soccer Page 299 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This, Of Course, Means You Can't Use Your Hands In Heaven
It's actually kind of surprising we haven't heard of this before, though if it were to happen, it was obviously going to be soccer. The Reading soccer club of England can now buy an officially licensed coffin. The coffin weighs 500 pounds and is a "blue and white striped coffin adorned with the c...
Governor Fights Anti-Freedom Soccer Officials
You know, we liked New Jersey more when its governor did it with dudes. Apparently, current governor Richard Codey is furious that the National Anthem was not played before the England-Colombia soccer game at the Meadowlands earlier this week. "I was shocked, absolutely shocked," Codey blared to t...
The Only Way To Get Americans To Care About Soccer
They've tried starting a professional league. They've tried forcing mothers into drive vans back and forth between games. They've even tried having women take off their shirts when they score. And nothing has worked: Americans have better things to do that get into soccer. But Premier League team ...
Please Take Soccer Team. I Am Romanian. I Am Hungry.
There once was a man in Romania named Dinel Staicu. (That's him in the photo. We think. We don't speak Romanian.) Dinel had many big dreams; the biggest dream he had was owning a soccer team. (There they call it "football," for some stupid reason.) He bought a team called Universitatea Craiova, an...
Well, At Least He's Not Killing Anyone
AC Milan Unashamed By Liverpool Loss [China Daily]...
The Colin Ferguson Of Soccer
Well, it's not quite as bad as defending yourself for murder — though also not quite as entertaining — but it'll do for now. Soccer "star" El-Hadji Diouf has been taking some real heat for using a public defender to represent him against charges of spitting on an 11-year-old last November. (They c...
Glazer Throws Weirdo Fans a Bone
The impotent protest of Manchester United fans against the sale of the team to American Malcolm Glazer has inspired giggles from the rest of the world and yawns from the Buccaneers owner. Now, Glazer's representitives will meet with Premier League head Richard Scudamore to go over Glazer's "intentio...
British Soccer Fans Same Batch of Wimps As American Fans
We are reminded of the late, lamented comic Mitch Hedberg's explanation for why he didn't protest anything; "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." Manchester United fans have been talking a tough game for months about how they would boycott the team because of Malcolm Glazer's imp...