sponsors Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
You Guys Here For The Suckfest?
" Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?"...
We're Afraid, Dave. We're Afraid.
Look Dave, we can see you're really upset about this. We honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill and think things over....
She Can't Act, She Can't Sing, She Can't Dance. A Triple Threat.
What's wrong with the way we talk? What's the big idea? Are we dumb or something?...
Are We Gonna Die? Because We Wrote This?
Hello? Is the bathroom on this level working? A dog inside the building! Go! Shoo! Why you're not a dog at all. My god, this is like a moment from a horror movie. This is precisely the moment where the mutation or beast will attempt to kill an unlikable side character. But, in stories where there ha...
You're Too Much Trouble. Get Some Therapy.
We were a stand-up tomato: a juicy, sexy, beefsteak tomato. Nobody does vegetables like us. We did an evening of vegetables off-Broadway. We did the best tomato, the best cucumber... we did an endive salad that knocked the critics on their ass....
We Think People Should Mate For Life, Like Pigeons Or Catholics.
We're older than her father, can you believe that? We're dating a girl, wherein, we can beat up her father....
Souvenirs, Novelties, Party Tricks
We've tried everything: the embassy, the German government, the consulate. We even talked to the U.N. ambassador. It's no use, we just can't bring our wife to orgasm....
Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due
Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist....
Snakes. Why'd It Have To Be Snakes?
You Americans, you're all the same. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions....
Show Us All The Blueprints
If you let him testify at that hearing, the whole world will see what he's become. They should remember him for what he was....
Our Breasts Can Always Tell When It's Going To Rain
If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that we're not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told us hoops earrings were her thing and we weren't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hannakuh our parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops a...
Nothing Happened The Way It Was Supposed To Happen
All right, let us tell you about your "God's plan." Six billion people on Earth when the infection hit. KV had a ninety-percent kill rate, that's five point four billion people dead. Crashed and bled out. Dead. Less than one-percent immunity. That left twelve million healthy people, like you, us, an...
At Least He's Not Out Taking Illegal Drugs Or Making Some Woman Miserable
When we were — what was it — about five or six? - we were sexually attracted to Bugs Bunny. And we - we cut out this Bugs Bunny off the cover of a comic book and carried it around with us. Carried it around in our pocket and took it out and looked at it periodically, and — and it got all wrinkled up...
We Cannot Defend Freedom Abroad By Deserting It At Home
There's no news, boys, so go out there and make some news. Rob a bank, mug an old lady, whatever - just do something....
Why Don't You Just Kill Us?
You shouldn't forget the importance of entertainment....
All Our Mother Does Is Work. That's How You Get To Be Spanish.
No telling yet if there's been a crime, but this country's seen a fair amount of disagreements over the years....
Did You Drink And Dial?
Listen, man. You're our friend, and we know you care about us. And we know you disapprove, and we respect that. But there are some things that we have to do that you don't understand. You understand literature, movies, wine ... but you don't understand our plight....
The More You Drive, The Less Intelligent You Are
A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' s...
You're Not Going To Do It For Free
Well, you know Chick, like old momma said, next best thing to playing and winning is playing and losing. Every town had somebody who thinks he's tough as a nickel steak; but, they all come to old Speed for the do-re-mi....
You Shouldn't Wear That Body
The next time you come into our courtroom we hope you've got either a better defense, or a better class of client....