si Page 746 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Messi Back To Scoring Ridiculous Goals, Bringing Ray Hudson To Orgasm
While Barcelona fell short of seizing La Liga today—they needed a win, and only got a draw, at Atletico Bilbao—it's hard to argue any viewer didn't get their money's worth when Lionel Messi danced amongst defenders in a demonstration of ball control that reminds anyone who might have forgotten that...
NFL Draft Prospect Tells Cop He Owns The Town; Cop Arrests Him
Today is "Tharold Simon Day" in Eunice, La., the hometown of former LSU cornerback Tharold Simon, who's expected to be picked in the middle rounds of this weekend's NFL draft. Simon apparently thought that made him above the law. A Eunice cop didn't quite see it that way....
How Will A Meniscus Tear Affect Russell Westbrook?
We learned today that Oklahoma City's Russell Westbrook will undergo surgery for a torn lateral meniscus in his right knee. This is great news for Western Conference hopefuls and bad news for anyone who loves basketball: We still don't know how long he'll be out, and the NBA playoffs without Westbro...
"Stand Up, Asshole!"
It's tough to tell if a fight actually broke out during the draft tonight, but somebody definitely called somebody else an asshole in close proximity to someone yelling out something about the Jets....
OK, The NFL Draft Has Gone Too Far
This is currently happening outside Radio City Music Hall, where the NFL draft will be starting shortly. These guys are carrying stupid football hats in glass cases like each one of them is the fucking Hope Diamond, and that is just so stupid. Just look at them, smugly posing for photos and walking ...
NFL Net Anchor Says He Is Bad At Math, Then Makes Horrible Math Error
Today, draft day, is, we trust, a busy day at the NFL Network. No time for lots of things. But no time for math?...
This Hockey Brawl Featured Four Goalies Fighting Each Other
If a goalie fight is hockey's Holy Grail, this is drinking unicorn blood out of the Holy Grail while doing 90 in a Camaro Z28....
Prankster Gets NFL Draft Attendees To Lie About Liking Fake Players
Jimmy Kimmel set the standard for shaming clueless liars when he sent a reporter to Coachella to ask people to talk about completely made-up bands, but this sports-themed version of the same prank comes mighty close to matching its ingenuity. ...
Pete Dexter: A Writer Who Makes Writers Want To Give Up
Pete Dexter was a columnist at the Philadelphia Daily News for close to ten years, from the late Seventies through the mid-Eighties. He wasn't just any old columnist but one of the most original we've ever had. His columns often read like short stories so it's no surprise that he went on to write no...
A.J. "Fuckin' Shit" Clemente Gets Pep Talk From News Legend Tom Brokaw
A.J. Clemente, whose first day at the anchor desk of Bismarck NBC affiliate KFYR became his last after being fired for opening the show with "Fuckin' Shit," made the rounds at NBC this morning and even earned a pep talk from one one of the biggest figures in broadcast news: Tom Brokaw....
True Hero Holds Up "Massive Dumps" Sign At Orioles Game
It doesn't make any sense, but it's wonderful....
The Heart of the Matter
Over at The Neiman Storyboard, Don Van Natta Jr. explains why Bill Nack's beautiful story, "Pure Gold" is so damn good. ...
Carmelo Anthony Is Going To Be A Luxury Timepiece Columnist
Sure, why not? I mean, I don't know what kind of person is going to buy a magazine dedicated to covering luxury watches, but I imagine that it is the same kind of person who would enjoy getting their coverage of luxury watches from Carmelo Anthony. ...
College Athlete Ends Career To Donate Bone Marrow To Man With Leukemia
Cameron Lyle is a senior at the University of New Hampshire and a member of the track and field team, focusing primarily on the shot put. In his sophomore year, the team encouraged players to join the bone marrow registry and Lyle signed up and got his mouth swabbed....
Delaware Police Finally Track Down Man Wanted For 16 Naked Incidents
"Naked incidents" sounds pretty weird, right? And 16 of them seems like kind of a lot, yes? Questions for another day, I'm afraid. We've got more important things to talk about....
Good News, Thunder Fans Have A New Fight Song To Sing While Shirtless
Nice song, Mathias in Southern California. Nice pecs, too. Keep doing you. ...
Robin van Persie's Wondergoal Likely Delivered Man United An EPL Title
Yes, he was offside. Yes, it was against hapless Aston Villa, who ought to be down at least 4-0 already. But Robin van Persie's golazo today in the match Manchester United needs to clinch their 20th league title is remarkable under any conditions....
Brand New TV News Anchor's First Words On-Air: "Fuckin' Shit!"
Tonight was A.J. Clemente's first night at the anchor desk for Bismarck NBC affiliate KFYR. Things did not go well for A.J....
Here's The Wheelchair Collision From The London Marathon
We told you earlier today about the accident at the London Marathon early Sunday morning between an olympic champion and a wheelchair racer. Now we have video....
Rain Makes Everything More Dramatic: Recovering Fatass Soundtrack
A weekly look at the iPod of a regular dude trying to run himself out of an early grave....