soccer Page 239 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
War Criminal To Advise FIFA On Compliance
Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, newly re-installed FIFA dictator Sepp Blatter has announced that that avatar of moral probity, Henry Kissinger, will advise FIFA's new corporate governance and compliance body from his seat on a "committee of wise persons."...
This Story About Rigged Italian Soccer Astoundingly Has Nothing To Do With Sepp Blatter
Sixteen people—including current Serie B/C and former Serie A players, including ex-Lazio captain Giuseppe Signori—were arrested today related to fishy results throughout Italy's leagues. We suppose this thing is a bit more common in Europe than it is here, but wow. This is the biggest match-fixing ...
FIFA's Version Of Democracy Captured In A Single Photo
I'm sure all of you will be clustered around the internet wire today as the exciting results of FIFA's hotly contested presidential race trickle in. Early exit polls reveal that voters are evenly split between Sepp Blatter and Sepp Blatter, but you never know which way the suburbs of Prague will go....
The Worst Soccer Miss Since The Last Worst Soccer Miss Of All Time
There is an understandable tendency, here and elsewhere, to call soccer misses such as this the "worst of all time." But by its very nature, any open net miss immediately trumps the former open net miss as the worst miss of all time. They're all, in their own unique ways, exceedingly awful. So we'...
Watch Marco Materazzi Dump A Giant Bucket Of Water On Soccer Analyst After Winning Italian Cup
Materazzi, you'll remember, is most famous for being on the receiving end of Zinedine Zidane's headbutt in the 2006 World Cup. (They've reconciled recently!)...
To Minnesota Weatherman, A Tornado Warning Was More Important Than Angry Calls From Soccer Fans
Here's what tipster B. Hurley sent in to explain why soccer fans in the Greater Twin Cities region are so pissed off at their local Fox affiliate's "meteorologist" for interfering with the UEFA Champions League final yesterday:...
FC Barcelona Proved They Were The Best Team In All Of Professional Sports Yesterday
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day Roger Ebert inexplicably gave two thumbs down to those who blatantly allowed two eyes to check out two foreign boobs....
Hockey Player Misses Five Minutes Of Game Time With Broken Face, Returns In Time For Season-Losing Goal
Your morning roundup for May 29, the day after death told the world that the puffy-faced Grandma Bandit was actually a man....
Breaking: FIFA Member Not Suspected Of Corruption
Fans and executives around the world today were shocked to learn that Senes Erzik, a member of FIFA's Executive Committee , has not been mentioned in conjunction with any bribery allegations regarding the upcoming vote for FIFA President....
A Video Compilation Of Silly Tribute Songs To Man U Striker Chicharito
In advance of the Champions League final tomorrow between Manchester United and Barcelona, here's an amusing video about Javier "Chicharito" Hernandez, the dynamic Mexican striker who's been a vital part of Man U's success this year. Hay salsa. Hay rap. Hay awesomeness at 02:20. Make sure you get ...
After Hooligan Runs On Pitch And Punches Goalie, Hooligan's Parents Worry About Vigilante Justice
Ever since their 18-year-old son stormed the pitch during a Malmö and Helsingborg match Tuesday because he was "pissed off" enough to attack goalkeeper Pär Hansson, a pair of Swedish parents have fielded quite a few threats. So, they wrote an open letter to the local paper. Their message?...
More Bad Madness On The Sepp Blatter Campaign Trail
A week before FIFA's presidential elections, another evil-smelling troll has escaped from the basement of Sepp Blatter's Swiss chalet. The current source of horror: Mohamed bin Hammam, Blatter's rival in the elections, was charged yesterday with offering bribes to members of the Caribbean Football U...
Phillies Infielder Throws 10-Pitch 19th Inning To Close Out Joey Votto And The Reds
Your morning roundup for May 26, the day after Disney realized that it probably wasn't the best of ideas to trademark American heroes for profit....
When They Came For Argentine Soccer Fans With Hoses, The Fans Fought Back With Umbrellas
Despite uploader daniel1512020's admission that this video from Sunday's Huracan vs. Estudiante match is "horrible el audio," what's important is el visual. It seems as if rioting prompted officials to call the game after 32 minutes with Estudiante winning the Primera Division game 2-0. This is a ...
David Beckham Secures A Post-Soccer Future In Field Security With This Fan Takedown
English soccer clubs sometimes play "testimonials," in which they bring back their older stars for a friendly match of former rivals. Like parades or bowling parties, it's a nice way to make the old folk feel appreciated for still being around. Yesterday, with Man United playing Juventus in the Ga...
Watch This 13-Year-Old Score A Rooneyesque Bicycle Kick Goal
Que golazo by this adolescent from the Civitans Bengals in Arlington, Virginia. I grew up in Arlington playing soccer and not hitting bicycle kicks like this. Note the kids on the other team putting hands to head, utterly demoralized. That's what a chilena will do for you. It's like 20 slam dunks ...
Why Coaches Rarely Show Players How They Really Feel
Your morning roundup for May 24, the day we masturbated in Row 18 on the flight to Denver. Photo of Tottenham's Harry Redknapp's motivational techniques from the Guardian's year in soccer photos. H/t Michael T....
Cash-Filled Envelopes And Other Peculiars From Sepp Blatter's Reelection Campaign
It's hard to keep track of the political gyrations at FIFA these days, especially with president and Swiss money-eel Sepp Blatter running for reelection. Corruption charges have been flying since former FA head and England's 2018 World Cup campaign chairman Lord Triesman told the British Parliament ...
Goal Celebration Goes Horribly Awry With A Commemorative Sliding Kick To The Face
In a match against Sun Hei in the Hong Kong FA Cup about a week ago, a South China player tried to share a goal celebration with his teammate, and instead broke his nose. Yet another reason that everyone should just stick to the Bernie....
Watch ESPN's Doris Burke Flub Her Lines About Oklahoma City Arena
Your morning roundup for May 22, the day some people in North Carolina started taking Pirates of the Caribbean too literally, but not in a cool swashbuckling way or anything....