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The One With Assorted Handsy Photos And Absurd Complaints
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

In Which We Drink In The Hilarious Naivete Of Red Sox Nation
Michael Schur (aka Ken Tremendous) is smarter and funnier than I'll ever be. That's why I was floored yesterday to see him post this on Twitter:...

Curt Schilling Talks To Curt Schilling About David Ortiz
Nothing really happens to the Red Sox until Curt Schilling says it happens, so the pitching maestro sat down with himself for an informative Q & A about how the David Ortiz situation affects Curt Schilling....

PapiGate, Straight From The Hub's Mouth
In the wake of today's David Ortiz revelations, Deadspin takes an schadenfreudian informative look at the reaction from the comment boards of Boston's newspapers. Let's witness the five stages of grief in one afternoon, plus plenty of trolling....

David Ortiz Has Your Comment Right Here
Down by two, bottom of the seventh ... three-run home run by Big Papi. Now what were you saying about 2003? [Video via NESN/MLB Network]...

Starred Commenter Theater: The Watermelonheads
Fans, wearing watermelons on their heads, watch the Rays-Blue Jays game in Toronto on Saturday. [Canadian Press/Associated Press via WSJ]...

Hawaii Coach Apologizes For Accusing Notre Dame Of Gayness During Dance Routine
Before last year's Hawaii Bowl, Notre Dame and Hawaii met for a pre-game banquet in which the Rainbows-turned-Warriors did the ha'a and the Fighting Irish performed a cheer, which Hawaii head coach Greg McMackin tastefully deemed "a little faggot dance."...

Clinton Portis Was Just Experimenting With His Hair Color, Not Dudes, Thank You
The intrepid Dan Steinberg is once again wandering around Redskins training camp and in his quest for gold, he struck oil instead by tapping the fertile mind of Clinton Portis about that Sisquo hairstyle he sported earlier this offseason....

David Ortiz, Manny Ramirez, Blood-Soaked Sock On 2003 Steroid List
Here we go ... Lawyers with "knowledge of the results" of MLB's 2003 steroid tests says that both Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz are among the players who tested positive for performance enhancing drugs....

Starred Commenter Theater: Water Polo Roughhousing
Show your open caption abilities, please. [A Hungarian water polo player, right, and his Serbian opponent in the quarterfinals of the world championships in Rome; image via European Pressphoto Agency via NYT]...

Japan Learns How To Lose From Notre Dame
Lou Holtz coached up the Fighting Irish and, afterward, a losing coach bemoaned a moral victory, so Saturday's college football exhibition was just like any other. Except Notre Dame won. And the game was in Japan....

Nate Montana Finds Better Football Situation Than Notre Dame
Joe Montana's son has seen Rudy. He knows how this works. First you go to junior college, THEN you try out for Notre Dame....

Red Sox Trading For Players They Don't Even Want
The Red Sox, in full panic mode and mistakenly believing they were allowed a 45-man roster, are now collecting baseball players the way most people collect baseball cards: They don't have the space or use for them....

Jeremy Mayfield Likes Fire, 'Splosions
We're not saying that Jeremy Mayfield's meth-fueled race car stepmom drama makes him (and his sport) look like some sort of redneck version of Hamlet….but this video of him blowing up gas cans doesn't help....

Report: Notre Dame Will Play Army At Yankee Stadium In History's Most Insufferable Football Game
Pat Forde's reporting that the Fighting Irish will take on the Black Knights in 2010 at Versailles-on-the-Harlem, reviving a longstanding New York tradition of Irish people fighting the Army that dates all the way back to the Draft Riots. [ESPN]...

David Beckham Plays Soccer Like Your Dad
Becks was "often behind the play and seemed winded" in his return to the L.A. Galaxy last night, in front of 22,000 Giants Stadium fans. The last time L.A. played at New York, it was 40,000. [AP]...

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Arturo Gatti Reported Killed In Brazil (Update)
Arturo "Thunder" Gatti, one of the most entertaining boxer of the decade, is being reported murdered in Brazil at the age of 37. Tracking, obviously. Sadly true. [Google Translator/CBC]...

Seperate But Equal Casual Racism
Made uncomfortable by Martellus Bennett's Black Olympics? Maybe the Summer Redneck Games are for you! They're being held today just off of Boatramp Road in East Dublin, Ga....

Now It's Time To Let Your Star Shine
So the new commenting system is live. Please hop to the bottom section and test it out. I'm sure there will be kinks, complaints, confusion and minor chaos. Feel free to contact bugs with the real boners....