scream Page 89 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Renato Sanches Is Super Cute And Super Good
Yesterday’s Portugal-Poland match started in surprisingly auspicious fashion, considering it was a match between two teams with only a passing interest in doing anything fun or exciting in an effort to go out and win. Poland’s Robert Lewandowski scored the game’s first goal less than two minutes aft...
Alexis Sanchez's Ankle Injury Is Pretty Gruesome-Looking
Alexis Sanchez had to leave the Copa America final before the penalty shootout on account of Gabriel Mercado caught him with a nasty tackle that left him unable to play past the 104th minute. Chile won anyway, thanks to Messi’s chokejob, but Alexis’ ankle has ballooned up and it looks like the podia...
Zlatan Ibrahimović Finally Confirms That He's Going To Manchester United
In an announcement shocking nobody, Zlatan Ibrahimović confirmed today that he will in fact be rejoining his old boss José Mourinho at Manchester United next season....
Shanghai SIPG Just Made Hulk One Of The Highest-Earning Soccer Players In The World
Lest you thought the last winter transfer window—in which a series of Chinese clubs proceeded to obliterate our understanding of and expectations for the international transfer market—was a fluke, here come Shanghai SIPG breaking records once again by dropping an unreal amount of money for Brazilian...
Nearly Every Single TV In Iceland Had The Iceland-England Game On<em></em>
If I were Icelandic, I’d do just about everything in my power to get myself in front of a TV whenever my sweet boys in blue suited up during this miraculous Euro 2016 run of theirs. Apparently, actual Icelanders feel the same way, as almost literally every TV in the country was tuned in for Iceland’...
There Is So Much Going On In This GIF Of Soccer Fans Dancing Their Hearts Out
The following GIF of a section of Real Salt Lake fans hamming it up for the camera can only be fully appreciated the way you appreciate a Tati movie: after repeated viewings, with your eyes drinking in as much of the frame-suffusing action as possible:...
Northern Ireland Fans Give Hero's Reception To Guy Who Played Zero Minutes In Euro 2016
Northern Ireland fans welcomed their boys back from their successful Euro 2016 run with a huge homecoming reception in Belfast today. While undoubtedly grateful to each of the 23 players who made up the squad that surprised everyone by making it out of the group stage, and especially to the 18 guys ...
English Commentator's Heart Breaks In Real-Time When He Sees Iceland Score On England
Former England manager Steve McClaren had the misfortune of commentating on his country’s humiliating loss against Iceland for Sky Sports yesterday. Watch as he goes from desperately projected confidence to utter despair in about three seconds, and chuckle to yourself about England’s unceasing failu...
Iceland's Slow Clap Is The Best Thing At Euro 2016
By now you are entirely on board with Iceland, the most surprising, most exciting, most likable team at the European Championship. More Jörmungandr than minnow, Iceland is still undefeated and has now dispatched Austria and England in consecutive matches....
Harry Kane's Futile Free Kick Against Iceland Gets The Roasting It Deserves
Straight up sports and pop culture mashups are usually bad. But occasionally, they are silly enough to work, like this one, in which Harry Kane’s wayward free kick in England’s pantsing by Iceland gets the Titanic-themed dramatization it deserves....
Iceland Players Earn Spot In Valhalla By Toppling England
The ancients foretold the coming of Ragnarök, the great battle of men and gods that would take the lives of countless figures both small and great, culminating in the destruction of the world as we know it today. A select few fallen warriors, hand-picked by Odin himself, would, upon their deaths aft...
Italy Just Ran Over Spain
It says something about the outrageous quantity of quality Spain have that even late on in a match in which they had been thoroughly dominated by a famously talent-poor Italian team, it still felt like they’d somehow snatch an equalizer and at least force extra time. Instead, Italy continued pressin...
Iceland Striker's Mighty Foot, Imbued With Power Of Odin's Spear, Puts Team Up 2-1 On England
The Viking warriors that make up the Iceland national team are in the fight of their lives right now, trying to take down England as huge underdogs. England went up early with a Wayne Rooney penalty, but Iceland leveled almost immediately through Ragnar Sigurdsson, before Kolbeinn Sigthorsson’s cool...
God Fucking Dammit, Gonzalo Higuaín
At this point, it’s pretty hard to dismiss out of hand the notion that Gonzalo Higuaín—unquestionably one of the best forwards in the sport, fresh off a historically great season—might be a sleeper agent embedded in the Argentine national team for the express purpose of bringing the team, the countr...
Why Lionel Messi's "Retirement" Is Probably Just A Threat
It might have been merely frustration: Three straight years of making international finals, three straight finals losses in extra time or on penalties. Or it might have been the last night of Argentina as we know it....
Lionel Messi Says He Is Quitting International Play: "The National Team Is Over For Me"
Lionel Messi told TV reporters after Argentina’s Copa América final loss to Chile that it would be his final appearance for his nation, retiring from international play due to what sounds like his frustration at the inability to ever lead his squad to a trophy....
Spain International Nolito Has The Best Brexit Take
So yeah, Brexit! What a thing, right? So crazy, that Brexit. Can’t believe it, uh, went down. I definitely understood before last night the stakes and nuances of the Brexit—of course I did, I am after all a learned individual and a conscientious member of the global community, duh—but if you need a ...
Hater-Ass Diego Maradona Is Lowkey Shit-Talking Argentina's National Team Again
Argentina, you may remember, just Hulk-smashed the USMNT in the Copa América Centenario earlier this week to earn a spot in the Copa final—the third consecutive tournament title match the Albiceleste have competed in. Understandably, someone asked former Argentina great and current waterlogged greml...
Jamie Vardy Snubs Arsenal, Agrees To New Contract With Leicester
So, remember just a couple weeks ago when Arsenal set the summer transfer rumor mill ablaze with their uncharacteristic, win-now bid for Leicester City’s Jamie Vardy, which threatened to seismically alter the Premier League landscape? Well, Vardy just killed all that today....
Idiot On The Field Leads Slapstick Chase Through Copa America Match, Eventually Gets Bodyslammed
Chile vs. Colombia was exciting during the first half, nonexistent for the next two hours, then soggy and boring for the second half. Thankfully, stoppage time featured an amazing moment in Idiot On The Field history, as this enterprising dumbass managed to escape a sizable horde of the security tea...