are over now that the city has its third Stanley Cup championship and its second major sports title this year. Detroit, sadly, will be boarded up and shipped to Borneo....
NHL Season Just Might End Tonight
Here we are. Game 7. Should I spend the next few paragraphs trying to regurgitate as many clichés as I can about the finality of the ultimate do-or-die scenario or just show you a picture of Greg Ostertag on skates?...
Why Your Stadium Sucks: Wrigley Field
This is a new weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Chicago Cubs' Wrigley Field....
Nicklas Lidstrom's Busted Ballsack And Other Tales Of NHL Woe
If Detroit captain Nicklas Lidstrom looked a little sluggish at times during this Stanley Cup Finals, he has a very, very, very good excuse. He suffered a "nearly catastrophic" testicle injury in the Conference Finals. Now how do you feel?...
Now Batting Cleanup For Your Atlanta Braves: Barbaro
He is risen. Barbaro Canizares is his name. The Braves just called him up from Triple-A Gwinnett, and he's hitting behind Chipper Jones at this very moment. At the plate, he is, by all accounts, a stud....
NHL Did Not Rig The Stanley Cup Finals
Conspiracy theorists are apoplectic after learning that Red Wings' 2009 Stanley Cup Championship gear is already available for sale on the NHL website, but the cooler heads at Puck Daddy have already proven that the Penguins got the same treatment....
Free Fenway Tickets To The Person Who Loves America The Most
Do you want presumably good seats to a Red Sox game at Fenway? All you have to do is convince the son of a failed presidential candidate that you hate socialism—and maybe make a small donation!...
Please Do Not Leave Your House During Game Six
So here we are again ... one year after Pittsburgh lost a tough Game 6 clincher at home to Detroit, we're right back where we started. Only you have to watch tonight's version on your home TV, you ingrates....