tex Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Argentine Club President Runs Up In Players' Homes 40 Deep, Robs Them
Jorge Abib is the club president of Argentina's Textil Mandiyú. He is insane. Why, just last night, multiple Textil players accused a possibly drugged-up Abib of rolling up to the players' apartment building with around 40 club ultras, busting into dozens of rooms, and breaking everything in sight w...
Two Fumbles In Final Moments Doom No. 3 Auburn
Auburn, so routinely a team of preposterous miracles, has just managed to bumble its way to a come-from-behind loss tonight at Jordan-Hare Stadium, where the Tigers hadn't lost since 2012. Three weeks after Alabama burned Texas A&M to the ground and salted the earth for good measure, the Aggies, los...
Auburn Attempts Field Goal At End Of Half, Gives Up Touchdown Instead
Auburn was expected to cruise past a Texas A & M team without its starting quarterback today, only to find freshman Kyle Allen throwing four touchdown passes against them in the first half and a further deficit thanks to this breakdown at the end of the half, a ten-point swing that left the intermis...
Texas High School Nixes Football Team T-Shirt Featuring Rape Joke
A Texas high school forced its football team to get rid of T-shirts with the slogan, "Shhhhhhh[,] just let it happen," because we all know what the fuck they were implying....
Eagles Lineman Jason Peters Didn't Know Nick Foles Got Hurt
Eagles quarterback Nick Foles exited today's game in the first quarter with a collarbone injury after a tackle by Whitney Mercilus; former Jets hostage Mark Sanchez replaced him. Jason Peters, however, didn't immediately know about the switch, so he was in for a shock when he realized Foles didn't t...
Cowboys RB Joseph Randle Cracked Jokes In Jail, Asked For A Massage
Cowboys running back Joseph Randle was booked in Frisco County Jail after he allegedly stole cologne and underwear from a Dillard's earlier this month. Watching surveillance footage from the jail, Randle was oddly relaxed about the arrest, making jokes and offering an officer $100 for a massage....
Deep In The Heart Of Texas
If you don't know from Billy Lee Brammer and his brilliant novel about Dallas politics, The Gay Place, welp, here's your chance. Dig in to these two Texas Monthly features:...
J.J. Watt Has No Patience For The Foolishness Of Lesser Humans
When it was announced that Titans rookie quarterback Zach Mettenberger would be starting today's game against the Texans, Mettenberger responded by taking a few celebratory selfies. This did not sit well with Texans All-Pro defensive end J.J. Watt, because J.J. Watt is a monster who exists solel...
This Is Texas Football, 2014
Just put that anywhere, pal!...
Texas Should Declare Independence And Make This Their National Beer
Yesterday, one of my idiot friends told me that certain South Floridians have expressed interest in seceding from the rest of the state. Roughly 11 seconds of exhaustive Googling just now failed to turn up much evidence, but let's say it's true. Makes sense. The government's way up north, and appa...
Texas Tech's Midnight Madness Featured Tubby Smith Wrecking A Motorcycle
This is some kind of Shaft routine starring Texas Tech head coach Tubby Smith riding a motorcycle. Much like the average Red Raiders basketball performance, it features a laying-down....
Texas Clobbering Oklahoma, Trailing By 4
When you have 14 first downs to your opponent's one, and 278 total yards to your opponent's 29, you might expect to have a lead. But then again, you might not be the 2014 edition of the Texas Longhorns....
This Is The Life Of A Backup College Quarterback
Texas A&M quarterback Kyle Allen didn't have any responsibilities yesterday, so he spent some time yesterday chatting with a girl on the sidelines doing video. Mississippi State upset the Aggies, but Allen seems to be fine....
The Cowboys Will Not Suffer Your Silly Celebrations
Get that shit outta here....
Mississippi State Trounces Texas A&M, Alabama And Ole Miss Up Next
If you're tired of insufferable SEC fans trying to convince you that their perennial bottom-dwellers could run through any other conference, you can say whatever you want about the SEC East this year. The West division, however, is an insane collection of talent. ...
This Catch Gets Six Actual Points, Many More Style Points
It's likely to be part of a losing effort because their defense is sad, but Texas A&M injected a brief pause into their beating at the hands of Mississippi State with this pretty little touchdown....
Matthew McConaughey Went Full McConaughey On The Texas Longhorns
Matthew McConaughey, who is now well into the business of just being Matthew McConaughey in public, visited a Texas Longhorns practice last week to pass some ancient McConaughese wisdom down to the young players. ...
Ryan Fitzpatrick Went A Little Nuts During His Pregame Pep Talk
Before beating the Buffalo Bills 23-17 yesterday, Houston Texans quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick gathered his team let them know that he really, really wanted to beat his old squad. Here is a rough transcription of his speech:...