rist Page 74 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Good News—Your Job Is Closed On Christmas

I just walked by a grocery store with a sign in the window saying they would be open until 6:30 p.m. on Christmas. Funny joke! If you’re an employee there, you should know that’s wrong—everything is closed on Christmas. ...

Hmmm, Yes, I Am Extremely Into This Game In Which 11,000 Penguins War With 4,000 Santas

Here we have a legitimately captivating video in which the makers of Epic Battle Simulator (video games are good) demonstrate what their game is capable of. This video is eight minutes long, and I watched the whole damn thing:...

I Bought A Fake Christmas Tree Because I’m Not A Deluded Simpleton

Before we get into the Funbag, some basic housecleaning: There will NOT be a Funbag next week. Go watch a movie, or take a road trip, or eat the entire caramel section of one of those big popcorn tins instead. I’ll be back in the New Year. Also, if Santa doesn’t get you The Hike for Christmas, tell ...

Christian McCaffrey, Leonard Fournette Wisely Choose To Skip Exhibition Games

Two of the nation’s top running backs will be on the sidelines come their respective bowl games, and they’re smart as hell for sitting. ...

D-II Snow Action!

Today’s Division II national championship game is being played in a snowstorm, which has stifled both the Northwest Missouri State and North Alabama offenses—but QB-turned-WR Randy Schmidt dug down deep to pull out this one-handed highlight reel....

A Definitive Ranking Of The 25 Best Holiday Songs Ever Recorded

Two years ago, we scientifically ranked every Christmas song. That remains a helpful reference, but it’s not a ranking of holiday song recordings. Here, then, is a ranking of the top 25 seasonal songs ever recorded, and it is not debatable because it is 100% accurate. (A Spotify playlist featuring m...

May This Philadelphia Opossum Bring You Holiday Cheer

This is Gary. Say hi to Gary. Merry Christmas Gary, you trashcat (his words, not mine, although I’d use the same words)....

Kristaps Porzingis Was Ready To Scrap

The Knicks took on the Suns last night, and despite losing this matchup of dysfunctional defenses, Kristaps Porzingis posted 34 points (including a perfect 4-of-4 from the arc), eight rebounds, three blocks, three steals, and the feistiest moment of his brief career. In the third quarter, Porzingis...

Big Strong Santa Will Get You Feeling Festive

You wanna see a guy who looks like Santa Claus deadlift 650 pounds while some EDM-inflected Christmas music plays in the background? Hell yeah you do!...

Shocker!

Christmas Watch: Right Now It's All About Christmas

It is almost Christmas time but what does it mean across America? Here is the news....

Report: Cristiano Ronaldo Will Win The Ballon d'Or

Spanish sports paper Mundo Deportivo has reportedly learned who will win the next Ballon d’Or about, a week before the scheduled official announcement. It’s a tad unfortunate that a reported leak of this magnitude came this year, because MD’s info says what everyone already knew: Cristiano Ronaldo w...

Report: Gronk Needs Back Surgery [Update]

New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski’s injury in Week 10's game against the Seahawks was more than the reported punctured lung. According to Vic Carucci of the Buffalo News, Gronkowski needs back surgery and will be out for a while....

King Kristaps Dunked On A Plumlee

The New York Knicks’ resident Big Boy Kristaps Porzingis got up this evening at Madison Square Garden and whooped some Plumlee ass....

Cristiano Ronaldo Gave A Truly Moving Speech After Winning Euro 2016

Literally nothing bad to say about this. Cristiano Ronaldo did a legitimately cool thing. I’m as shocked as you....

Ex-Player Fears James Rodríguez Has Become A Whiny Little Brat By Hanging Around Ronaldo

Cristiano Ronaldo is exalted for a great many reasons. He’s also reviled and/or ridiculed for a few others, like his arrogance, his lack of sportsmanship, and his self-centeredness. One retired Colombian player is worried that a compatriot of his, James Rodríguez, has picked up a few too many of Ron...

When Kristaps Porzingis Is Feeling Himself, Look The Fuck Out

If year one of the Kristaps Porzingis Experience was about promise, year two has been about swagger. The 7-foot-3 Latvian showed as a rookie that he belonged in the NBA, that he can fit in, that neither the pace of play nor the opposing talent were too much for him to handle. Early into his sophomor...

Gifts For Very Good Dogs

Dogs don’t really understand the concept of time, holidays, or seasonal gift giving, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make sure to let them know that they are very, very good pups....

Kristaps Porzingis's Swagger Is Undeniable

No piece of NBA ephemera has entertained me this season as much as Kristaps Porzingis showing off apparent tinges of a New York accent. ...

Trump's Transition Team Is Just Now Learning What A President Does

It’d be an understatement to say that Donald Trump isn’t exactly prepared for the task at hand. And we already know that he “didn’t want to jinx himself” with too much preparation pre-win. According to a source closely connected to the Trump transition team, though, the reality of the situation is w...