side Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's China Losing Its Olympic Men's Soccer Bid On A Blown Call (Which Was Followed By A Humiliating Collapse)
Regrettably, the Chinese men's soccer team will not have a chance to follow up its 2008 Olympics performance—six goals against, one goal for, two red cards, one vicious episode of crotch-punching—with an appearance in London in 2012. The People's Republic was eliminated from the Asian Olympic qual...

This Is What It Sounds Like When Bob Ley Raps
On Outside the Lines today, Bob Ley found cause to recite a few bars from Jay-Z's DeShawn Stevenson dis track "Blow the Whistle," which Hova recorded during the hilarious LeBron & Jay-Z vs. DeShawn & Soulja Boy feud a few years back. There was little reason to expect that when James said that resp...

Alabama Football Player Found Dead; <em>ESPN Insider</em> Has The Story On Which Player Can Best Replace Him
The University of Alabama has confirmed that Aaron Douglas, an offensive lineman, was found dead in Florida this morning. There are no more details regarding the nature of his death, but ESPN Insider's Albert Lin is ahead of the news in some awful way: earlier this afternoon, the "Rumor Central" wri...

The Bizarre Cult Of Pro-Owner NFL Fanboys
Here's a tidy summation of how we've managed to get to where we are with the NFL lockout. A few years ago, the players and owners agreed to a new CBA, with only Ralph Wilson and Mike Brown voting against the agreement, in Wilson's case because he's old and easily confused by things....

Pro Wrestling Insider Host Goes All Berzerker About Ric Flair's "Man Tits" And More
You probably need to be a fellow rasslin' aficionado to smell what SportsTalkNetwork.com's Paul Belfi was cooking in his studio with some bald sidekick who would, in fact, "wrestle a pound of salami." But, you don't need to be a rasslin' aficionado to respect the passion that leads Belfi to ask fo...

Sideline Reporter Looks Accustomed To Getting Pummeled In The Head With Soccer Balls
We're just as impressed with the aim of the player on the field as we are with this fellow's easy return to reporting....

Listen To Deadspin's Emma Carmichael on NPR's "All Things Considered"
Deadspin's Emma Carmichael joined NPR's All Things Considered on April 17, 2011 to talk about the impact robo reporters have on sports reporting. Listen here....

Matt Cooke Is Suspended 10 Games And The First Playoff Round For His Latest Cheap Shot
It's been just over a month since Matt Cooke's last suspension, so of course he's due for a headshot like this one, which he delivered to Ryan McDonagh in a 5-2 loss to the Rangers last night. Cooke is suspended for the remainder of the season (10 games) and for the first round of the Stanley Cup ...

LeBron James Turned The Atlanta Hawks Into The Cleveland Cavaliers For 12 Minutes
Your morning roundup for March 19, the day after it became wise to snatch a few domain names ending in ".xxx"....

One Thing I Think I Think: Peter King Is The Latest In A Long Line Of Management Stooges
First there was that epic profile of Roger Goodell, which was 6,000 words of Peter King trying to stuff some brains and character into an empty suit. Then there was this item the other day. I know it's CBA season, and I can only imagine how difficult and disorienting it must be for football writers ...

Two Minutes Of Matt Cooke Cheap Shots
He's the kind of player you love if he's on your team. But for the fans of the 29 other fanbases, here's a highlight reel of Cooke's greatest hits to peruse while he sits out the next four games....

Jack LaLanne Tried To Kill His Brother With An Ax, And Other Fond Memories
Occasionally, we'll select stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that we urge you to read for one reason or another. Today: the late Jack LaLanne, fitness televangelist....

Should NFL Teams Start Overtime With An Onside Kick?
Brian Burke's calculator says yes. [Slate]...

Gilbert Arenas Opens Up About Crapping In People's Shoes
In January, in a Gilbert Arenas feature for the Washington Post, Mike Wise and Michael Lee casually noted that Gil, a renowned locker room prankster, "once defecated in teammate Andray Blatche's shoe." It's brushed over pretty quickly and the article moves on....

Bleacher Report Editors Demand Bleacher Report Writers Be Less Retarded
If you are one of those unlucky sports fans who has to slog through Bleacher Report's Google-raping SEO "stories" when you do a general news search for a topic about an athlete, team, or topseventeensidelinereportersthechileancoalminersshouldhavesexwith, this is great news....

Blinded To The Other "Blind Sides"
There are dozens, if not hundreds of cases of white families taking in black athletes. Why don't their stories capture the imagination like Michael Lewis's tome did? America's Sweetheart Sandra Bullock, duh. [Slate]...

Letter Chiding Baylor Students For Clogging Plumbing System With Semen Is Too Good To Be True, Alas
According to an anonymous tipster, the residence halls at Baylor were recently clogged with semen, leading to this desperate plea from one residence hall's director. Sadly, it's a fake, as our brief conversation with the hilariously put-upon director confirmed....

Let's Talk About Sex, Ines Sainz, And The Sideline
The Jets harassed a female reporter during practice. According to another female reporter who was there, it was the natural outcome of an eye candy "journalist," and a bunch of overgrown young men, filled with testosterone and not much sense....

Introducing Your Temporary Funbag Replacement: The Boring Bag
Drew's on vacation, but it's Tuesday and we need a mailbag. So instead of a Funbag, how about a Boring Bag? Today's topics: sidewalks, yawn-inducing numbers, a fish that is fast, and so much more....

When Isn't Plagiarism Plagiarism? When Is It?
The latest kerfuffle in the newspaper-stole-info-from-a-blog-it-didn't-credit war pits SB Nation's "Pension Plan Puppets" vs. the Toronto Sun....