scream Page 109 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Yawn, Another Ronaldo Hat Trick
Ho hum. Cristiano Ronaldo and Real played Espanyol (who are two points above the relegation zone) at the Bernabéu, and would you believe it, they kicked the shit out of them. Ronaldo had a hat trick and James was pinging in dangerous balls over the top all game. Here’s the best Ronaldo goal....
John Terry, Clearly Terrified Of Matt Miazga, Is Leaving Chelsea
John Terry is jumping ship from Chelsea this summer after his contract is up. He told reporters after Chelsea’s win over MK Dons in the FA Cup that he’d be taking off from the club he’d been a part of since 1995. Here’s what he said, as transcribed by the BBC:...
46-Year-Old Goalkeeping Coach Forced To Play, Holds Opponents Scoreless
Barry Richardson has enjoyed a long, meandering career as a goalkeeper across the English soccer pyramid. He played most of his career for Lincoln City and Northampton Town in the early and mid-90's, and hasn’t played a league game since 2002 or any game since 2005. Richardson signed on with League ...
Greek Teams Protest EU's Response To Migrant Crisis By Staging On-Pitch Sit-In
A match today in Greece’s second division between AEL Larissa and Acharnaikos began with all players, coaches, and referees sitting down on the pitch for two minutes in protest of European governments’ handling of the migrant crisis. Here is AEL’s prepared statement explaining the gesture, from Reut...
Police: MLS Player And Miss Washington USA Involved In Bizarre Stabbing Incident
A couple weeks ago, news came out about the mysterious stabbing of Marco Pappa, an MLS player, in his Seattle apartment where he was accompanied by Stormy Keffeler, the recently crowned Miss Washington USA. Details were scant at the time, but TMZ has learned more, and the specifics are wild....
Now That Chelsea's Season Is Dead, They Can Focus On Ruining Everyone Else's
The most satisfying moment during José Mourinho’s all-too-short second stint as Chelsea manager had to be after the final whistle of the final league match last season, when everyone at the club finally got to sing and dance alongside the Premier League trophy they’d won in such commanding fashion. ...
Manager Of Mexican National Team Tells Players To Stay Away From MLS
Jürgen Klinsmann has gotten shit over the years for failing to cheerlead for MLS. He has called for the league to get better, and for his players to challenge themselves at the highest levels of the sport. To some, this is evidence not of Klinsmann’s ability to recognize the obvious, but of some sor...
Young American Stud Matt Miazga Set To Join Chelsea And Become New King Of English Soccer
Hell yeah, now this is more like it! While it was understandable if disappointing (and disappointing exactly because it was understandable) that Jordan Morris skipped out on the chance to take his talents to the Bundesliga and instead decided to start his pro career in MLS, we are not without hope t...
Here’s Landon Donovan’s Nipple And Also The <i>Game Of Thrones</i>-Ass Name He Picked For His Son
Hey, Landon Donovan has spawned!...
Real Madrid Are Still Humping The Story That Ronaldo Cost More Than Bale
Of all of Cristiano Ronaldo’s various behavioral quirks, which have brought us so many laughs over the years, one of the funniest and most puzzling is his curious attachment to being the most expensive player alive. When he first came to Real Madrid, the club paid what was then a world record transf...
Don’t Look Now, But China’s Buying Up A Lot Of Good Players
While the stupid money Tianjin Quanjian threw around in hopes of luring Alexandre Pato to China’s second division were shocking enough, they weren’t actually all that much of an outlier. China’s soccer teams have quietly been vacuuming up talent at exorbitant costs for a while now, and with a raft o...
Cristiano Ronaldo Should Probably Stop Hitting People
Hey, Cristiano, how’s it going? Good? That’s good to hear. I didn’t want anything, just checking in. Saw yesterday’s game. Kind of a bummer, drawing like that against Real Betis. Yeah, they should’ve given you a penalty, I agree. While on the topic of the game though, what happened with you and Fran...
Real-Life Wellington Silva Plays Soccer Like He's In A Video Game
Wellington Silva has been an intriguing prospect in the Arsenal system for years now, as fans tracked his growth, hoping the young Brazilian could one day turn into a stud. Well, he’s 23 years old now, and yet again out on loan—this time at Bolton in England’s second division—but holy shit if he isn...
Young Child Who Gets The Living God Nutmegged Out Of Him Must Now Quit, Learn Viola
Generally speaking, youth sports are about fun and fitness and finding a bit of self-worth in a big, strange world, and perhaps—perhaps—discovering an activity that makes you Feel Something. But generally speaking—generally speaking—the stakes ain’t that high, and they’re not supposed to be....
Stoke Defender Might Want To Retire After What Riyad Mahrez Did To Him
Like, Philipp Wollscheid at least should probably change his name after this. The elastico itself was disgusting, but that Riyad Mahrez flicked it through the poor defender’s legs, and that Wollscheid just stood their frozen, eyes cast downward looking like a child inspecting the damage after he’d j...
Boca Juniors And River Plate Combine For Five Red Cards, Nine Yellows, And One Brawl In A Friendly
There’s no such thing as a friendly between Boca Juniors and River Plate. Every Superclásico is an opportunity for the bitter crosstown rivals to humiliate the other, and yesterday’s match was no different. Boca had three players sent off with direct red cards, and River lost two. ...
Jordan Morris Joining MLS Is A Good Thing, For Now
It took a rule change, a tense few days worrying whether he’d make his professional career announcement wearing a different shade of green, and probably more than a little soul-searching, but MLS has landed its man. Jordan Morris has officially signed with the Seattle Sounders after rejecting an off...
Maurizio Sarri Gets Off Pretty Light After Calling Roberto Mancini A "Faggot"
Napoli manager Maurizio Sarri probably feels lucky today. Days after calling Inter manager Roberto Mancini a “faggot” during a game, the Italian soccer federation has fined him €20,000 and given him a two-match Coppa Italia suspension. It could’ve been a lot worse....
Premier League Dominates Ranking Of World's Richest Soccer Clubs
Everyone knows that the Premier League is the money-gettingest league in the world, but it’s always helpful to see that laid out in stark detail. Thankfully, we have the new Deloitte Football Money League report, which ranks the world’s clubs by revenue, to do that for us. Sure enough, the EPL is he...