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New Orleans Police Are Officially Looking For The Teabagger
New Orleans cops now believe an act of sexual battery has occurred in the Krystal teabagging incident, and are seeking the public's help in finding a "person of interest." WWL has the full wanted poster, while the Times-Picayune reports police won't say if the victim is cooperating. WVUE in New Orl...

Cristiano Ronaldo Went Five-Hole And Drew First Blood In <em>El Clásico</em>
It's a Copa del Rey quarterfinal matchup between Real Madrid and Barcelona, one on which Cristiano Ronaldo made an early mark with this nifty goal between the legs of Barça's José Manuel Pinto. [GOLTV]...

The Hockey Gods <i>Will</i> Have Their Bloody Vengeance
Earlier this month, Calgary winger Rene Bourque gave a dirty elbow to the head of Washington's Nicklas Backstrom. The Caps' leading scorer has been out ever since with a concussion, and Bourque was suspended five games by the league. But that's not justice. That's The Man's justice. The Capitals d...

9 Things I Learned In The Parent Encouragement Program, AKA Shitty Parents Anonymous
The Parent Encouragement Program is a series of classes and workshops that are available to parents living in the D.C. area. The introductory class is free, and so I went a couple of weeks ago, because it didn't cost anything and because I need all the help I can get. The title of the workshop was "...

The Western Carolina Catamounts Beat A Northern Georgia Bible College By 102 Points Last Night
Oh, you didn't think you'd ever read about Toccoa Falls College basketball on Deadspin, did you? Since there's no Wikipedia today, I'll tell you that Toccoa Falls bills itself as a "Christ-centered educational institution that prepares men and women for vocational and professional occupations." It h...

"Am I Sick? Are We All Sick?": Overwrought Things The Media Wrote To Auburn's PR Guy During Cam Newton's Wild 2010 Season
A few months ago, we asked Auburn for all correspondence between the media and the football team's spokesman, Kirk Sampson, during the Tigers' 2010 season. We weren't looking for anything specific; we only wanted to get a sense of what it's like on the inside when the press descends on one story—in ...

Marcos Baghdatis Calmly Destroyed Four Consecutive Tennis Rackets Between Sets Last Night
After falling behind by two sets to Stanislas Wawrinka in the second round of the Australian Open last night, Marcos Baghdatis went to his chair and calmly smashed four consecutive Tecnifibre rackets. The rage propelled him to win the following set, but Wawrinka took the match, 7-6, 6-4, 5-7, 6-1....

Former Pro Golfer Netted In Massive Sex Sting
Steve Thomas, who's played 78 tournaments on the PGA and Champions Tours (though none since 2010), was among 40 people arrested in an Osceola County (Fla.) Sheriff's Office sting operation. "Operation Red Cheeks" set Thomas up to believe he was negotiating for sex with a minor....

Brand Leadership: The Scene At The Penn State President's New York Town Hall
The last place any sane person wanted to be this past Friday night was the Marriott hotel in Manhattan's financial district. The hotel's grand ballroom would be a good setting for a bad prom, complete with an ugly red carpet and garish inverted-pyramid chandeliers. An uneasy crowd of about 300 Penn ...

Robbie Findley Missed An Open Net From Two Yards Out
He didn't even come particularly close, either. The US national and Nottingham Forest striker will be rueing this one, from the first half of today's FA Cup replay at Leicester City....

Mike Martz Is Retiring
So reports Jason La Canfora. Martz tells the Chicago Sun-Times "It's time." Ominous. He's turning 61 in May....

You Have No Idea Whether Greg Jennings Really Fumbled Or Not, So Shut Up Already
Here's the definitive camera angle on the play from yesterday's Packers-Giants game that everyone is so twisted out of shape about. Greg Jennings is on his way to the ground, and the ball is a fraction of a second from being wrenched out of his grasp, and you can clearly see—what? Unless I missed th...

PSU's Damage-Control Memos Show "Deepest Concern" For Children (And Your Non-Refundable Donations)
Not long ago, we told you about the stupidly triumphant internal Sandusky memos that got passed around at meetings of the Penn State board of trustees mere days after the scandal broke. The memos, first obtained by the AP (and now by us), showed the low-IQ spinjobbing you've come to expect from so...
![Just As He Promised, Nick Saban Finds A Way Around The SEC's Oversigning Rules [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18j4nkvar8k5yjpg.jpg)
Just As He Promised, Nick Saban Finds A Way Around The SEC's Oversigning Rules [UPDATE]
Remember this? When the SEC reduced the annual signing limit from 28 to 25, in order to curb the growing scourge of schools signing more players than they could offer scholarships? And how SEC coaches voted unanimously against the new rule, because it limited their "flexibility," but the rule passed...

Chandler Parsons Just Dunked On JaVale McGee
Sure, it's a tip-slam, but if you're 7'0" JaVale McGee then the likes of Chandler Parsons should not be dunking on you—under any circumstances. Parsons then rides around with his crotch in McGee's face for a few seconds just added to the degradation, but these sorts of things are how a team like ...

Holy Balls Serena Williams Is Ripped: Deadspin's Australian Open Preview
While Americans were freezing their Tebows off watching playoff football, the first major tennis tournament of the year kicked off in Australia, with temperatures in Melbourne hitting 92 on day one. Dylan Stableford, Deadspin's tennis editor, has a preview of the action Down Under....

Jeff Fisher Is Putting Together A Terrible Coaching Staff In St. Louis
Jeff Fisher, he of that popped collar and tied sweater, has the Rams' reins and he's not relinquishing them. In fact, he's already gotten started on doing some fantastically stupid things:...

Hubris Runs Massive Ship Aground, So Naturally Its Owner Also Runs The Miami Heat
Micky Arison, besides owning the Heat, is CEO of Carnival Cruise Lines. Carnival operates the Costa Concordia, the Italian cruise ship that will likely be the most expensive maritime loss in history. This is all one big, involved metaphor for something, probably maybe....

Joe Paterno Wants Us To Believe He Has Never Heard Of "Rape And A Man." Joe Paterno Is Full Of Shit.
Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post scored a precious exclusive interview with Joe Paterno last week and summarily pissed away the opportunity by deploying every tired Paterno cliche that gives Joe Posnanski an erection. He's lived in the same house for dickety-two years! He turned down the Pats be...

Washington State Head Coach Ken Bone Eats It On The Court
Halfway through the second half of the hotly contested battle for the state of Washington, Wazoo head coach Ken Bone is just a tad too exuberant with his request for a timeout. I hope, for his sake, he was able to pick up the spare. [FSN] ...