scream Page 137 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sepp Blatter Shocked, Shocked To Find That Bribery Is Going On In Here
In a statement released just now, FIFA president Sepp Blatter wants you to know that he’s just as concerned as you are about corruption in his organization. Corruption which comes as a complete surprise to him, and which he totally has nothing to do with....
IRS Goober Hits FIFA With A Tasty Burn
There were a lot of important things to discuss at today’s Department of Justice press conference about the corruption charges being brought against FIFA, but let’s worry about that stuff later. For now, we can focus on this dude from the IRS, who stepped up to the podium and unleashed hell:...
Anti-Corruption NGO Calls For Sepp Blatter To Resign
Sepp Blatter was not among those FIFA officials arrested in Zurich this morning; we do not know if he is among those under investigation for World Cup bribery allegations. But in a statement, a group that monitors corporate, political, and organizational corruption around the globe called for Blatte...
Reports: Justice Department Brings The Goddamn Hammer Down On FIFA
According to reports in both the Wall Street Journal ($) and New York Times, a number of FIFA officials were just arrested in Zurich, Switzerland, and according to the Times are expected to be extradited to the United States where they will face charges of “wire fraud, racketeering and money launder...
José Mourinho Burns Premier League Rivals In Funny Award Speech
Nobody does smug satisfaction better than this guy. Even if this was obviously written by someone else, it’s that textbook José Mourinho delivery that makes it all worthwhile....
Carlo Ancelotti Is Real Madrid's Newest Scapegoat
It’s maybe a little disconcerting that Real Madrid—a players’ club if there ever was one; one where the 8th-biggest name on the team sheet likely holds more sway in the future direction of the club than any of the ever-changing coaches thrown aboard then unceremoniously shoved off the managerial mer...
Soccer In Argentina Suspended Again After Another Player Dies
Just weeks after the passing of Emanuel Ortega from an injury suffered on the field of play, Argentina is again mourning the loss of a player. Cristián Gómez, of Atlético Paraná, died this weekend of cardiac arrest after collapsing in the middle of a game....
Chinese Goalie Sips From A Refreshing Bottle Of Water, Gets Scored On
OY, HEAD ON A SWIVEL, MATE! KEEP ALERT AT ALL TIMES! Here’s video of Chinese Super League keeper Sui Weijie’s career low:...
Real Madrid Fires Carlo Ancelotti After Two Seasons
Real Madrid told manager Carlo Ancelotti he won’t be back with the team next season, club president Florentino Perez announced Monday. ...
Dumb People Upset Championship Sunday Is Pre-Empting Their Reruns
Among the great things NBC has done since acquiring the Premiership rights in the U.S. is to air all ten matches of the final day of the season on the broad spectrum of NBC Universal-owned networks. That includes Syfy, Esquire, Oxygen, Bravo, and other networks that are usually airing some kind of g...
Horrible, No-Good Keeper Sends Flying, Cleats-First Kick Into Ref's Back
A yellow? You’re going to try to embed your cleats into this unsuspecting referee’s vertebrae for a measly yellow card? The world’s a cold, cold place....
Portuguese Soccer Fan Beaten By Police In Front Of His Son And Father
This weekend, Benfica fan José Magalhães attended an away match against Vitória Guimarães with his son and father. Outside of the stadium, he was thrown to the ground and repeatedly hit by a nightstick before being arrested by police. While the police allege he behaved in an unruly fashion, Magalhãe...
Team-Wide Meltdown Ends With Manager, 4 Players Red-Carded In 5 Minutes
Okay, you’re losing, and it’s at home, and maybe you feel the first straight red shown to one of your players was harsh, but Jesus, guys, get ahold of yourselves....
Report: Marketing Firm Owns Rights To Select Brazil National Team Squad
It probably doesn’t surprise anyone to know that Brazil’s corrupt soccer federation engaged in corrupt behavior, but these newly released documents are pretty alarming. According to Brazilian paper Estadão, the federation sold all sorts of the Seleção’s economic rights to a marketing firm, including...
Cristiano Ronaldo Scoffs At Championship, Exults In His Own Ronaldoness
For pretty much everyone involved or invested in La Liga, the biggest opportunity on offer during yesterday’s penultimate match day of the season was, seemingly, for Barcelona to wrap up the league title by beating Atlético. Cristiano Ronaldo, though, had his eyes on a larger prize. While Barcelona ...
Bored Dummy Cesc Fàbregas Kicks Ball Into West Brom Player's Head
C’mon, Cesc. If you’re gonna pick a fight with someone, you gotta get up in his face. Don’t sit back and kick the ball at him like a little turd. (That being said, good aim, though.)...
More Journalists Arrested While Covering Labor Conditions In Qatar
Just like those Germans a couple weeks ago, a crew of British journalists investigating the living and working conditions of the laborers tasked with constructing the (really cool!) infrastructure for the 2022 World Cup in Qatar were arrested, had their property confiscated, and were forbidden from ...
Stadium Lied To; Fans, Players Cheer Title They Didn't Win
Strap yourselves in, because this story is batshit....
Banned Manager Hires Cherry-Picker To Let Him Watch Match
Hamit Işık is banned from entering his team’s stadium for the next nine months, but that didn’t keep the Çorum Belediyespor manager from keeping an eye on his team’s playoff game. The Turkish league skipper is suspended for a recent interaction with a referee, and the stadium itself was closed to fa...
All Pro Soccer In Argentina Suspended After Player Shoved Into Wall Dies
Emanuel Ortega, the player who was hospitalized after getting pushed into a wall, has died from his injuries. In light of this, the Asociación del Fútbol Argentino has suspended play in all divisions throughout the country....