sponsors Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We're Sorry For Your Loss. Your Mother Was A Terribly Attractive Woman.
Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp....
Eff Her! Let's Get A Sandwich
What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-spot? We'll spend twenty minutes looking for a golf ball!...
It Mated Us. We Hadn't Even Been Properly Introduced.
It wants to ... turn us into something else. That's not too terrible is it? Most people would give anything to be turned into something else....
He Should Have Armed Himself If He's Going To Decorate His Saloon With Our Friend
Look son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shooti...
You Have Got To Be The Worst Manager We've Ever Had
Even in this little town, we feel like what we do is very connected with the real center of people's lives. We're not saying we're always Mr. Effective, but we don't feel like our life is off to the side of what's important. You know? We don't feel our happiness and comfort are based on closing our ...
Are We Shooting People, Or What?
You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup? No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup....
Bide Your Time And Everything Becomes Clear, And You Can Act Accordingly
You tell them, you tell them we're coming. Tell them we're fucking coming!...
Red, It Took Us 16 Years To Get Here. You Play Us, And I'll Give Ya The Best We Got.
You're better than any player we ever had. And you're the best God damn hitter we ever saw. Suit up....
We Like You As Much As We Can Like Anyone Who Thinks We're An Asshole
If anything happens to us, you tell every woman we've ever gone out with we were talking about her at the end. That way they'll have to reevaluate us....
Can't Sleep, Clown Will Eat Us
In honor of "The Simpsons Movie" coming out today, we're not even gonna try to bother with a movie quote today. Instead, we just invite everybody to give their own....
Make Like A Tree And Get Out Of Here
Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told us that if we didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain....
You Don't Go To Work Every Day; You Go To A Bar Every Day
That's why we drink it straight. The ice cubes are too heavy....
Everything We Touch Is Food For Our Hunger. Our Hunger For Power.
Sometimes even the wisest of man or machine can make an error....
The Biggest Thing In This Town Is Probably The Homecoming Queen
Sorry about the crowbar, kid. You'd be surprised how many people want to steal scrap. But, man, once we make it into art, we can't give it away. We mean, what are we? A junkman who makes art or an artist who sells junk? You tell us....
His Brain Has Not Only Been Washed, As They Say. It Has Been Dry Cleaned
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those that enter a room and turn the television set on, and those that enter a room and turn the television set off....
Cunnilingus And Psychiatry Brought Us To This
Leave the fucking cheese there, all right? We love fuckin' cheese at our feet! We stick motherfuckin' provolone in our socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning....
Them Damn Burritos Ain't Good For Nothing But A Hippie, When He's High On Weed
The world's our oyster, except for the fact that we just rammed a wooden stake in our brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though we don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory....
We Always Say Girl Plus Car Equals Dead Animal
We're gonna be a Deejay, man. And maybe a lumberjack....
If Donnie Calls, Tell Him If It Was Gonna Be Anyone, We're Glad It Was Him
Forget about it is like, if you agree with someone, you know, like Raquel Welch is one great piece of ass, forget about it. But then, if you disagree, like A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it! You know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mi...
You're 32 Years Old, And You've Achieved Nothing. Jesus Christ Was Dead And Alive Again By 33. You Better Get Crackin'.
Think of it as a hobby. Something you do to relax. You're an "assassination enthusiast."...