the Page 1058 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Serena Williams Scoots Out Down The Road
Earlier today (or yesterday, or whatever the heck time it is in Australia), Serena Williams lost in the French Open. Fortunately, this video, from our friends at The Fanhouse, reveals that her time in France was anything but a waste. It's cute: She dances like our aunt at a wedding. Of course, our a...
It's Tough To Pass A Grenade Off Your Head
We're now eight hours in on this project, and we'll say this: We're about to pull the same stunt on our television that these soccer fans almost did after their team lost last week....
May We Have A Word, Please?
One of our favorite Steve Martin lines: "Some people have a way with words. Other people, er ... I don't know, not have way, I guess." From Houghton Mifflin comes the list of 100 essential words that every high school graduate should know, and we are very pleased to see two of our old favorites, "fe...
The Enigma That Is Billy Donovan
Well, now that lawyers are involved, we can reclassify the Billy Donovan saga from curiously entertaining to officially ugly. We'd love to know the real reason that Donovan balked on his Orlando Magic contract a mere two days after signing it; did he discover the team's troubling history of unprovok...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while looking for a phone booth ... • NHL: Duck Tales ... the Stanley Cup is one win from coming to California. Woooo! • MLB: It goes to 11 ... Mark Ellis hits for cycle as A's beat Red Sox in extra innings. • Motor Sports: Bang the Brake Drum Slowly ... Bill France Jr., RIP....
Throwing A Baseball Is Hard
In lieu of Danny DeVito's wretched throwing out of the first pitch at the Phillies game yesterday — we suspect he had some physical disadvantages here, like, say, being able to move his arms — and the disaster that was Cincinnati mayor Mark Mallory, we are thinking a bit today about ceremonial first...
Nice Pitching, You Blockhead
Look, there's probably no tougher job in baseball than that of closer. But that being said, it's hard to imagine someone failing at it in more spectacular fashion than did the Giants' Armando Benitez last week. The Giants had a one-run lead in the ninth against the Mets on May 29 when Benitez was br...
A Q&A With Gov. Tommy Thompson
Unlike most of the rest of America, we're already entranced by the 2008 Presidential race, even though we're, uh, still 17 months away from the election. (We have a history of being way too into this business way too early.) At this point, most candidates are just trying to raise money and elbow for...
Eric Mangini Enjoys Vesuvio's
We like Jets coach Eric Mangini, even if he's way too young to be that football-coach tubby. But we — as obsessed "Sopranos" fans since the very first episode — hope he understands the honor bestowed upon him. He cameoed last night on what was one of the most intense, breathtaking episodes of the mo...
Alex Rodriguez Resists Temptation
If it's true that A-Rod likes the "she-male, muscular type," then it must have been quite a struggle to maintain focus last night. Decent effort, Fenway fans ... but it wouldn't hurt you to show a little more cleavage....
Meet A-Rod's Lady
Today's Alex Rodriguez update: They've got the name of his lady, and she's a former Playboy model. She's Joslyn Noel Morse, and she was in this issue of "Casting Calls."...
The Entry Ramps To The Stadium Will Be Full Of Sleeping People
It is important that, in life, one have humanitarian instincts. But it is far more important that one has a place to show and pick up stimulants at 3:30 in the morning. Yep: There's a bowl game named after a truck stop. It's the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl. ...
The Otters Are No Longer Satisfied With Their Jug Band Christmas
Beware, everyone: The otters have finally had enough of centuries of human dominance and have banded together to destroy us. It was only a matter of time. We welcome our new otter overlords....
In Case You Were Wondering Whatever Happened To Steve Buechele
For years, for the NBA Draft Lottery, various franchises have trotted out coaches, assistants, GMs, current stars, franchise legends, random puppies, whoever, to represent the team as they find out which tall young person they will pay millions of dollars to. And now that Major League Baseball is ho...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while battling Gamera ... • NBA: Dan-iel Gi-b-son? Cavaliers even series with Pistons 2-all. • MLB: Balk this way ... give it up ladies and gentlemen for Giants reliever Armando Benitez! Mets 5. Giants 4. • Tennis: Roddick now free to sample all the exotic cheeses he wants....
How To Detract Attention From Your Attractive Teenage Daughter
Problem: Nasty bloggers are spreading your 18-year-old pole vaulting daughter's picture across the Internets. (They can send all the letters to Ufford they want, but you can still find the picture here and here and about a million other places.) Solution: Scream your lungs out about it on the front ...
Probably Just Best To Stay In The Tunnel, Ma'am
What happens when a Canadian attempts to sing the U.S. National Anthem? Nothing short of comedy gold, that's what. We don't know exactly how old this is, or what game it's from, but we've seen enough boring renditions of our country's cherished song to wish that they'd do it this way every time. Any...
Perhaps This Was What Drugged George Foreman
So, in Cincinnati, this dad and his son decided to move their punching bag, and, on a whim, figured they'd find out, you know, what's actually in a punching bag....
Remembering 2005, And Some Payback (Kind Of)
David Hirshey writes regularly about soccer for Deadspin....
Somewhere Out There, There's An Elephant With Your Name On It
A few commenters mentioned this yesterday, and we think it's a fair question: When is it OK to laugh? The guy we wrote about who plummeted 75 feet off a cliff in his golf cart was, after all, a real person, with a family and pets and an active Netflix account. But the first thing we thought of when ...